Friday, December 9, 2011

Accepting Foreboding

A few weeks ago my son mentioned something about a mission, or someone did, which then promoted my son to spill his standard response of, "I want to go where the Lord wants me to go". I then turned to Nan and asked/suggested, "when you grow up you can go on a mission too". She exclaimed "yeah!" Then I felt sad, that she wouldn't have a mission plaque of her mom's in her room as an example to her.
You may recall I've already mentioned my great desire to go on a mission, and yet my life directing me onto an equally good but different path.
I've sort of felt forlorn for a few weeks when I thought about missionary service. It didn't help when I saw the man who I recently heard say, "All five of my children served missions, even my daughter."  When I first heard that, I was definitely not filled with charity, because I thought, whoppty do, not of of us GET to serve missions.
I've been trying to repent of my pride and move on.  Then I realized the Lord understands our lives infinitely more than we ever could, and if he didn't think I needed to go on a mission at 21, then I didn't need to go. I kept thinking to myself, accept the life he gave you a move on. Finally I was able to.
I realized having a mother that served a mission will not be the defining factor in Nan's life.  Not to mention I hardly want her to serve if the Lord hasn't told her to serve.  The point I want to teach my daughter, is pray and listen to the Lord, and he will direct you for good.  Be prepared for the future so you are ready to make covenants with the Lord, no matter what age or reason.  Once you have made covenants, live up to your covenants.  I can teach my daughter that whether I have a plaque on the wall on not with a picture of me at 21. (Notice how I don't care if she is making those covenants for marriage, a mission, or just because its time.)

P.S. We all can learn a lesson from my being offended up above.  Honestly, sure be well pleased in your heart that all your kids went on mission, or in your journal, or in your home.  But honestly do you have to get up and tell the whole ward how awesome you are?  I love relief society and relief society lessons, but I dread the moment missionary work comes up and the teachers asks the sisters to raise their hand if they served a mission.  Don't ask for a raise of hands, no matter if you are teaching sisters or brothers, because I assume men who didn't serve a mission despise the raising of hands even more than me. Sure ask for someone to share a story from the mission if you want, but don't expect me to bow down because someone had a different life experience than me, just like I don't expect special treatment that I gave birth to another human. (Unless its my husband.) When I use to be in classes where they asked for a raise of hands if your were a missionary, I use to look around like I was the dorky kid in school wishing I had friends.  Then I started looking at my lap, because I didn't want to be annoyed at the teacher.

P.P.S. I knew a very bizarre girl when I was a freshman.  We won't get into her personality, other than to say she was very prideful in her desire to be righteous, even with that she taught me two important lessons.  Once when she asked me my major.  I told her I was political science.  She told me oh cool... I have an aunt on the state legislature.  Her children hate her, she is never around. It was quite bizarre, and not at all uplifting, I had no idea what to do with that piece of information.  Then I realized  I can achieve anything I want, and be great in what I choose, but if I give up my kids I give up my kids, and I never get that time back. (I later learned that state had an amateur legislature which means her aunt was only in session for three months a year, her political office was not the reason her kids hated her, it might have added, but it was not the reason.)
  Second thing she taught me was when she took a missionary prep institute class.  I asked her why, since I knew she wanted to get married before she was 21, totally assuming she was looking for missionaries to write to on their missions.  She said, just because I plan on being married before 21, doesn't mean I can't plan for my mission when I'm a senior couple with my husband.  Although I don't agree with her philosophy of planning to get married before 21, I appreciate the idea of preparing for my first mission with Brent one day.

P.P.P.S I know, I know we are also suppose to be member missionaries.

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