Thursday, September 19, 2013


Chapter 3

In high school I hated dating, occasionally I would go on a few dates, then I would decided I despised it, and stop.  Then a few months later, I would go on a few more, and hate it again.
I grew up with plans of college, degrees and a career.  I had babysat for 4 years, and for the last two I babysat usually three times a week.  I would have claimed I was good with children, I seemed to be sought after and refused to take a job for under $5 an hour.  The summer I was 15 I found a different job, and never looked back on babysitting.  I had no desire to take care of anyone's children, and had no interested in getting married or having my own children one day.
Both of those details are needed to understand why a few weeks before I went to college my father sat me down and told me DO NOT tell people you do not like dating, do not tell people you don't want to get married.  I'm sure I hmmed and hawed, but by 18 I was fairly obedient, and so I planned on listening to my dad.
I went off to college, following his advice, I was a good girl, who was friendly to boys, flirted with boys, and tried to be friends with girls.  I was never good at that last part, turns out girls don't actually like other girls that are flirty.  I was in Mormon country, so I tried to stick with other freshman boy.  I had no interest in getting to know any boys who were ready for anything beyond an LDS mission.  I had no problem dating boys who would hint to me writing them on a mission, but I had absolutely no interest in anything else. I had gone on plenty of dates with boys looking for someone to write them on their missions, I had diffused all those, so that is something I could deal with. Boys looking for a wife, that was not something I was ready to undertake.
But when Brent came in my life, he create a hitch in all my assumptions with boys.  He had not confirmed it, but I was positive he was a Return Missionary, I was positive he was a good obedient boy who listen to a Mission President who told him it was now his responsibility to get married.  (I was right that he was a good obedient boy who would try listen to his President, I was just wrong in the advice his President gave.  He was told him to buy real estate, but that story comes up later.)
I swear the more I ignored Brent the more he wanted to be my friend.  I can't remember how technology worked in those days, but somehow he had my screen name and he started chatting with me on AOL IM, and then he truly wouldn't go away.  So finally I disobeyed my father.  I told him, I'm not interested in being friends with you, you are a return missionary and I don't want to get married.  He said I'm not interested in dating you or getting married to anyone right now.  I said I don't believe you, freshly return missionaries always want to get married. He was the only boy I told that to, the only time I disobeyed my father and mentioned that.  Although considering how committed to my degree and taking the right classes at the right time, and keeping to my four year plan, I'm pretty sure a lot of my neighbors knew I was an outsider that had different goals then them.
So Brent continued to talk to me when he saw me, and continued to instant message me.  I couldn't understand why he wouldn't go away.  I think he was actually being honest when he said I don't want to date you, which is why he wouldn't go away.  Some how we started talking politics, and then I truly started chatting back with him.  Remember my major was political science.  I grew up in a house that got the newspaper, and news magazines, we discussed current events. One of the things that made me most homesick is as far as I could tell everyone I knew was illiterate.  I know I was at college, but where were the insightful people who cared about issues and discussed what was happening in the world.  This was only a few months after the US invaded Iraq, I was used to discussing with my fellow classmates how our lives would change based on what our politicians were doing.  Then I went to college, I found it a huge let down, that no one seemed to know where the heck Washington DC even was.  Sure I was freshman level PolSci but it was a general so it was a large class and most of the people I came across were upper classmen trying to meet a prerequisite.  So when Brent started talking politics to me it was a godsend. But I was torn, I didn't want to be friends with him. Then I realized beggars can't be choosers, and he seemed to be the only person that genuinely shared my interests and was actually trying to be my friend.
By the end of the month (september) I apologized to him.  I said, I'm sorry I've been so rude, maybe we can actually be friends.  The rest was history, we spent weeks talking about every political issue you could think of, we spend hours each day talking.  But it was all good, he only wanted to be my friend.

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