Tuesday, October 12, 2010


I'm back.  That's what I thought about when I cleaned up after dinner.  I'm back, recently I have a great interested in crafts and creating things and such.  All of sudden I realized, I've recovered from my busy summer.  All through September, I thought please don't make me craft, I'm so tired I just want to read and watch TV.  My summer was long and busy, and good, but boy after my family reunion and my brother's wedding, I was just tired! Its good not to be there in the tired anymore. Not to mention my husband and I kept so busy camping all summer how could I get rested?
Then I strep, then I had stomach flu.  Goodness sakes, I rarely get sick, then two big doozies only weeks apart. (I mean I've never had strep before, and stomach flu, second time in ten years.) I never blogged about the flu, it was terrible, but we've had it before, so it wasn't terrible.  I'm not nursing, so I actually have an immune system for myself, so it was nice to recover timely.  My husband didn't throw up, thank goodness, but did sleep for 12 hours once the other three of us got better.  I lost something like seven pounds (I can't remember the exact number) while I was sick.  In case you haven't seen me I don't have seven pounds to lose, my husband was quite concerned.  It would be so nice if I could double twice that back, then we wouldn't have to be concerned.  In high school my mom use to make me protein shakes, I weighed more in high school, than I have been married (except pregnancy), I know this sounds fabulous to all you out there.  But my husband and I don't see it that way, hopefully health not vanity is the reason people want to lose weight, and so if we are going by health, definitely after the stomach flu I'm not at a healthy weight.  This summer I finally decided to accept my size, and buy pants in my size.  I honestly didn't own shorts that fit without a belt.  I've slowly been getting rid of pants that don't fit, so finally this year will be the year, that I'll reach my idea size now that I have no jeans that fit it.  Ha ha, that would be the best.
This post has gotten way off topic, all things just floating in my head, that I only dream of posting late at night or early in the morning.  So finally the world can know my drifting off to bed thoughts, or in the shower pondering.  Yes, this is only the top of the barrel.  By the way, my husband has encouraged me to start drinking the protein shakes again, in hopes of idea healthy, right?  Who knows, but maybe they did help the stomach flu a bit, maybe I would have lost more weight without them. I didn't take them while I was sick.
Oh one last thought, women often say to me, oh if I was your size I would eat another brownie, I bet you can eat lots of sweets and just stay thin.  I rarely respond other than an awkward smile, I've found people don't really want a response to that anyway.  Either way they are disappointed.  I will admit I love sweets, but I don't eat much, sugar makes me ill.  Ill enough that for years, my husband always told me to stop eating dessert, if ever got seconds, because he knew I would inevitably end up in bed whining about my discomfort. He no longer has to say no, he's already the voice inside my head.  Bizarrely enough, I had more self control in high school.  But maybe my aversion to sugar is the reason I'm thin, but most likely its genetics.  But yes, I eat more sugar than a chronic dieter, but less than others.  I monitor my intake, I think if I eat instant flavored oatmeal this morning, then I can't have a cookie after lunch.  Years I ago I stopped eating crappy bright colored cereal, because it just wasn't worth the sugar intake.  I think,  hmm, juice, will the juice contribute to the sugar in my belly?  And assuming the kids aren't driving me up the wall, I think no, I don't want to eat that now, I want to eat ice cream after they are in bed.  Except when they are driving me crazy, then I sneak candy hoping my daughter won't smell it, feeling guilty, wondering if this will be the 5 grams of sugar that push me over the edge to wallowing in my bed tonight.  Actually that's not true, I've been an adult for a few years now, so I rarely wallow in pain, because I know what my level of intake is, and what I my body can deal with, but I live in fear of that pain.  Although I usually get a headache from the sugar before the sickness hits, at least at this point in my life.

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