Thursday, August 27, 2015

Five Years

I've been a ball of emotions lately.
I'm not sure if I'm enjoying my time home with only two toddlers. I'm not sure I want them to grow up. I know I don't have a choice. But other moments I think toddlers are the most exasperating creatures on earth, and I sure do love my children once they start kindergarten.
My oldest child practically cries if I try to hug him. He does not like physical affection from most of his family. I'll be honest I'm not sure I'm really loving having two toddlers at home, but I don't want them to grow up because then maybe they will never hug their mama again. They currently adore me, because they are at the age, where they come up and hug me out of the blue. The other day out of the blue, the three year old said Mama, I said yeah? He said, I love you. 
Toddlers are beyond exasperating but I'm not sure children ever love you as much as they do as a toddler.

I'm working on my photobook from 2011. I'm a little behind. I found these pictures, turns out my oldest use to willing touch me! I'm not a very touchy person so I almost get. I know as a teenager I put strict limits on my mom's affections. But I'm 100% not ready for my little boys to ditch me at 7. I'm hoping they don't. I keep seeing things from friends on FB who have 11 year olds saying one day this boy won't want to hug me good night.
Maybe there is hope.

Monday, August 24, 2015

Obedience

The other night I said to my husband, I haven't been being very obedient. 
He replied, "Oh really?"
I said yeah, in the beginning of the summer I decided to read the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke and John) in reverse order. Its lately not cutting it, and I've felt inspired I need to move on to the Book of Mormon. But I really want to finish Matthew. I'm so close.
He started laughing, he told me, I was quite the rebel.

We sometimes have the silliest conversations as we are putting off scripture study and bedtime.

I also brought this idea of a couple scripture, again.
Brent said I got it, I know what our scripture should be.
He opened up the Book of Mormon where our bookmark was, and read Alma 1:1
Now it came to pass that in the first year of the reign of the judges over the people of Nephi, from this time forward, king Mosiah having gone the way of all the earth, having warred a good warfare, walking uprightly before God, leaving none to reign in his stead; nevertheless he had established laws, and they were acknowledged by the people; therefore they were obliged to abide by the laws which he had made.
Before he finished I was totally giggling. At 11 pm it totally fit for him as a dad, knowing the only kingdom he ever have is his family. 
He said its perfect. My response was for you as a dad yes. But not "us".

I said, give me the Book of Mormon, I'll find the one for me as a wife.
I slowly turned 1 Nephi 5, because I didn't know what chapter I was looking for. Who knew the story of Nephi moved so quickly?
8 And she spake, saying: Now I know of a surety that the Lord hath commanded my husband to flee into the wilderness; yea, and I also know of a surety that the Lord hath protected my sons, ... and given them power whereby they could accomplish the thing which the Lord hath commanded them. And after this manner of language did she speak.

To get the full effect of the conversation start at beginning of the chapter.
I also like verse 9 "And it came to pass that they did rejoice exceedingly, and did offer sacrifice and burnt offerings unto the Lord; and they gave thanks unto the God of Israel."

You know it only took me 5 years to forgive my husband and the Lord for Brent being a perpetual scout master. Where did such humility come from you may ask? Well not from me. I'm proud, just like the majority of humans. Two years or so ago, Brent's friend, the Young Men's President at the time gave him the book Trails to Testimony to read, Brent finally convinced me to read it.
*glass shatters*
Completely changed my perspective. So now I can say what Sariah said, except my husband doesn't flee into the wilderness he camps in the wilderness. But let's no forget an important part of the conversation. In verse 4, "And it had come to pass that my father spake unto her, saying: I know that I am a visionary man;" Lehi does acknowledge Sariah's complaints. And I have changed my perspective but I'm not perfect and still complain plenty!

Many times Brent has said Lehi has the best calling. He says, it would be so awesome for the Lord to tell him take his family backpacking for 6 years. Let's be honest, I would travel to the ends of the world to with my husband to make him happy, but that is not my dream at all!

