First Day of School

I was one of those kids that dreaded the first day of school.  Who would be my teachers, where would I sit, would I have friends in class, what would people think of my clothes, what about lunch, oh lunch what an awful part of the day until friends and routines were established.  The night before the first day of school was the worst, because you could no longer put off the inevitable, it was coming tomorrow.  Well I had one of those nights last Sunday.  I was dreading Christmas break to finish, I even suggested to my husband that we stay up all night in hopes it wouldn't come.  I wasn't serious, I was tired as all get out which is why I was so worried.
Primary had been miserable earlier in the day, church in general had been long, it started later which I wasn't trilled about, and then later in the day I totally stuck my foot in my mouth, and then pushed in as far as possible.  The first day of primary with a new class had not gone well, I was not happy about Christmas break being over.  In the morning, my husband was leaving on a week long business trip, and preschool was starting up again.  I wasn't ready for preschool again, although it was for the best that J had preschool while Brent was gone. But whoa was me, please Monday do not come.  I was feeling so terrible that eventhough I slept through the night, I had fit-full dreams, full of violence, embarrassment, confusion and more violence.  Did I mention violence?  I haven't had a violent dream in ages.
But luckily Monday came and went, and nothing was as bad as my Sunday night.

And as always this is posted later, because I don't post about my husband gone until he comes home.

Shoes

Clearly based on my last post, I was going a little nutty in life, especially when it comes to money.  I guess that is what $40,000 does to my mental budging.  That the total cost of my husband's MBA, I know its not the most expensive program out there, but still not cheap.

Well on Wednesday after I wrote that post the kids and I went out with some friends and we lost Nan's shoe, I was so furious, fuming for a long time.  But then with a few phone calls I tracked it down.  Once we found it I realized woah, I have gone psycho with my mental perception of money. I did a little writing therapy that night and realized where I've gone wrong and what I need to do to fix my thoughts.  

The long and short of all of this, is I think a need a blog sabbatical. I need an internet cleanse.  Although I find it oddly liberating to hang my dirty laundry out for all the world I need some personal journal writing therapy not post for the whole world wide web therapy. Maybe when I come back I'll have switched blogs.  I think I need to re-invent my blog. I don't want therapy blog, I also don't like have political posts anymore, even though I loved those when I started.  Maybe its time to go truly to a mommy blog/family blog.  I won't go away forever.  Just a week or a month or long or something shorter. Maybe I'll blame it on Shannon for her Jess post, but that wouldn't be fair. I've been thinking about it for a while that I need to get back to personal pen on paper for my personal posts. Until next time.

A few money things about me

A few things about me:

• I use to love buying things, I loved walking out the store with bags of new things, now when I buy stuff I feel guilty.
• I want to upgrade to blu rays on Netflix but I'm having a hard time justifying the extra $2.  But they are so nice looking on my tv, and I don't pay for cable.
• About once a year I get the itch to buy new carseats, my husband stomps that out, he has no need to buy new carseats.  Why I do is beyond me?
• Whenever my husband shows me something he wants, I say, if you think we can afford it, get it.  Then when he doesn't buy it I feel bad, and wonder if I should buy it for him.  I don't buy it for him.  Unless I say no, before he finishes his sentence.
• I don't like people buying my family stuff, I like to feel independent, but then when I hear about people who never have to buy stuff for their kids because other people do, I think that is really awesome.  
• I think I had decided to adopt my cousin in law's budget of $40 a month for crafts, some months I spend more some I spend less.  I want to be a budget so $40 is my cap, if I don't spend it, it doesn't roll over. 
• I have a lot of things I want to save up for, so that is why the neflix $2 extra is hard.
• I am tore between thinking I deserve to dress fashionable and thinking my life will survive quite fine if I go without out.  Think the conference talk about the father who went without a new suit so he could send his son a mission, and the mother who got a part time job.  Ok, so I'm not saving to put my son on a mission, but a little doing without never hurt anyone.
• I don't have a full time job, or a part time job.  Sometimes I consider it, but right now, its a wrong time.  I know all about jobs stay at home mom's have, but right now I that is not my stage of life.  Maybe some day.  
• I always tell my husband I'm going to tape a picture of what we are saving up for on my wallet, so I'm less likely to pull out my credit card.  But like I said sometimes I think I deserve what I want to buy.  I'm always torn between a deserving conceit and guilt.  I think I need to find a middle ground.
• Sometimes I get mad at my children if they break a toy I just spent money on.  Even though my children't would never purposely break something.  I hate spending money on something that turns out to be junk.
• That is one of my fears in life wasting my money.
• My dream is to be as cool as the cow gravy boat giver guy, that doesn't mean anything to any of you, other than my husband.
• I often wonder how many times my husband and I are going to talk to real estate agents, and mortgage brokers, before we decided houses have dropped enough in price.  We are currently not talking to any, I just wonder so far we are up to three times.  Thank goodness we have always left our agents high and dry, and we are not underwater.
• One of my brothers use to always ask me if he had a ton in savings, since we were cheap or frugal.  I said no, we didn't. I'm not convince not spending gets you any closer to anything.  I always feel broke, and people that spend never seem to feel broke.

