A few money things about me

A few things about me:

• I use to love buying things, I loved walking out the store with bags of new things, now when I buy stuff I feel guilty.
• I want to upgrade to blu rays on Netflix but I'm having a hard time justifying the extra $2.  But they are so nice looking on my tv, and I don't pay for cable.
• About once a year I get the itch to buy new carseats, my husband stomps that out, he has no need to buy new carseats.  Why I do is beyond me?
• Whenever my husband shows me something he wants, I say, if you think we can afford it, get it.  Then when he doesn't buy it I feel bad, and wonder if I should buy it for him.  I don't buy it for him.  Unless I say no, before he finishes his sentence.
• I don't like people buying my family stuff, I like to feel independent, but then when I hear about people who never have to buy stuff for their kids because other people do, I think that is really awesome.  
• I think I had decided to adopt my cousin in law's budget of $40 a month for crafts, some months I spend more some I spend less.  I want to be a budget so $40 is my cap, if I don't spend it, it doesn't roll over. 
• I have a lot of things I want to save up for, so that is why the neflix $2 extra is hard.
• I am tore between thinking I deserve to dress fashionable and thinking my life will survive quite fine if I go without out.  Think the conference talk about the father who went without a new suit so he could send his son a mission, and the mother who got a part time job.  Ok, so I'm not saving to put my son on a mission, but a little doing without never hurt anyone.
• I don't have a full time job, or a part time job.  Sometimes I consider it, but right now, its a wrong time.  I know all about jobs stay at home mom's have, but right now I that is not my stage of life.  Maybe some day.  
• I always tell my husband I'm going to tape a picture of what we are saving up for on my wallet, so I'm less likely to pull out my credit card.  But like I said sometimes I think I deserve what I want to buy.  I'm always torn between a deserving conceit and guilt.  I think I need to find a middle ground.
• Sometimes I get mad at my children if they break a toy I just spent money on.  Even though my children't would never purposely break something.  I hate spending money on something that turns out to be junk.
• That is one of my fears in life wasting my money.
• My dream is to be as cool as the cow gravy boat giver guy, that doesn't mean anything to any of you, other than my husband.
• I often wonder how many times my husband and I are going to talk to real estate agents, and mortgage brokers, before we decided houses have dropped enough in price.  We are currently not talking to any, I just wonder so far we are up to three times.  Thank goodness we have always left our agents high and dry, and we are not underwater.
• One of my brothers use to always ask me if he had a ton in savings, since we were cheap or frugal.  I said no, we didn't. I'm not convince not spending gets you any closer to anything.  I always feel broke, and people that spend never seem to feel broke.