Yesterday I finished Matthew, today I turned to the Pearl of Great Price not to the Book of Mormon, but not to be a rebel. 
I forgot how great the Book of Moses is:

16 Get thee hence, Satan; deceive me not; for God said unto me: Thou art after the similitude of mine Only Begotten.
17 And he also gave me commandments when he called unto me out of the burning bush, saying: Call upon God in the name of mine Only Begotten, and worship me.
18 And again Moses said: I will not cease to call upon God, I have other things to inquire of him: for his glory has been upon me, wherefore I can judge between him and thee. Depart hence, Satan.
19 And now, when Moses had said these words, Satan cried with a loud voice, and ranted upon the earth, and commanded, saying: I am the Only Begotten, worship me.
20 And it came to pass that Moses began to fear exceedingly; and as he began to fear, he saw the bitterness of hell. Nevertheless, calling upon God, he received strength, and he commanded, saying: Depart from me, Satan, for this one God only will I worship, which is the God of glory.
21 And now Satan began to tremble, and the earth shook; and Moses received strength, and called upon God, saying: In the name of the Only Begotten, depart hence, Satan.
Those are my emphasis I added. 

Sunday, August 23, 2015

profit and learning

The topic of the talks in church was scripture study. One of the speakers quoted, 1 Nephi 19:23.
for I did liken all scriptures unto us, that it might be for our profit and learning
He said as a small business owner, I might think of profit differently then you do. When I hear profit I think how much money are you making at the end of the day after all the work you've put in. When you think about scripture study that way, its different.
At the end of the day, tell you spouse, if you made a profit in your study, if you broke even or lost the time you put in to it.

I thought that was such an interesting though I haven't thought about before. Sometimes scripture study is a check on a list, but nothing really is gained other than obedience, other times its not a loss but not a lot is gained for various reasons, but other times it is truly a profit. I should try better to make my gospel study more of a profit.

Ascending

In third hour of church the lesson was on Linda K. Burton's talk, "We'll Ascend Together". For me its good to have reminders of the type of wife I want to be in twenty or thirty years, because then I have direction for today and tomorrow.
In the talk she quotes Robert D. Hales twice, which he is quoting a Quaker Proverb, which I guess  was penned by John Greenleaf Whittier.

Thee lift me, and I’ll lift thee, and we’ll ascend together
The foot notes take you to two different articles.
A conference talk by Elder Hales in 1999
and One written about Elder Hales

The one written about his life is quite interesting. This story especially stood out to me,

In 1975, Robert was in a board meeting when his secretary handed him a note saying that President Marion G. Romney was on the phone. Since it was very unusual for anyone to leave a board meeting, everyone was surprised when Robert left to take the phone call. At that time, President Romney asked Robert to serve as a mission president. Later the assignment came to preside over the England London Mission.
Shortly afterwards, Robert got another call from Salt Lake City—this time from President Spencer W. Kimball. He asked Robert if he would mind going to a different mission. Robert replied, “I don’t mind. Send me wherever you want to send me, President.” Then President Kimball asked, “Do you mind if we ask you to serve longer than three years?” Robert said, “Okay.” President Kimball then extended a lifelong call to him to serve as a General Authority.
“President Kimball told me he knew I was disappointed because I wanted to go out as a mission president,” says Elder Hales, “but he said, ‘Don’t worry about it; you will have many missions.’”
There have been many missionaries sent out from our ward while we've been here the last 4 years. I can't remember who, and maybe a few, but a missionary's mission was changed while he was in the MTC. I think that happened quite often when they first lowered the age. I remember a friend in the ward saying to my husband they (the Church leaders) don't understand how faith shaking it is when they move their call around. Here they are, they've gotten a letter signed by the prophet then they change it. I didn't response but I thought, really you don't think the Church leaders understand that can shake a 19 year old's faith? I'm positive they know it can, but yet isn't there many experiences in life that shake our faith. Isn't that our faith is built? So I liked hearing a story when it happened to a potential mission president, a general authority.

But in true blog post nature, I'm off topic.


