Monday, June 7, 2010

Not deserving

I have a thought-- that I'm extremely blessed but undeserving. I live in the US, I belong to the upper middle class, even though I am still young and live in apartment, I have hope of raising higher as I continue to age. That is the middle class right? I am well educated, I married a man who is well educated. He is not abusive, we have the right to vote, I am granted as many rights as him. I was raised in a good family, as was he. I am a member of two really great families. I feel very connected to my religion, both of my families are very connected to the same religion. They all make excellent choices in terms of our religion. I plan on receiving more education at a later day. I have two extremely healthy children. I am extremely blessed, and I'm pretty sure I don't deserve any of my blessings, you see I am in imperfect person. To say I deserve any of this means that that poor woman with no rights, who can't feed her children, related to an abusive man deserves her place in life. I'm pretty sure no one deserves that.
I feel blessed, I feel gratitude, I try to be better, I want to live up to my duties, but at the same times I'm don't think I'm better than anyone else, and don't understand why I have so much while some have so little. I know I don't understand, I know I'm imperfect. But really that is where my faith in the Redeemer who will make everything right one day comes in.
That being said, I do believe I can receive blessings through obedience, but I'm imperfect and always fall short, so deserve no, blessed yes. Even though I have been taught blessings are predicated on our obedience, I'm pretty sure I don't feel worthy of any of my blessings. Although I do love a good tithing blessing, I'm pretty sure anything that goes right financially/materially, is a tithing blessings. Paying tithing is the best on going decision in my life.

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