Wednesday, February 24, 2010


I might be back to my old self again, or I might just be on vacation to my old self, finding myself this weekend, in my bedroom with the door shut by myself. What ever the case I feel better than I did last week. Winter seems overly long, but I know one day it will be warm outside and sunny. I have changed two things-- given myself two mantras. "I can do hard things" Thanks whatever lady general authority said that, I taped it my kitchen cupboard and in my bathroom. Its reminding me I can do hard things, like pull myself out of bed in the morning and make breakfast for crying children. Yes, some of you can think your life is easy stop complaining, but we each struggle with different things. Mine would be Seasonal Affective Disorder, I always get like this in the late winter. Luckily the birds have returned, I have heard them singing, as had my son, we love the birds singing in the morning. Other Mantra, "I can choose to be flexible" Lately I have had a hard time not completely melting down if something doesn't go as planned to MY schedule. My poor husband, I haven't told him MY schedule he is just suppose to know it and do it, and it never works, not to mention his schedule actually involves real things like working and going to school. Last mantra, "my children are not vindictive". I keep thinking my daughter is out to get me, is being spiteful when she cries instead of falling asleep immediately. I think of it as a personal vendetta towards me. When in reality it is nothing of the sort, she is a baby. As my husband pointed out I don't immediately fall asleep either.
After my nap on Sunday I felt like I had woke up, in more than one way. I was able to make dinner, I was able to deal with whiny kids. Since sunday, I've planned out the menu for the week. I've cleaned the kitchen multiple times, I've dealt with insurance, I feel like bad to my old self, but only paritally, each day has been a forced decision to be a capable adult. As long as I remember my mantras.
I can do hard things
I can choose to be flexible
My children are not vindictive. (I mean come on look at her)

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