No offense to any of you out there with a perfect child, but you all make me feel like crap. I know I know, you aren't trying to say that at all. I know, I know the miracle of perfect children, my first was one, he never cried.
So the point is I have had a perfect child, but I hate to hear about other perfect children, because it makes my inner ego scream, what the heck is wrong with you? What have you done that makes number two hard to manage? Yes, I know all of this has no effect on me, but who out there watches the Middle on ABC? Come on maybe if I wasn't a lazy parent my kids would be better, then at the end of the 30 minutes, I realize its not me, its the kids. Yes, I relate to Frankie.
I have one and only sister remember, in my vast amount of immediate relatives, all of which I love, but only one sister. She has a perfect second child, and when we talk, I'm almost jealous, but not really, because I love my sister and my nieces, and my daughter, and everyone is who they are, and so we all endure. Right? I can't actually have jealously in my heart when I think about our small group of females who share the same maternal grandma. My sister can talk about her second perfect child, because she understands all that.
I remember when my son was a baby, people would ask me if he was a good baby. He was, and I said yes. But inside the question bothered me, why does not crying mean good? I think my daughter is plenty great, but she would hardly fit the definition of what the people were asking. I asked my mom about it. I said what do you answer if your baby is hard to handle. She said, she's a lot of work, but we love her anyway.
Anyway, who knew that would be prophetic.
So speaking of Nan...
On Sunday my visiting teachers (two women in my church congregation who are assigned to me visit me and share a religious thought, but mostly just listen to me jabber) were over. Both are married, but neither of them have children, they seem genuinely interested in my children, intrigued and in awe. So when one of them mentioned Nan I wasn't offended. She said, I noticed when we were singing in the choir, your daughter was so happy. Normally when you see her at church, she is .... well.. seems not very happy, she doesn't seem to enjoy church. But she was so happy to see you sing in the choir, I've never seen her so happy at church. Oh it made me laugh to hear that.
I love my daughter, but sometimes wonder if Brent and I are weak sauce, or just whiners, or maybe imagining things. Are we lazy parents like Frankie and Mike? But thank goodness, for visiting teaching, I will not remember I single thing they said last Sunday as time passes, other than someone else notices that Nan is rarely happy at church. It would have been impossible for me to be offended by what she said, she said it with no projection on me. It was just relief I felt.
That is the problem with perfect babies, I feel like they are every where. Everyone in the blogsphere, has a perfect baby but me! Everyone is so blessed but me. Yes, I know that is not the way blessings work. I guess I'll just have to remember that next time someone is wondering why they don't have financial blessings, or when someone is wondering why they don't have a boy and a girl. Or when they don't have whatever they are wishing for.
But just let just tell you I'm so happy to meet someone who didn't have an easy going baby. Which is why Sister Muse at church might always be immortalized in my mind. She was the woman who said to me, that sounds exactly like my second child, my first daughter. There comes a time when you just have to say it not colic anymore, because they aren't growing out of it. If I would have had anymore as hard as her, I would have never made it to seven. Oh yes, I love her so much for that comment, almost enough to name another baby after her, but only because her first name is one of my very favorite names.
One day my daughter might read all these posts and feel bad. I will have no good answer for her when she asks why? Other then, you drove me batty, you would sit on the ground playing with your toys just whining. You would wander around the house whining, you would eat dinner whining, you would suck your thumb whining. I don't even understand how that was possible. There was nothing we could do get you to stop that noise, it drove us all nuts. But even with that, I love you more than you'll know, so much that I couldn't even go more than a few hours kissing your cheek. The noises were hardly perfect, but you are the miracle of Nan.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Farmer's Market
I just realized I haven't posted on here since Saturday. (Sometimes I think I might be outgrowing this blog, and only up keep my crafts.) Anyway, on Saturday we went to the Farmer's Market while Grammy was in town. J has been talking non stop about his preschool farmers market, they have set up in one corner of the room. He buys stuff there everyday, but as far as I can tell the rest of the kids stopped after the first day. One day he came home with a caramel, and a fake mini pumpkin decoration, another day he had a caramel and real orange. Anyway, I wanted to show him a real farmer's market, since he loves the preschool farmer's market. That is always what he calls it, the preschool farmer's market. Unfortunately we didn't buy any produce, so he might have been lost in the whole experience, and it was the last Saturday for the year. But Grammy came through and bought him a balloon, while being the cheapskate that I am try to convince him to wait until we saw Aunt Melissa next. (I'm always amazed that he can keep track of his 60+ immediate relatives.)
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Halloween Change of Mind
Its that time of year again. Two months ago I decided on my children's Halloween costumes. But its only two weeks away so its perfect timing, to follow tradition and change my mind.
