Saturday, September 13, 2014

30

My thirtieth birthday is coming up. Every so often I have a melt down thinking about it. It's my third of a life crisis.  It actually has nothing to do with being thirty, it has everything to do with the epiphany I had this summer that we are no longer that cute young couple with a one or two young kids/babies. We are now the married for 10 year couple with more then double the kids. We look like a tornado of a mess, a tornado of noise, unbrushed hair, and untied shoes.  When? when did it happened that I grew out of being the cute young couple with a baby or two? Is it because of my thirtieth birthday? (Obviously not, but my brain is pretty irrational these days.)

Saturday, September 6, 2014

No sign of it.

The other day on Pinterest I saw this. It was awesome, I completely agree.
Except I'm going stray from this sentiment, and say I think my husband is super awesome. Facebook is to share your life with the world, my blog is for my own personal record of life.

Since my blog is for me I wanted to write some of my thoughts of current life. I met my husband 11 years ago last month. I honestly wouldn't believe it could have been 11 years ago, if it was for the four children we have running around. I get sad when he leaves in the morning, I miss him while he is gone, he is my favorite person to spend time with. I know I need to leave from time to time to get a break from my children, but it is hard because I want to spend time with him and leave my children to Lord of The Flies in the basement. (Yes, I know this is where babysitters come in.)
You know how they say its easy to have a bad marriage, and hard to have a good one. I totally understand the quote, but at the point in my marriage it isn't hard to have a good one, we are both committed so after the past 9 and half years its not hard. We ignore ALL the small stuff and enjoy it all. Sure we still offend each other from time to time, but we suck up our pride and move on. We've done it so much its not hard anymore. Putting each other first is like breathing at this point, we honestly don't really even think about it we just do it. The other day I was feeling concerned about something, I didn't really want to bring it up, but I knew it would fester if I didn't. It offended him, I'm sorry it did, but I needed to say it. There are plenty of nit picky things that don't need to be said, that he doesn't say and I don't say. The key to a good marriage is being like a duck and letting it just roll off your back. This was different, I needed validation on a really serious issue. I knew it was a hard topic, and didn't really want to talk about it because of that, but I brought it up because I needed to share a piece of my heart. Like I said it offended him, we dropped the conversation, he brought it up later, we discussed how we both felt. I apologized for bring up a hard topic, he apologized for the actions that had happened that had offended me so deeply. He didn't mean to do anything wrong at all, didn't even realize it was happening. If I didn't have an amazing marriage I wouldn't have had the strength to discuss such a personal matter with him. If I didn't have an amazing husband I wouldn't have trusted him enough to tell him. But I do, so I did, and we were a lot closer afterward. We are on our 9th year of marriage, its been a really good year of marriage, its been a really hard year for our family and for life, but a good year of marriage. I think its because we done a lot of things in the past few years to increase our trust in one another. I think one of the hardest things you can do is make yourself vulnerable to your spouse, because that gives them power in shutting you down. I appreciate that my husband has spent the effort to make our marriage a safe place. I adore my husband and wish I could spend every minute with him.

Thursday, September 4, 2014

A realization

In my seven short months of mothering four kids I've come to a realization.
I adore my children one and one. I do enjoy every moment.
When more than two of them are around, I don't think I should be involved. They should be in the basement playing, or in the backyard. If all four are around, my husband should be around for backup, to be the fun one.
I prefer my children one on one, any more and that is why they have siblings- to play with each other.

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Not Dinner

At some point in my journey as a mother, I got in my head the most important thing I can do for my family is feed them dinner. That was too much for me this summer. When I was particularly struggling even before my husband even realized he said, we can eat cold cereal for dinner. Really we can? There were a few weeks we only ate breakfast for dinner, cold cereal or quesadillas. Honestly I'm not even sure what I ate because I don't like cold cereal. There is a chance nothing since that is one of the byproducts of depression.
Around the same time someone, I can't remember who or when shared a thought from Sister Reeves talk last spring.
Some of you have heard me tell how overwhelmed my husband, Mel, and I felt as the parents of four young children. As we faced the challenges of parenting and keeping up with the demands of life, we were desperate for help. We prayed and pleaded to know what to do. The answer that came was clear: “It is OK if the house is a mess and the children are still in their pajamas and some responsibilities are left undone. The only things that really need to be accomplished in the home are daily scripture study and prayer and weekly family home evening.”
 Ok, so it was only the last sentence shared but seriously at that point in my life, my mind was blown. The most important thing isn't dinner its daily scripture study and prayer and weekly family home evening. I could do that, my house was getting messier and messier, my babies were spending all day in the jammies already, but I could accomplish one thing each day, family prayer. As the summer passed we improved scripture study. That thought stuck in my head, but funny I couldn't remember the talk or where I heard the talk. But thenpinterest came through. Thanks to Em and Me.
Let it be said, you replace the husband name, and that quote sums up the last 7 months of my life. Side note, we've rarely spent Saturdays having family fun since we moved here three and half years ago. I didn't want to buy a house because I knew it would keep us and our money busy, but it was the right thing to do. As the summer progressed we have been doing lots of fun saturday activities, we don't stay home and clean, or yard work, or diy projects we go out and bike ride, or hike, or swim or something else. Its been wonderful, turns out cleaning isn't that important. 

