Sunday, May 9, 2010

My Mother's Days

My husband and I have an ongoing disagreement about how he treats mother's days. Here is the chronicle of my years and the holiday.
Mother's Day 010:
My husband started an upgrade on friday night for a client that took about 28 hours. No it does not take constant attention, and he does do it from the comfort of our home, but he has to stay at home, he slept about 4 hours Friday night. Great start to the weekend, he is off from school, so I have been trying to go out for dinner with him since last Wednesday. Something keeps coming up, I thought Saturday we would be great for a late lunch, then a trip to the Bosch store. I would really like a salesman to sell me on some attachments, that I'm not actually going to buy. We can't find a good site on the internet that even lists attachments. But I'm not actually complaining, it was a fine mother's day Saturday, we grilled gourmet burgers, and went out for ice cream (we had ice cream in waffle cone bowls) on the patio, kids and all. And even though my husband was tons of exhausted he tried to be extremely helpful. Not to mention I went shoe shopping by myself on Friday night, then went back out on Saturday morning.
Sunday he woke up more than 45 minutes before we leave for church wahoo! He woke up right after I got out of the shower so he could be helpful, it was wonderful, we ended up being "late". I had a nap today, and we had bread bowls and soup. I can't complain, even though neither my husband or my son wanted to make me a mother's day card. My son did make me a flower pot in primary, and he went up to "sing" with the primary. He didn't ever open his mouth, but he kept his hands down, and wore green plastic frame novelty glasses. I wish I could have taken a picture of my stoic child. The only think I really wanted for mother's day was these rings, which I knew my husband was not spending $120 on, so I made myself a necklace, with money from the income we have from the job he works so I was a happy clam. The silver sandals(minus the heal) I got with rhinestones on them were just a plus, not to mention my ice cream cookbook. Plus when I got my shoes, I got black shoes for my son for my brother's wedding for only $6! Just nothing was wrapped. Which is fine. Sorry I recorded the every detail, it was compulsive! I need every detail for future when we bring up lack of mother's day excitement.
Now on to the History of my mother's day:
Mother's Day 09
I barely remember, part of the postpartum memory lost. My kids took a darling picture in their polo outfits. I once again picked out my own present, that is where I went wrong years ago. My husband encouraged my son to get all my stuff and bring it out as presents, (my husband likes to regift my stuff as presents, it helps us keep clutter down, and discourages from over consumerism).

Mother's Day 08
This is like the highlight of mother's days for my short history. I had just gotten a new hair cut a few weeks previously. My son was at a great toddler age (my favorite stage), I was barely pregnant, but I didn't know how awful that pregnancy would be yet. We were both out of college, my husband worked 10 minutes away, life was truly blissful. Once again I picked out my present, a photo enlargement.

Mother's Day 07
I have no idea, we have no photos of it. This is just a fun photo of my husband and me in May of 07. My husband claims he knows what he gave me, but he won't admit to anything so I don't think he remembers either. We were in a in between stage, my husband graduated the previous December, and I just finished up. We had spent three weeks at his parents house, and then had just barely moved into our apartment. But really is that any excuse not to have something documented?! Nah, I will tell you father's days are all documented, he even got a present when I was pregnant.
Mother's Day 06
My son was 3 months old, we were about to move to Texas for the summer, or just had. Once again postpartum fog. No pictures, I have no idea if he gave me a present, highly doubtful. He didn't buy me presents, and I didn't buy myself presents when we were in school. We don't even have a picture of me in May 06. Which is why I made my husband take photos of me and the kids, so I wouldn't have yet another year to hold over his head.

This year, I talked, I asked what, if anything did he and his family do for his mother growing up. Then told him what we did for my mom. He thinks they brought her breakfast in bed, but doesn't remember anything else. I'm too compulsive to want to start that as a tradition. I don't even like kids in old diapers on my bed, let alone syrup. My favorite breakfasts all include syrup. When I was a kid I remember my father taking me and my little brother to get something for my mom, I have no idea what my 5 older siblings did. We had something like grilled chicken for dinner, either my sister or I made angel food cake and cut up strawberries, then we all sat around in the family room giving our presents and cards to my mom, just like it was her second birthday of the year.
We are all creatures of our upbringing, I always expected a second birthday when I became a mom, in fact I looked forward to it, as the one redeeming reason to have kids. I give my husband a second birthday for father's day, something I don't think he cares one lick about. I don't think he even cares about the first birthday I give him a year. We were raised differently, had different types of holiday traditions and birthday traditions. I think this is actually for me, the hardest part of our marriage. (Pretty good thing to complain about :) He struggles giving me a first birthday of the year, my last wedding anniversary was the first year I got a present, one I picked out and ordered (at his point in the conversation, my husband quoted Modern Family, "Where does everyone think she gets her money from?". Anyway, we still haven't found our grove to holidays, especially only commercial ones like mother's day. He was disappointed they gave me cookies in church instead of tomato plants like last year. Wait who's day is this anyway?! He pointed something out a few months ago, which is he is 100% right about. I think I want him to buy me presents, when he does surprise me with something, I say oh, thanks (imagine a unexcited voice). He pointed out I want to buy my own presents, what he didn't include but should have, and have him wrap them. True, that isn't his style, which is totally fine. So like I said we haven't hit our holiday groove. I do have dreams though of getting totally ridiculous presents from my kids that they have picked out with him at the store. I suggested maybe when we have a yard he could go buy me plants. Although that is the great thing about my kid getting older. He made a present for me in Primary, next year in Preschool I'll get another present. And when he does something embarrassing like say his mom's favorite thing to do is sit at the computer, I'll love it even more because that means he wrote it not a teacher. Which is why I finished my lesson early, so my primary kids could make cards for their moms. I loved what they came up with. One kid did hearts all over, another one did a yellow bird, because his mom likes yellow, birds and trees, and another one drew a picture of his mom and him holding hands. I love it, every second.
A sister in law a few years back pointed out I'm not a gift love language, I'm words of affirmation. (I bought my husband a bottle of bleach after he mentioned it, and I wanted him to complement me on the fabulous job I did at getting him an impromptu gift. Ridiculous I know!) Which is almost right, I'm totally not gift, I want to do my own shopping, I hate other people affirming me, but I do like my husband to, but mostly I just like quality time, with him staring at me in rapture, saying uh huh at the right time, while I blab on forever. Kind of like this blog, except you don't have to say uh huh, you can close the browser back at 08, if you made it that far. Which is why I planned lunch and the store, him staring at me in rapture while we ate. I like car trips he has to listen to me for hours uninterrupted, and when my son tries to interrupt me, he tells him, mommy is talking.

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