Sunday, August 16, 2015

“The intertwining of people’s lives, often regarded as mere coincidence, is actually part of God’s ‘divine design.’”
Neal A. Maxwell

Saturday, August 15, 2015

Backpacking

One of the very important reasons I took a chance with Brent was because he liked backpacking. I had been backpacking a grand total of 2 times, before I met him.
But that makes me tough, you know?
He thought so.
He wanted a girl that wasn't afraid of roughin' it. He, his friends, and former scout leader were impressed I would try water skiing when I never had been before. I was surprised they found it so surprising. I do anything I want, (which isn't everything).
I tough it out better than most teenage boys when we go backpacking. I don't need an outhouse, pillow, change of clothes or running water. But I do need a massive amounts of clean drinking water. I can not move one more inch without constant water.
Plus the joke's on Brent I get altitude sickness. :p

So Brent, he likes to backpack. Indeed his mountain man-ness is one of my favorite things about him. But it has some huge downfalls.
Like High adventures. How many weeks I've missed of my marriage because he has been camping with the Boy Scouts?

Oh well, I still love him.

I've decided my little boys are old enough to be a better support him. So I'm been happy while he's gone. I had no melt downs. (I'll be honest last year when they were practicing for a dance festival, I encouraged my husband to not show up. They didn't need him, but I did.)

What changed you may ask? Well my mental health is healthy. That is important. Sometimes I'm supportive sometimes I can't handle being the only parent at home.

But last Sunday, I saw him on the stand with a boy that use to be one of his Deacons, he is now 16. After four years some of those young men will remember Brent their whole lives. I wondered if he is the type of leader that they will remember fondly or will he just be that one in the background of their youth that didn't make impact on them? I realized a lot of that has to do with how supportive I am as a spouse. So I've repented and started again. (He is FB friend with boys that were his deacons in Springville, who have now gone on their missions, come home and are now full-on adults. So weird! He always shares with me their big life news.)

I wasn't expecting a test of faith in less than 3 hours. But it came. After church he said to me, so we've decided to give up on ____ ___ for boating. Brother ______ said he could take us. Ok, I replied. He said the best weekend for everyone is a week from Saturday. I said ok. He asked, you do realize that is two Saturdays in a row. I replied, I know. He said the high adventure this week, and boating next. I said, I'm aware. I know, its ok.  He looked at me and wondered what happened to his wife.

Friday, August 14, 2015

Wedding update

Tonight, I went to a wedding reception with my 6 year old, 3 year old, and 1 year old. No husband, he is high adventuring up, but I can't complain he took my 9 year old. My 6 year old is thriving being the oldest.

Back to the wedding. I was going to give the bride money no matter what, so I wanted my free cupcakes. Brent would have been so proud of me, I only ate two. I figured I'd rather keep my children contained at the reception then miss the action at home.

When we walked in, I wanted to prostrate myself on the floor like a child who doesn't want go into just one more store. I thought I can't do this in 20 years. It looked so lovely!

It didn't help that my bishop stopped to say to hi to me, while I tried to keep my kids from covering everything in frosting. He told him you'll be here before you know it, pointing to my daughter. Seriously I wanted to cry!
I said, oh, don't I know it, I'm worried.

Then I had a moment of clarity when I was putting an inch of peach lemonade in three different cups. Weddings are fads, all I need some good friends and do the same reception as everyone else that year.

*Insert more crying* I'm so bad at making good friends what if I don't have any when my kids get married. Best case scenario, my boys all marry girls who's parents live within an hour of us, and I have to help but not put on a wedding reception. Worst case scenario I have to put on ones for my boys too, because they will marry girls from other states. Five out 7 spouses among my siblings married people who graduated high school in Utah. Which is funny because not of all of them met their spouses in Utah. We are so Mormon. Everyone in my graduating class from High School was right. :/ But you know what that means all the spouse, all 7 of them married people who grew up in states other than then ones they grew up in. Its inevitable that some of my kids will married kids from other places. Our roots aren't that strong. Brent was not raised around his grandparents, I'm third generation military (well not exactly because Brent isn't military, but two of my brothers! I count them!) Which is what I want for my kids, freedom. My biggest fear in staying in Colorado too long is my children won't feel like they can move any where in the world they want. I never want them to feel like they have to stay in a place, because its comfortable, or because they have friends there, or because that's where their family is.
By the way I would rather put on wedding receptions for my children than not. But its just so much work for a couple of hours!