Tuesday, February 3, 2015

Ready for a Change

This blog post is disjuncted- such is my brain.
I came back from Christmas ready to restart life. We were ready to proactively achieve our dreams. 
(What are our dreams you may ask, living abroad. You have no idea how many times we have pursed this since we got married, I guess since before I was married. Each time it wasn't right, this time we are farther in the process then ever before. We know we are currently on the right path, but maybe that path will lead us some where other than abroad.) 
Coming back I was ready for so much. Adventures near and far, I needed a fun life again.
The first two Saturdays back we cleaned, and rocked life. We got rid of stuff, lots of stuff. The next Saturday we had a lot of fun. We went to a party, then later we hosted a dinner life was good, we were rocking this life thing. The following Saturday was an utter let down, I worried life was rocking me again.
My husband assured me we just needed a down day. I took the baby to get immunizations. We went grocery shopping so I wouldn't have to go when my husband was out of town. My husband relaxed after a stressful week before a stressful business trip. My babies napped, my daughter had a much desired play date. I made a blanket for my oldest son, who asked me to make it for him. Life was normal, boring, slow. It felt like a failure to me, but my husband promised it was not. 

I'm ready to either trash my whole house, redecorate, or show it. Some times I'm jumping out of my skin right now. But I don't know how, step 1 get rid of half of our stuff, because we can't redecorate, or show it with this much stuff. Then I get the mail, three days worth of mail and two children's school papers, and I can't even see my kitchen counter. I found my missing Christmas CD today, too bad the attic is insulated up right now... I store christmas CDs in the Christmas decoration boxes because I don't want them out year round. I know I know, why aren't they burned on to the computer or a phone or something, they have been like 8 times, do I know where any of the electronic copies are? No. I tried to rearrange my living room today. It didn't work. I need less stuff in it. I hate my computer desk like more than anything, but it stays mostly because we don't want to buy new furniture right now but truly because my husband and I can't agree on what the right computer desk should be. I have no computer chair because there isn't enough space, and because the ottoman does a much better job at hiding all the cords from my baby. Sitting on the ottoman to type is not good for my back. 

I read the importance of sleep today. I thought I should go to bed at 10. I failed. Then I read my sister in law's blog. She talked about. She made more sense then the book I read. I well rested mom is a happy mom. But honestly I really like my alone time at night. I don't really care about accomplishing anything, I just love not having people around me.

Back to redecorating my house. I was telling me husband how much I want to, and he said its the spring cleaning bug after a long winter, I said yeah a long winter that lasted 12 months. Last year was a really hard year for me. At the same time, I wonder if I hug my babies long enough will they still little longer than the other ones. Its not working, the more kids I have the faster life goes. Everyone tells me you have no idea how fast it goes, I want to scream at them. I like my grandma's advice better, "Lesli, don't wish their life away." That's why I want to live abroad. That might not make sense. I'm totally overwhelmed by it. Selling my house, moving, jet lag, selling a car, getting to an airport, leaving an airport, buying a new car. But I know if we don't pursue it as far as we can, I will regret it all my days. It might not happen, nothing is official. My husband and I are just dreamers. Some days he convinces me to spend the summer in Colombia if working abroad falls through. Some days he convinces me. Some days he convinces himself. Other days he asks me to backpack with him in Peru while I'm getting ready for 9 am church. Sometimes timing is perfect, other times not so much. 

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