Friday, March 26, 2010

Bluebird says Tweet Tweet

I'm in a certain phase of books right now. I just finished Bluebird: Women and the Psychology of Happiness, by Ariel Gore. According the book, turns out most women with family are the happiest working, but also putting time into family. But right now I know I don't want to be working, at some point I would like to do something, but right now I am absolutely happy being at home all day.
Right before I read this book, while talking to my husband I we ended up having a long conversation like hours long, we driving in the car, about what I want in life. (We already know what Brent wants in life, but at the same we spent time talking about what we both want in our family. All of sudden half way to LA my life became clear I figured out what I want. I don't know think I've known want I want for my future since I graduated with my undergrad. Now I know what I want, I know what I want with my family, and what I want with my own life. In extremely general terms I know I don't want to look back in 30 years and regret anything in my family life, marriage, or personal individual life, or my religious convictions, yes I think I can have it all. I need my own life, I don't want to look back and see my kids grown and my husband career closing, and realized I just lived through my kids for the past 30 years. At the same time I don't want to sacrifice a good marriage for anything else, and I don't want to see my kids grown up and think I missed it all busy with other things. I also don't want to look at one child and think, I miss this kids life busy with other kids lives.
Anyway, back to the book... this will all be very jumbled.
  • In the last few days I've realized that I need to know what I want in 5 years. Or any other amount of X amount of years.
  • Problem one in my life right I look around and think most people are jugding me for my life.
  • "How heavily do you weigh your own happiness when making life decisions?"
  • "Happiness journal-- what things throughout the day make you happy"
  • "What could make you happier?"
  • I've also realized I can't just sit on my butt and move every time my husband get antsy and think friends just pop in my life when it happens. I realized thats what I keep up hoping and expecting that to happen, and getting disappointed when it doesn't. I've also realized I don't have the personality to have 15 female friends, I don't really play along with drama. When drama happens, I just go back to my introverted self by myself.
  • I have no problem with people being on anti depressants, but I don't want to be on them, I don't like taking medications. But I often wonder if I'll ever feel sane without them, then life clears for a while, and I realize I'm fine, at least for now, and that is all that matters.
  • There is more important things than being happy 100% of the time.
  • I hate when people hearing people's glowing report of their baby being born, and their opinions of the first 5 minutes. I'm sure some people feel what they say, but it drives me crazy.
  • I am having a hard time comprehending what my opinion of children is in comparisons to others. (I have no earthly idea what I meant by this.)
  • Brent and I live by the standard of no regrets. We try never to make a decision that we then regret. Any major decision we've made we never want to look back and regret it. We always can justisfy why we did what we did. I want to live my whole life like this. At least major decisions, we make plenty of mistakes, and have need of repentance.
  • Happiness is not the end all be all. Feeling like yourself, feeling like a person, that I what I want. I can be upset, I can be angry, I can feel a whole range of emotions, but I try to feel each day to have at least one worthwhile moment at least each day.
  • For a while when I was pregnant with my daughter, in the middle of dinner every night I would just start crying. Not really crying, just uncontrollable eye watering, I wouldn't even know I was crying until Brent would point it out. I told my dad that I tried not to cry in front of J, my dad pointed out its ok for my child to see me upset.
  • "What is your fondest memory?" Can you really only pick one?
  • "Do you think your're happier or less happy than your mother was at your age?" I have no idea I didn't know my mother when she was my age.
  • I'm ok with hokey mantras "I can take care of myself AND I can rely on others"
  • "Drudge and flow"
  • "For meaningful points of the day you want "flow" something that makes get in sync to get "totally absorded in our task""
  • "What's the best thing that happened yesterday?"
  • "Write about where I want to be in 5 years, then then write about how I got there."
  • "When was the last time you felt inspired?"
  • "Are you happier than you were this time last year?" --honestly I can't remember, last at this time, the sun was finally out after a long winter of a newborn, we went out, we went to the park, we went to the farm, we ditched story time, we went to fun kid things with other people, we made friends finally after 6 months of living in our rental. But other than what I have pictures of I can't remember last spring, I was recovering from a newborn, how do you remember life then.
  • Did you know money is an emancipator? Money is not the root of all evil. I think I have a farely decent understanding of our money, where it comes from and where it goes. Although I will admit, I am not studying up on my husband accounts that come from work related things. I really fell off the wagon during my daughters pregnancy.
  • By the way have you noticed that yet? All of this, all these posts, all these books, everything that I'm doing is getting myself back to the girl I was before I got pregnant with my daughter. I love my daughter but man I need to get back to that pre-her girl. So she can actually know her mom for who she is, and her mom can enjoy her.
  • "If we see our work as indentured servitude, we're sunk. If we choose to see it as a calling and imbue it with positive spiritual and psychological meaning, we're apt to find joy in it. There's no reward for being nice in oppressive circumstances, of course, but laundry isn't intrinsically oppressive. And there's something deliciously Zen in that rare moment when the laundry is all folded, you know?" (171)
  • "The women who reported being the happiest were the women who had the sel-esteem, the basic resources, and the courage to question-- and often reject-- the scripts for female happiness they had been handed. Whether those scripts were Victorian, 1950s TV-traditional, or modern feminist, these women had been able to step back and consider their own desires outside the boundaries of established expectations. (173)"
  • I agree wholeheartedly, you will never please everyone. You will either make to much money, or too little depending on who you talk to, you either have too many kids or not enough, you choose the wrong time to bear those children, they are too close together, or too far apart, you either work to0 much or work t0o little. You waste your time doing useless things, or I wish I had enough time to do all the things you do. You will never please anyone, your family is either too traditional, or too modern, all depending on who you talk to. Even with just talking to one person, their opinions can be contradicting. So you know, you just have to pick what is best for you it will be a mix of everything. I think everyone and every family has a mix of traditional and modern. Even in the most traditional setting.
  • I often feel like most people said I got married too young, had babies too young, and I'm too dependent on my husband. Well what was right for me might not be right for you. I feel like that, until I'm talking to someone else who tells me I don't have enough kids and they are spread to far apart.
  • Anyway, I now have a life plan. Life feels good, I feel at peace with what I want in life, what I can obtain in life, and what I can actually work with.

1 comment:

  1. People TELL you that you got married too young, had babies too young, and you're too dependent on your husband? Um, that's the strangest thing I've heard in a while. What kind of person SAYS that to another?? Crazy!