Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Baby Love

As I have mentioned my son sometimes gets in bed with me in the morning. This morning I woke up before him, but was afraid if I moved, he would wake up, so I laid there watching him. Its moments like that when I fall in love with my baby again, who isn't so much a baby. But when he is sleeping, and sucking his thumb he still looks like a baby instead of a big boy. He still has that perfect baby complex (I don't know how long little kids keep it). His skin looks soft and even. (Nothing like mine. His pores are invisible at his age.) Still free from freckles that he will inevitably get after summers in the sun like his parents have. His eyes closed with long black eyelashes sweeping at the bottom. (Something he inherted from his dad, not me.) You would think he would be perfectly still since he is asleep, but his thumb sucking is quite the process. Which only intrigues me more. When he is in deep sleep he doesn't suck his thumb, but if I've woken up, that means he is no more than a half an hour behind, so he is no longer in deep sleep. He sucks his left thumb, which to me was an early indicator he was right handed, because he could suck his thumb and still do things with his dominate hand. While he is sucking his left, his right hand is busy rubbing his blanket seam, and feeding the edges of his blanket through his left hand, as his nose smells the blanket. I almost wanted to time him to see how long it takes him to make one complete round of the blanket through his hands. It fascinates me that his hands can be so active, while his little body is still asleep. It during these times, I soak up the last remaining moments of having an only child. In a month or so, it won't just be him, he won't be the center of the universe anymore, and all although the new baby will change our lives for the better, things will never be the same anymore. I have loved having an only child for the year and half after college graduation until my son becomes a big brother. (Sure he was an only child before my graduation but he didn't have my undivided attention.) Although I never expected to space number 1 and number 2 by three years, I in no way regret all the time, I've had just one, to break me into this whole motherhood process slowly. As I stare at his sweet face, with soft skin I'm reminded that theses are my last few mornings of just him, soon a little girl will dictate our schedule and my son will have to adapt. We won't have leisurely mornings in bed, because the new one I'm sure will want to eat somewhere in between 8 pm and 8 am, and probably want to eat every two hours, in between those times. I have to soak up these moments of falling in love with my first baby now and remember them, so when I am so tired and too busy to notice them in the following couple of months, I'll always have the times when it was just me and my bud, Jo----. Because who knows, maybe by the time I have energy to notice them again, his cheeks will be gone, I can hope not, I hope they aren't gone in less than 6 months, but every day he gets skinnier and taller, so life at this point is unpredictable. It seems like these last almost three years have gone by too fast, I'm always surprised at how excited I can be when he hits a new milestone like pottying completely indepent or actually coloring pictures instead of randomly using a writing utensil, but still at the same time wanting him to never grow up past where he is now. And while I always want him to stay this sweet boy who has the cutest little voice and can remember something that only happened once, over a month ago. Like when his daddy was writing on a little piece of paper with a little pencil while looking at a computer in the library, and then tell me what he is doing, and what he saw daddy do. While I want him to stay like this forever, I can not wait to see what new things my baby boy will do in the future.

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