This post has been floating around in my head for weeks. In my ward, the Relief Society sends out a email each with a short blurb about the lesson and announcements. I find it extremely useful, since announcements never make it to Primary teachers. Plus I do like a good Relief Society lesson so I appreciate the blur. A few weeks ago, the lesson was on The Eternal Blessing of a Temple Marriage by Elder Scott. I received this blurb,
...Elder Scott says, "Two of the vital pillars that sustain Father in Heaven's plan of happiness are marriage and the family. Their lofty significance is underscored by Satan's relentless efforts to splinter the family and to undermine the significance of temple ordinances, which bind the family together for eternity." We discussed some of the ways Satan works to accomplish this goal, including distracting us with busy schedules, viewing ourselves as individuals rather than part of a marriage or family unit, misinterpreting the divine definition of marriage and family as well as our roles within each, and seeking perfection in others. The underlying component to many of Satan's best tools is selfishness. Most importantly, we touched on the importance of the sealing ordinance. Satan will do all he can to distract us from this most important goal.In another talk by Elder Scott he states, "I bear witness that all those things that have and will bring me the greatest happiness in life have roots in the temple ordinances." Regardless of our circumstances, if we will do all we can to live worthy of the temple ordinances the Lord has promised that in His time all blessings we are worthy of will be ours.
That had the answer to what I had been pondering about the previous weeks to the email, "viewing ourselves as individuals rather than part of a marriage or family unit, misinterpreting the divine definition of marriage and family as well as our roles within each". More specifically viewing ourselves as individuals rather than part of a marriage. I feel like every where I look I hear if you want to be happy you need a goal and then work towards it. But not a goal about someone else, a goal solely for you. Which creates problems. The last six months have been pretty absorbing to my husband's education and career, shoot, last six months, last two years. Sure I could have gotten a hobby or part time job outside of the house to purse my own needs during the last two years, but seriously, when my kids don't even see their dad half the days of the week it doesn't seem very fair to leave them with a babysitter, since my daughter says about once an hour, "where daddy go?". So yeah, I think I spend a lot of my energy trying to help my husband fulfill his career goals, both long and short term. So now I guess I could think about what it would take to make me happy, what do I need to be pursing, oh wait, but first I need to work on the goals for my children. It can be quite time consuming to try to teach one child how to talk while helping the other child learn how to read and write. Not to mention all the other things going on in my children's lives. Oh and should we mention, buying a bank owned how was like having a part time job. Every morning in March from Tuesday to Friday was spent either calling different people to make sure everything was happening correctly, or filling out paperwork and sending money. (If we didn't close by the end of March the bank was going to charge us a $100 a day!) So lets see over the last six months, what have been my goals for life, did I meet my needs? I have no idea I was so exhausted after helping the other three members of my family reach their goals, that I just was thankful there was only three other people in my apartment, and I had just enough energy to watch a tv show before bed. Does TV shows meet my needs? No, but I'm too worn out to be concerned about anything else. But seriously that voice of doubt was in my head, I've heard its terrible for stay at home moms to wake up one day and figure out their children are all grown and they have nothing else in their life. So seriously I have been concerned about what I'm going to have to show for myself in 20 years. (Probably serve in the church for another forty years.) Maybe other moms don't worry about this, but I do. I never planned on staying at home and being a mom, ever since I was little I wanted to have a fabulous career, so its easy for me to start doubting my existence. But its even more confusing then that, because I really don't want a career right now, I know my babies are going to grow up to fast, so the last thing I want is to miss eight hours each day. But then luckily, I got the email from my Relief Society. Satan works to undermine my temple covenants by telling me to view myself "as individuals rather than part of a marriage or family unit, misinterpreting the divine definition of marriage and family as well as our roles within each." Oh now its all coming back to me, when I was first married in a Stake Conference a member of the stake presidency taught me when united in marriage my husband's accomplishments in his career are mine, and accomplishments of the kids and I, that he misses while working are still his too.
To to reiterate my point, a few nights later I was watching a movie, a psychiatrist in the movie said figure out what you want in life and then how to ask for it. I spent the rest of the movie wondering what is it I want it in life? I couldn't come up with anything, how can I make goals for myself right now? How will I know what I want to get a masters degree in 10 years from now, how can I know where I be personally in a decade or two? Right now I'm most focused on dirty diapers than what I want in life. Then I realize, well I know what I want for my family, I know where I want my family to be in 10, 15, 20, 30 years. Those are easy goals to set, and they have clear pathways to success. So once again, I realized to be happy I need to stop focusing on myself as an individual, and more as the co-head of a family. And you know what when looking at both sides of the scale, I'm pretty sure in 30 years I would have more regrets if my family was totally estranged than if I never had a career. To to mention in 30 years when all my kids are out of the house, I'll hardly look back and say, I have nothing now, everything is gone, what do I do with my time. Unless I stop going to church. My mom is busier now than she ever was when I was at home. I think I remember President Utchdorf talking to Priestholders saying Brethren there is no retirement in the church. I'm pretty sure the same goes for women.