Friday, April 23, 2010

Floating in my head

Remember the wall street journal, well we got a LOT of magazines this year. One of the ones I got was Elle, it is my first initial after all I figured might as well see what its all about. Not to mention beauty/fashion magazines have never come to my house before, so its an interesting diversion.
But that is not the point, I read in article written by a guy about, well there didn't seem to be a point to the article. But he said he was in a bad place in life, with lots of codependent habits. He was the typical toxic male, that women fell in love with an wanted to fix. He was in two long term relationships with two different women. (I know not a story for the young impressionable mind.) Whenever he was with one of his girlfriends, he thought this is the one. He ultimately didn't pick the girlfriend that wanted to "fix" him, he picked the one that didn't want him to fix him, and didn't want him to fix her, they were just two faulty people who happened to enjoy life together. That is not exact how he is phrased it, but...
I've been thinking about that a lot, she didn't want to fix him, and he didn't want to fix her. I'm pretty sure I did not view my marriage that way in the beginning, I was pretty convinced the first few months of marriage it was my husband's job to fix me. Luckily he had other thoughts. I don't think I've tried to fix my husband much, but maybe that's because he always been clear that that was not my job. I have never expected to change his clothes, or other things that women always want to do to men when they get into a relationship. (Although I did expect him to stop playing video games, 98% of the time, luckily he isn't much of a gamer.) He is who he is, and although I make him conduct Family Home Evening, I really try not to change my husband. He is who he is, and that is who I feel in love with right? I knew his faults before we got married, when he does something that he later apologizes for I usually say, I knew who you were when I married you. Anyway, thats a thought though huh? She didn't want to change him, he didn't want to change her, just to imperfect people who wanted to spend their time together. It has been swirling around in my head for weeks. I can't get it out, I think it seems a great way to run a marriage. Nagging never fixes anything. (Although Elle also had an article that turns out nagging does, someone rarely drops a bad habit without a spouse or other family member telling them to stop. Its worked for me, I have now exercised for three weeks, because my husband wants me to, and because he has been for two months. Although there is a fine line between helping and nagging.
by the way I don't think I'm a model wife, or excellent at anything, I'm just saying I kind of like that philosophy.


  1. I do like that thought! really I do!

  2. Maybe you were just lucky he didn't have anything very broken so there hasn't been anything to fix...just a thought.

  3. Becky I think you missed the point, the point was a man who did have a lot to fix, who was an alcoholic in his recent past, and many many female partners, who was dating another woman while being with the women who became his wife. She didn't want to fix him. The point is no matter how many problems someone has, its not other people's job to fix. Its their own job to fix when they are ready for it. She loved him for who he was, she accepted his problems as a packaged deal, not as a charity case. No matter what the problem is, whether the problem is where the person squeezes the toothpaste or something major that effects their whole life. Just two imperfect people who want to be together.