But as in interjection, I have decided if will keep making my children costumes as long as they want me to, knowing it is inevitable, that they will want me to quit before I'm ready. But if J wants to be spider-man or some other commercialization, than I will buy a polyester costume next year. This is a huge step for me. One reason I'm now ok, is I realize just because we buy a costume one year, doesn't mean we won't make on the next.
Back to changing my mind...
While I was discussing halloween with my mom, I realize more than wanting my children to match, I want Nan to be Red Riding Hood. As a mom I only have two maybe three years of picking their costumes. One year is already done, I decided to save myself, by not really making a costume. She was a cute cat though, with a black sock for a tail, if you closely you can see it behind her. (I know its blurry, you try getting a tactile 10 month old to keep cat ears on.)
But as in interjection, I have decided if will keep making my children costumes as long as they want me to, knowing it is inevitable, that they will want me to quit before I'm ready. But if J wants to be spider-man or some other commercialization, than I will buy a polyester costume next year. This is a huge step for me. One reason I'm now ok, is I realize just because we buy a costume one year, doesn't mean we won't make on the next.
Back to changing my mind...
While I was discussing halloween with my mom, I realize more than wanting my children to match, I want Nan to be Red Riding Hood. As a mom I only have two maybe three years of picking their costumes. One year is already done, I decided to save myself, by not really making a costume. She was a cute cat though, with a black sock for a tail, if you closely you can see it behind her. (I know its blurry, you try getting a tactile 10 month old to keep cat ears on.)
So that quite possibly leaves only this year. I decided I would rather my daughter be red riding hood than match with her brother. (Next year we have pink cowboy boots, so that year is taken, and by the time she is almost four I definitely don't get to pick.) Anyway, so this year I have a ghost, and a soon to be red riding hood. We even got a handme down dress the other day that will be perfect under the cape. If we go to a Halloween party, I'll dress up as an old lady, my husband a wolf, and our lonesome ghost child. The rest of us will be matching, and that works too. The ghost of the old lady maybe? But then again, if we don't go to a party we won't dress up, other than our children of course.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Another Happy Book
On my way to check out children books at the library I grabbed, Happy: Simple Steps to Get the Most out of Life, by Ian K. Smith, MD. it was on display. It had some good advice but it was a typical Positive Psychology book. Since positive psychology is a new-ish field, I guess there is only so many sources quote, because I had read most of the quotes in other positive psychology books.
This blog post is very fragmented and reads like notes in a spiral.
I liked chapter 2 the best, "Play to Your Strengths" Do you know the difference between strengths and talents? Strengths are moral traits, and talents are natural abilities. The people that are reported to be the happiest, know the their strengths, and try to improve them. Or something to all this, I'm might have paraphrased wrong.
There are six universal virtues: wisdom, courage, humanity (love), justice, temperance (moderation in action, thought, or feeling) and transcendence.
So feel free to skip the rest, I'm now going to identified my virtues.
Wisdom
Love of learning, (B) "your learning is not incentivize by any external reward it will bring, rather, you enjoy learning for the sake of learning
Judgement/critical thinking/open-mindedness (b)
Deliberate thinker, doesn't run into judgement. Take your time to think things through. Examine issues from all sides, weight being you make decisions. You do not lock into a unchangeable position.
Ingenuity/originality, you rarely settle for doing things the conventional way
Perspective, (b) You are sought after by other who want your experience to help them solve problems and gain perspective
social intelligence/emotional intelligence, you possess a good understanding of yourself and others
good at judging moods, temperament and intentions appropriately. you are in touch with you feelings and can find others.
courage
Perseverance, you finish what you start, you do what you say you're going to do. You are determined to reach your goals, but you're reasonable and don't let them turn into blinding obsessions. You are flexible, realistic, and ambitious
humanity and love
kindness and generosity, you are kind an generous, giving you good deeds give you pleasure and joy. You realizes others need respect, you believe others have worth
loving and allowing oneself to be loved,
high value on close relationships
justice
Citizenship/duty/teamwork/loyalty
you are a reliable teammate, who functions very well in a group. You carry your own load.
leadership
you are a good organizer, make sure plans are carried out, you keep good rlations being members while being a leader
temperance
prudence/discretion/caution
you look before you leap (you avoid saying or doing things that you might regret) You carefully consider before taking actions, you are able to look ahead by risiting impulses for the sake of longer term success
humility and modesty
you don't seek or want the spotlight. you don't see yourself as special
transcendence
hope, you have a positive outlook, and expect good things to happen, you think the best is yet to come, and work towards it. You lead a goal directed life with focus on the future
appreciation of beauty and excellence, you take time to appreciate and enjoy the good things in life, you appreciate beauty and skill in various spheres in life whether spots
playfulness humor you enjoy a good laugh, you don't take yourself or life too seriously.
zest
energetic, spirited, and passionate,
sense of purpose/faith
You strongly believe in higher purpose, you are aware of your position in the world and in the larger scheme of things.
identify five greatest strengths
"Unfortunately, many people misunderstand optimism. The think that someone who is optimistic is always happy and never discourage. That is simply not the case. ... Optimists tend to explain positive events as having happened because of them, not because of some random outside force. ... Conversely, optimists don't see negative events as being due to their own behavior or decision make. In fact, they see negative events as not being their fault and as isolated occurrence. (61)"
Optimist- "Describe good events as permanent, they are responsible and predictors of more good events. Bad events are temporary, outside their control and unlike to happen again."
