Tuesday, July 19, 2011


Last night I asked my husband if he ever wonders if there is anything I like doing.  He said no.  I said really, I do? (Aside: that was a ridiculous question for me to ask.  I'll ask him all the time, what do you think about so and so, he's response I don't think about it.  I said yeah but what if you did think about it. But I don't.  So it was a silly question to ask.) I said, but think about it, as I previous mentioned to our neighbor earlier, I took swim lessons for years, then by the time I was in high school even though I had a pool in my backyard, I rarely went swimming.  I don't really like swimming.  I gave up on both piano and violin.  (I never ever could sit still long enough to practice. No matter how much I tried, I think it took my mom two hours to get me to practice for 20 minutes. I never could play a song more than once without having to get up and do something inbetween.)  I quit ballet after three years.  I apparently begged my mom never to enroll me in team sports when we were at my brother's games, which doesn't surprise me based on my lack of interest in sports. I never liked any subjects in school, until college.  He responded with, there are plenty of stuff you like, like blogging, sewing, making things, baking cookies and cupcakes.... Reading.  I said yeah I'm not sure I like blogging anymore, its just I've been doing it so long, I don't know how to stop.  I've been blogging since 2007.  That's four years, that's a long time for internet hobbies in my opinion.
Then I said, I don't really have measurable hobbies, I also don't have hobbies that involve anyone.  
I said, its like, oh well I guess you don't know do this in Young Mens.  But in Young Womens you have lessons about self esteem, except its called Divine Nature and Individual Worth.  Sometimes, you write what everyone is good at.   Mine was never school, athletics, music, nothing measurable.  It was things, like well organized.  Unique, real nice.  Really put together, confident.  Really confident, you mean I never did care about having measurable hobbies?!
Then I ended the conversation, and my husband readily let me.  Really I have no regrets I am who I am.  I'm not 14, I don't care that I don't play sports and don't like math, science, language arts, etc.  I long come to terms with the fact, that I can't practice music or read music if my life depends on it.  I'm mediocre, nothing like a B average student.  I'm ok with that.
But the conversation entered into my subconscious.  Last night I had a dream that my husband was flirting with other girls, it made me mad. But once I woke up, I realized, I've never in my life seen him flirt with anyone but me. We knew each other for 10 months before we dated, I saw countless girls throw themselves at him, since he was one of the few RMs that were normal, and never once did I see him respond to them.  I'm pretty sure I have no thing to worry about. (Although its hardly that he was in love with me then, he had girlfriends during that year, he was just smart enough to not introduce them to me. That and I laughed at him every time he told me about one of them.)
But seriously, I don't know if I like blogging anymore, I just don't know what to do with the void it would create without it. I guess I could read more books, but seriously, how many books do I need to read a year?!
I do like my craft blog, and I like the way this blog looks, I just don't like the posts I write. 
Weird I know, I just wrote one.

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