Last night I was so exhausted, I'm sure being out the house from 9 AM to 6:30 PM had nothing to do with it. I'm also sure my latest bought of insomnia also has nothing to do with. I mean there is nothing like staying awake in bed until at least 1, to almost fall almost asleep to startle yourself awake to almost sitting. Whatever anxiety I'm feeling is enough to share with my beloved husband. He is out like a light when he lays his head on his pillow until lately, he wakes up 20 minutes later, to lay awake next to me. We lay in stillness silence, lest we make ourselves more awake. But this is not what this post is about. I'm sure I'm not tired from my month of fun filled family excitement. Yes most of the fun is over, but I still have two sister in laws and their kids in town for another 5 days, so the fun is not over. It will give me exactly four days to recover before my husband's family fun.
The real reason I'm tired is because we live in a ridiculous world. Long story short, last night I remembered seven months ago when I took my 12 month old in for her check up. The doctor was worried she had a UTI, I was not worried, the doctor wanted a urine sample. I don't know how many of you have tried to take a urine sample on a one year old FEMALE but its nearly impossible. Mind you my daughter slept for three hours after being injected with dormant diseases. When she finally did wake up, I stripped her bottom down and watched her play in the empty bathtub for an hour. Not one drop of liquid left her body, since the day she was born she has been able to hold her bodily fluid for hours. There is only so long an empty bathtub holds amusement, and eventually she climbed out. I figured I'd follow her naked bum around the house, ready with a cup. Then she visited her dad who was working at home. He thought I was being ridiculous, and just like me knew there was nothing wrong with her. But come on, don't they call CPS on you if you don't listen to your doctor and do something stupid like trying to take a urine sample from a perfectly healthy FEMALE baby. Once we put a diaper on her, I tried to put a bag in it, you know what happened, she wet her diaper and the bag was completely dry. Finally the work day was almost over, and I made my husband call the doctors office saying it wasn't working. The next day, I hopped on a airplane without my husband but with my two kids. But before we actually got on the plane of course we had to be in the busy holiday airport. And of course who should call but my doctor. She was so wordy and didn't say anything of importance, while which I was on the phone, and I almost lost my three year old. When she finally got off the phone, I screamed his name frantic, to which he just popped out from behind a toy shelf. He has never been lost to himself, only lost to me. Anyway, as I reflected on this story after a tiresome day, I thought no wonder young mothers always tired these days.
Older people keep telling me enjoy all the energy you have now because one day it will disappear. And I think what energy, I'm pretty much always tired.
As I talked to my husband, he said I will admit, women do put a lot of stress on their lives now a days. I angrily responded no, we do not place it upon ourselves, society does. He said same thing, I said it is not the same thing. I do not want to time how much my kids watch educational tv, so they don't be overweight and violent, I don't want to care if my kids are running around for at least two hours a day, to make sure they don't get bad health problems, I don't want to count their calories, and the amount of fruits and vegetables to make sure they aren't eating to much candy and get childhood diabetes. I don't think there is anything wrong with my kid eating a cookie, and I couldn't careless about trans fat. But don't worry because I can't actually feed my children any of this, because plastics give us cancer. I told my husband I don't care about any of this, my children, clearly look healthy, they are two of the petite-st kids you will find for their age and so I don't think they are in danger of diabetes, but wait are they "too small" maybe that is a problem. I told him I don't care about any of this, I don't time their active play, their individual play, the reading time, but in the back of my head, all of this dialogue is in my head. How can you get it out? Once its in its in, which is why you don't want to hear bad jokes, right? And maybe well just maybe I'm a bad mom for not caring. And what about sunscreen? or about vitamin D deficiency? And this is just about their physical needs, not about their emotional, or psychology, or about their educational needs. I assured my husband that I do not place this upon myself, I try to completely ignore it all. But yet occasionally I do have to take my kids to the doctor, and it all rushing back. He said you don't need to take them to the doctor they are healthy. I said do you want to travel internationally with the family? They need shots then, he asked are they getting shots? I said they are children they are always getting shots. He finally admitted defeat, being a mother in 21st century is a lot of stress. Stress I do not wish for. Stress does not make be alive. Stress makes me tired, I don't like tired. I would much rather be baking cookies, and watching my kids. Trying to steal hugs from my uncuddly four year, and getting unlimited kisses and pats on the back from my baby. And talking to other mom's about how gross it is to find old crusty yogurt from breakfast on the table, talking about pretty much anything other childhood diabetes.