Pessimists describe good events as temporary out their control, etc, bad events are permanent and predictors of more, etc. p76
What I found interesting is as humans we are hard wired to be optimists, we have an optimism bias, we think are going to live longer than life expectancy, not get divorce, win the lottery, etc.
"The happiest people are fearless dreamers" 125 That explains why Brent is rarely sad or depressed. I am not a fearless dreamer.
"Americans live to work, while we work to live" 142
Concept of "flow", "...it as a the mental state of operations achieved when a person is fully engaged in what he or she is doing; it is a feeling of energized focus, full involvement, and success in the process of the activity that is being undertaken. Flow is the "optimal experience" 162
"Flow is all about surrendering to the moment. It is the opposite of multitasking, where you efforts and concentration are divided. The single-tasking during flow increases your level of productivity and allows you to reach your goals. Flow feels so good that it becomes addictive." 169
The times I really love being a mom to my kids and running my household (as Austen movies say) is when I experience flow through out the day.
This blog post is very fragmented and reads like notes in a spiral.
I liked chapter 2 the best, "Play to Your Strengths" Do you know the difference between strengths and talents? Strengths are moral traits, and talents are natural abilities. The people that are reported to be the happiest, know the their strengths, and try to improve them. Or something to all this, I'm might have paraphrased wrong.
There are six universal virtues: wisdom, courage, humanity (love), justice, temperance (moderation in action, thought, or feeling) and transcendence.
So feel free to skip the rest, I'm now going to identified my virtues.
Wisdom
Love of learning, (B) "your learning is not incentivize by any external reward it will bring, rather, you enjoy learning for the sake of learning
Judgement/critical thinking/open-mindedness (b)
Deliberate thinker, doesn't run into judgement. Take your time to think things through. Examine issues from all sides, weight being you make decisions. You do not lock into a unchangeable position.
Ingenuity/originality, you rarely settle for doing things the conventional way
Perspective, (b) You are sought after by other who want your experience to help them solve problems and gain perspective
social intelligence/emotional intelligence, you possess a good understanding of yourself and others
good at judging moods, temperament and intentions appropriately. you are in touch with you feelings and can find others.
courage
Perseverance, you finish what you start, you do what you say you're going to do. You are determined to reach your goals, but you're reasonable and don't let them turn into blinding obsessions. You are flexible, realistic, and ambitious
humanity and love
kindness and generosity, you are kind an generous, giving you good deeds give you pleasure and joy. You realizes others need respect, you believe others have worth
loving and allowing oneself to be loved,
high value on close relationships
justice
Citizenship/duty/teamwork/loyalty
you are a reliable teammate, who functions very well in a group. You carry your own load.
leadership
you are a good organizer, make sure plans are carried out, you keep good rlations being members while being a leader
temperance
prudence/discretion/caution
you look before you leap (you avoid saying or doing things that you might regret) You carefully consider before taking actions, you are able to look ahead by risiting impulses for the sake of longer term success
humility and modesty
you don't seek or want the spotlight. you don't see yourself as special
transcendence
hope, you have a positive outlook, and expect good things to happen, you think the best is yet to come, and work towards it. You lead a goal directed life with focus on the future
appreciation of beauty and excellence, you take time to appreciate and enjoy the good things in life, you appreciate beauty and skill in various spheres in life whether spots
playfulness humor you enjoy a good laugh, you don't take yourself or life too seriously.
zest
energetic, spirited, and passionate,
sense of purpose/faith
You strongly believe in higher purpose, you are aware of your position in the world and in the larger scheme of things.
identify five greatest strengths
"Unfortunately, many people misunderstand optimism. The think that someone who is optimistic is always happy and never discourage. That is simply not the case. ... Optimists tend to explain positive events as having happened because of them, not because of some random outside force. ... Conversely, optimists don't see negative events as being due to their own behavior or decision make. In fact, they see negative events as not being their fault and as isolated occurrence. (61)"
Optimist- "Describe good events as permanent, they are responsible and predictors of more good events. Bad events are temporary, outside their control and unlike to happen again."
