Friday, December 17, 2010

A year

A year is so short and so long at the same time.  Right now (at least when I first started typing this post) my husband was taking his last final of this semester.  The end is very close, he only has one more required class, he has two semesters.  We are nearing the end, but last year at this time we had barely just begun.  Last year at this time we had just finished a very hard semester, last year at this time we were just weeks away from one of the hardest periods of my life.
I'm a visual person, and remember every house I've lived in with my husband by specific memories.  Now that I bring all this up, I wonder if my strongest memory of this place will be starting at the wall, knowing that is not normal, but not caring enough about anything to stop sitting and staring.  It was a defining moment when I realized I had slipped into depression again.  Many days last winter I drove past LDS Social Services wondering if I needed to see a therapist.  I live close to it, by the way I didn't go out of my way to drive past it, its unavoidable for me.  Eventually I realized I would have to see talk to my Bishop (my ecclesiastical leader) to go to LDS social services first, and although my Bishop is a good man, I didn't want to go tell him my problems.  So  forced myself to snap out of it, like the last time.  I know that doesn't work for everyone, and it was hardly a split decision.  A lot went into snapping out of it, and a lot months of work, exercise, sunlight, scripture reading, nutritional eating, supplements.  But I overcame.
But I'm off topic, I was going to talk about how much I like this year or the last.  Once I finally started to feel like myself, I've really like this year.  I like this age, I feel like I'm out of the hyperness of teenage adoslence, and its a relief.  I really relate to A A Milne quote that I have on my blog, "By the time it came to the edge of the Forest, the stream had grown up, so that it was almost a river, and, being grown-up, it did not run and jump and sparkle along as it used to do when it was younger... For it knew now where it was going, and it said to itself, 'There is no hurry. We shall get there some day.'"
Its a relief to know where I am, where I have been and where I am going.  I like plans I have loose plans and firm plans. Specifically I don't know where we will go, but I do know next fall is my turn.  I am taking a Spanish 1 class, because why not?  My husband wants to travel to Latin American countries why not to try to  remember the Spanish I was taught from 3rd-8th grade.  Plus it will be good for him to stay at home with the kids and put them to bed without me.

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