Monday, August 18, 2014

Repeat

My two oldest children have taken up scrapbooking this summer. I let them have free range on the old prints sitting in a box. Unfortunately for them I haven't printed pictures in three years, so their scrapbooking has hit a snag. Also unfortunately I haven't made photo books either for the last four years, so....

Anyway, my husband and I were laughing at some photos of my daughter.
Apparently my little boys looks like their sister.
Here we have Mr. A, rocking the pink and ruffles.
Next we have Ikey in a dress. (My offspring is the youngest, the other two are nieces or cousins depending on the relation.)
Lastly, I have no idea where Nat and Ike get their angry eyebrows from.



Sunday, August 17, 2014

Missions

Thanks to facebook, I read this blog post titled, "10 Things Girls Who Aren't Serving Missions Want You To Know". I loved it!

I'll be honest when they lowered the lds full-time mission age for girls I was annoyed. I grew up wanting to serve a mission, but it just wasn't the path that the Lord planned for me. I knew in high school it was not going to be in my future, but I didn't actually want to trust the Spirit. There were times the Spirit told me very directly I would not be serving a mission at 21, it annoyed me and I ignored it. I planned my future around going on an LDS mission, I told people this was my plan. As a freshman in college I told my future husband I had plans on serving a mission in two years. Well months later we started dating, and over a year later we got married. I didn't serve a mission when I turned 21, instead I became a mom. By the time I started my sophomore year in college, I had finally accepted the Lord's plan for my missionary work, but that didn't mean I was always happy about it. I was happy to have my husband and children in my life, but from time to time I was upset I didn't get the opportunity to serve.

In October 2013 when they lowered the age. I wasn't too trilled, because I was jealous, but it made me realize a lot of things so it was good for me, and I'm happy for all the sisters who do get to serve. I enjoy them in my ward. I have lived in a few wards (congregations) where teachers would say, "by a show of hands who all served missions, can you tell us...." That drove me crazy! I am not a bad person, because I didn't serve a mission, and I felt like all those teachers were telling me I was. I listen to the spirit, the Lord didn't want me to serve at 21. He had a different plan for me. I understand I can't share a story of my full time serve since I don't have any, but there is a different way to approach the subject if you want a full time mission story. I know in some instances those stories are what a teacher is looking for, but you don't need to draw a line in the sand.

 A few years ago I had a friend who served a mission, and she told me something to the effect of, "nah, I think you girls who didn't are stronger, I needed my mission to help me see how I needed to raise my kids. But my sisters who didn't serve, they have been tested in different ways and they are such strong mothers." Now, I don't really think one set is better or stronger than the other, but I appreciated her support.  I have often felt like a second class citizen for being a young mom who didn't serve a mission, but what I realized when they lowered the age was, the Lord has never thought of me as a second class citizen. The church is made up of imperfect people who do the wrong thing all the time, that is why we have the atonement. It is the gospel of Jesus Christ I believe in, not the imperfect people that the Lord has to work with (see quote below). I also realized my path in life was to get married to Brent and to be Josh's mom. Even if the mission age was 19 when I was 19, I don't think I would have gone. It just wasn't what I needed to do.


So be kind regarding human frailty—your own as well as that of those who serve with you in a Church led by volunteer, mortal men and women. Except in the case of His only perfect Begotten Son, imperfect people are all God has ever had to work with. That must be terribly frustrating to Him, but He deals with it. So should we. And when you see imperfection, remember that the limitation is not in the divinity of the work. As one gifted writer has suggested, when the infinite fulness is poured forth, it is not the oil’s fault if there is some loss because finite vessels can’t quite contain it all.10 Those finite vessels include you and me, so be patient and kind and forgiving.Elder Holland, April 2013, "Lord, I Believe"

Friday, August 15, 2014

Happy

A miracle happened today. I woke up happy. Seems like my treatments might be working!