Wednesday, February 24, 2010

A second?

What I've been thought a lot about lately is the worry with your first child if they seem to be perfect. How can you ever have more, the first barely cries, or sleeps through the night or whatever the first child does to make them so easy going. How can you ever have another one, how can we drop from perfect?
I remember asking my mom when my first was a baby, what do you say when people ask you if you have a good baby and they aren't? My first was a good baby.
Well my first child was perfect, so low maintenance, barely cried, then I had a second. She is moody, fussy, was refluxy and although not quite colic, cried enough not to wish to meet the criteria, and even before all that she was a difficult pregnancy the entire 9 months. Sometimes I wonder if we ever graduated from those stages, she still cries a lot, she still spits up at least once a week. When asked if she was a good baby, I respond laughing, no, but we love her, she cries all the time, and spits, but we love her, as I finished my giggles off by kissing her cheek. I love her, whether others view her as "good" or not.
But here is what I've learned, in a bizarre way its easier to see how natural loving your child comes. Its easy to love a low maintenance baby, everyone wants to hold a low maintenance baby, it make everyone happy to hold a content chubby cheek happy baby. I can't really explain it, but the real miracle comes in how effortlessly I love the high maintenance baby. Everyone gets annoyed that she won't let them hold her, but you can't change my high maintenance baby, its just who she is. It is who she was before she was born, and its who she is over a year later. She is my baby that screams and I kiss her anyway, knowing she is my nan baby. The few times my low maintenance first baby did cry, I thought of holy smokes I can never have a second child. But when I hold my high maintenance fussy baby, my heart swells with love. I don't love the screams but I love her, and so I love who she is no matter what. I can't wait for her to stop crying but yet I understand eternal perfected love so much better. It is totally miserable with a screaming baby, but yet I love her. She was who introduced chaos into our calm introverted quiet family, the chaos has set me free and being a mother is so much fun. I can totally have more kids. Where with my "good" baby I thought I don't think I can ever do this again. My second taught me that family is about crazy choas that looks like a mess from the outside but is perfect in the inside.

That being said the kids are completely different and can't really compare. The pictures are totally not fair to my daughter. Other than that is exactly what she looks like soo much of the time, and even with the tears she is beautiful. We have so many pictures of her crying because she is just so darn cute, and does it all the time. I have practically no pictures of my son crying as a baby, because he didn't cry, although that has now been remedied, both him crying and pictures. My husband and I love this picture that was taken a few weeks ago, they got in a fight, and both ended up crying. I don't mean to say I love one of my children more than the other, they are just very different and I've noticed how different it is to parent them as babies. During number one I was blessed with an easy going baby so I could go to school, with number two I have been blessed with an outpouring of love to help me survive when I want to pull my hair out.

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