Bragging About My Baby Girl

This is my blog so sometimes I get to brag.  I think my daughter is a rock star right now because she is fulfilling requirements of a 4 year old in preschool. She sits on the ground puts her baby next to her, and "reads" her baby books. She knows that the words on the page make up the story, and drags her finger along the words making baby babble.  (Since baby babble is still her primary verbal communication.) I know that any child that is read to often knows the story comes from the text, so its really not that amazing.  But I'm still proud that my 2 year and 3 week old knows one of the requirements for an almost 5 year old.
In other cuteness, I tell her multiple times a day what a pretty girl she is.  (Its my coping mechanism to get through the fits, tantrums, screams and cries. I actually find the terrible two tantrums enjoyable because they are weak sauce to her previous aged tantrums and screams, and she as good times of the day now, instead of just whines.) But back to the cuteness, today we were looking in the mirror together, and I once again said what a pretty girl you are.  Then I squished our cheeks together and said look how cute we are?  She said, "Yeaahhh!" Then I asked who is prettier, Nan or Mom?  She said, "Mommy!"  Ha Ha, how awesome is she.  It was nice to have a pick me up this morning, because I had a rough night.  My kids slept through the night, but the same could not be said for me.  Luckily my husband's pillow smells all type of wonderful like him.
I would like to  post a super cute picture of my daughter on this post, but I'm out of space, which is the reason I need to switch blogs.  Which also be the reason I'm not posting about my recent vacation.

Heart Healthy

You know how some cereal boxes and other things say "Heart Healthy"  well I've never really thought about any of that.  I am in good health so I don't care about those things.  Until we went to Seattle for a week, and we didn't eat much homemade food, I ate waffles everyday all week for breakfast, and we went to Fast Food almost everyday for lunch.  As the week progressed, I felt worse and worse.  I started to crave homemade food, like anytime you are on vacation for a week. I dreamed of cooked wheat, whole grains, all natural food that hasn't been processed in a factory and bought at a store.  Not to mention, I started to get shortness of breath, and lose of stamina, yes after only a week.  Now some might wonder if I maybe not be in good health if that happened after only a week.  Who knows maybe not, but as long as I eat right I feel fine, so long story short I'm happy to be home, and eat heart healthy food.  Luckily I naturally eat heart healthy food, because I get sick when I eat junk food.  Honestly I have no idea how people eat out all the time, eat processed packaged food and lots of fats and sugars, because honestly it makes me feel so yucky.

Being a Poser

First off you can tell I was a kid/teenager in the 90s because I still use the term poser.
In a recent TIME issue they had an article about Mark Zuckerberg you know the facebook founder.  The article says on his facebook page he has "eliminating desire" which comes from the Buddhist phrase "Eliminating desire for all that doesn't really matter."  I really liked that Buddhist phrase and have been thinking about it for days.  I think I want to try to incorporate in my life.  Without knowing that phrase I've been trying to incorporate it in my life.  Am I the only one that goes to run errands and get overwhelmed at the amount of stores in the strip mall, and the amount of stuff there is to buy?  But then gets frustrated when you can't actually find what you are looking for?  I often find myself overwhelmed with our Nation's consumerism but then yet I always want to go buy new stuff.  Its terrible, I work really hard at not buying just anything, and not bring more into my house than is going out.  Overall I overthink it all, and I should be trying to eliminate my desires for uselessness and stuff.
But I'm terrible at that, because sometimes I really love that feeling of buying new stuff. In my opinion other than over-thinking everything, getting a high from new stuff is one of my worst traits.

Two last things, about the article. The article explained the progression of the Internet, which I found quite useful, and helped me understand Tron Legacy better. We went to go see it in 3D for anniversary, it cost $29 for our tickets, and I almost had a heart attack. We also went hot tubbing, which was fun, it was very cold outside and sprinkling in that Seattle rain way, but the water was plenty warm.
Last piece from the article, it said, "Zuckerberg is part of the last generation of human beings who will remember life before the Internet, though only just. He was born in 1984 " I too was born in 84, so I sort of feel like a failure for not inventing something like facebook.  But the point of that quote is, that is my claim to fame, the last generation of human beings who remember life before the Internet.  Yes, I remember getting AOL as a kid, I remember having no internet after my parents canceled AOL, I remember getting comcast cable internet before any of my friends.  One of the coolest things about my father is we were always up on the technology.  I never remember not having a computer in our house but I remember getting the internet, that is my claim to fame.  I also remember when we got the original iMac. Lets just say we were cool, cable internet and an iMac. Which back to my anniversary and husband is why Brent and I are perfect for each other.  I hate slow computers, slow internet, and bad screen quality.  Brent is always upgrading our computers, we always have at least one computer per person in our house, and we have fast internet. Not to mention I really love watching Blu-rays on our super nice TV.

Lots to Say?

I'm pretty sure I'd have lots to say if I knew what was going on in my mind.  But I'm not quite sure what I'm thinking, and what I want to share.  My husband only has two semesters left of school, hooray!  We have been lucky its been quite terrible, but not as bad as it could be.  We heard we wouldn't see him for two years, we see him all the time, and the terrible parts were really actually from me getting depressed last winter not from school. But I digress (do I sound like a blogger?) My husband is almost done so we are dreaming and scheming in ways I wouldn't have even dreamt possible.  I can see the end of the tunnel.  But what else is there to say?

That primary was miserable today?  Who's idea was it to get rid of opening exercises?  Why would we want to length the rest of primary by 20 minutes? But we will survive. Speaking of primary I'm not quite sure how my boy isn't a sunbeam anymore?  Remember when sunbeams became stars?  That was a kinder gentler world, sunbeam to CTR thats just too fast.

And since I haven't said anything here is a picture of me and my family in Seattle, its good to be home from vacation, no matter how fun it is. We have only been home for two days but yet we have done a mammoth amount of stuff, and I'm just slightly overwhelmed about the upcoming week. But I do adore my family. And since its the new year, I will say I'm in such a happier place this year then I was last.  Last year started miserable, I got very depressed, but I ended the summer and into fall on a high note, and so now I can be excited for a new year. Since I'm saying a whole lot for saying nothing at all, I will say from time to time I wonder why I still blog, but I'm so addicted to reading all about your lives on Google Reader I can't quit in fear you might quit.