Friday, August 14, 2015

Wedding Guilt

A year ago at Back to School night, I met the parents of one of my daughter's admires. With three brothers and a personality as tough as nails, she gets along great with boys even if she tells me she only wants friends who are girls. She spent 3/4 of the kindergarten school year at a table where she was the only girl. She complained once or twice to me. I causally mentioned it to the teacher at one point, she hadn't even realized because she said Nat was thriving at the table, and kept all those boys in shape. I had no doubt, she is ready to rule the world.
One of the little boys would come over for playdates. One day he told me, Nat is our best gal. Nick and I fight over her, we both want her to be only ours. HA HA HA Boys are so silly. Nat never even realized. She was confused why this little boy (the one who would come over) would poke her at circle time.

Anyway I've totally digressed. Back to back to school night. So I met Nick's parents. As we were talking they said they had three boys, and I said I had three boys and Nat. The mom's eyes lighted up and said oh she is so lucky. She will have the biggest wedding ever.
{Crickets} I had no idea what to say, I had never given one lick of thought to my daughter's wedding. Over the pursing weeks and months I might have borderline panicked thinking about this said huge wedding I had to plan.

Why I worried about something 20 years in the future is beyond me. Years ago when I lived by my grandma she told me I was wishing my children's lives away. Yes, I have a tendency to panic about the passing of time. Sometimes I wish I still lived by her so she could tell me that again.

But let me tell you I was a most unhelpful bride in planning my wedding. I had no interest in picking colors, even though I was eventually compelled to pick some. I'm not sure I had a theme at all, since both receptions had different ones. I told my mom I'd rather have a brand new vacuum then a wedding cake for the reception my parents put on. I had no bridesmaids. I cared about five things. My wedding dress, my husband's suit and tie, my shoes, my bouquet for pictures, and pictures. Oh and I was pretty picky about my invites. My father had always taught me you don't get married for a party, you get married because its the right time and the right person. I made no decisions about the reception my mom planned I gave her and her friends free rein. Thank goodness for those ladies, maybe I'll call them in 15-25 years. I gave my husband's family very little guidance much to their exasperation. I would like to say I was 20 and immature, but even if it was happening next month I probably still wouldn't care.

My sister got married before me, near the end of the wedding planning for her, my dad said I'll pay you to elope. I said deal. My mother scowled at us and rescinded the deal.

I wondered who would plan my daughter's wedding for me in 20 years. I was so worried. Then this summer I realized my daughter and have completely different style. I pick something for in the store and she shakes her head in disgust. She likes nothing I like suggest. So yeah I think she'll be fine planning her wedding. I'm not even sure she'll let me pick the dress I wear. I think my aunt said it best, all I care about is my name is spelled correctly as far as wedding plans for my children go.

But there is another problem. The other week I was talking with my mom and husband. Out of the blue I said, "I'm starting to think I don't like planning parties". Apparently they've both always known this about me and shared a chuckle that I'm just now figuring it out. If the mother of the bride hates planning parties what to do you do?

There is a popular meme on Pinterest that says, I think everyone who got married before pinterest should get a do over. I when I see it I wonder why I'm even on pinterest if that a requirement?

Although I do love a good party and enjoy going to weddings.

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