Pessimists describe good events as temporary out their control, etc, bad events are permanent and predictors of more, etc. p76
What I found interesting is as humans we are hard wired to be optimists, we have an optimism bias, we think are going to live longer than life expectancy, not get divorce, win the lottery, etc.
"The happiest people are fearless dreamers" 125 That explains why Brent is rarely sad or depressed. I am not a fearless dreamer.
"Americans live to work, while we work to live" 142
Concept of "flow", "...it as a the mental state of operations achieved when a person is fully engaged in what he or she is doing; it is a feeling of energized focus, full involvement, and success in the process of the activity that is being undertaken. Flow is the "optimal experience" 162
"Flow is all about surrendering to the moment. It is the opposite of multitasking, where you efforts and concentration are divided. The single-tasking during flow increases your level of productivity and allows you to reach your goals. Flow feels so good that it becomes addictive." 169
The times I really love being a mom to my kids and running my household (as Austen movies say) is when I experience flow through out the day.
Loving Preschool
On Tuesday when I came to pick up my son for preschool, he said he had a picture to take home, it wasn't in his cubby, so I went to ask a teacher. It wasn't ready yet, but instead he showed me all the other stuff around the classroom. He was very excited to show me the Preschool Farmer's Market.
Yesterday when I picked him up he had a bag, and said we got to buy stuff at the farmers market. He bought bread in the shape and color of a pumpkin, a grape and a caramel. I was slightly confused, a grape? I asked if everyone got pumpkin bread? No, only one other kid. What did the other kids buy? I don't know I don't remember. When we got home I looked in the bag, indeed he got pumpkin bread (tastes like white), one grape, and a caramel. One real grape with one 25 cent sticker. Got to love four year olds, I have no idea if it was his doing or someone else. They crack me up.
Yesterday when I picked him up he had a bag, and said we got to buy stuff at the farmers market. He bought bread in the shape and color of a pumpkin, a grape and a caramel. I was slightly confused, a grape? I asked if everyone got pumpkin bread? No, only one other kid. What did the other kids buy? I don't know I don't remember. When we got home I looked in the bag, indeed he got pumpkin bread (tastes like white), one grape, and a caramel. One real grape with one 25 cent sticker. Got to love four year olds, I have no idea if it was his doing or someone else. They crack me up.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Alice in Wonderland
I thought my daughter looked like Alice on Sunday.
Isn't she so sweet looking?
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Back
I'm back. That's what I thought about when I cleaned up after dinner. I'm back, recently I have a great interested in crafts and creating things and such. All of sudden I realized, I've recovered from my busy summer. All through September, I thought please don't make me craft, I'm so tired I just want to read and watch TV. My summer was long and busy, and good, but boy after my family reunion and my brother's wedding, I was just tired! Its good not to be there in the tired anymore. Not to mention my husband and I kept so busy camping all summer how could I get rested?
Then I strep, then I had stomach flu. Goodness sakes, I rarely get sick, then two big doozies only weeks apart. (I mean I've never had strep before, and stomach flu, second time in ten years.) I never blogged about the flu, it was terrible, but we've had it before, so it wasn't terrible. I'm not nursing, so I actually have an immune system for myself, so it was nice to recover timely. My husband didn't throw up, thank goodness, but did sleep for 12 hours once the other three of us got better. I lost something like seven pounds (I can't remember the exact number) while I was sick. In case you haven't seen me I don't have seven pounds to lose, my husband was quite concerned. It would be so nice if I could double twice that back, then we wouldn't have to be concerned. In high school my mom use to make me protein shakes, I weighed more in high school, than I have been married (except pregnancy), I know this sounds fabulous to all you out there. But my husband and I don't see it that way, hopefully health not vanity is the reason people want to lose weight, and so if we are going by health, definitely after the stomach flu I'm not at a healthy weight. This summer I finally decided to accept my size, and buy pants in my size. I honestly didn't own shorts that fit without a belt. I've slowly been getting rid of pants that don't fit, so finally this year will be the year, that I'll reach my idea size now that I have no jeans that fit it. Ha ha, that would be the best.
This post has gotten way off topic, all things just floating in my head, that I only dream of posting late at night or early in the morning. So finally the world can know my drifting off to bed thoughts, or in the shower pondering. Yes, this is only the top of the barrel. By the way, my husband has encouraged me to start drinking the protein shakes again, in hopes of idea healthy, right? Who knows, but maybe they did help the stomach flu a bit, maybe I would have lost more weight without them. I didn't take them while I was sick.
Oh one last thought, women often say to me, oh if I was your size I would eat another brownie, I bet you can eat lots of sweets and just stay thin. I rarely respond other than an awkward smile, I've found people don't really want a response to that anyway. Either way they are disappointed. I will admit I love sweets, but I don't eat much, sugar makes me ill. Ill enough that for years, my husband always told me to stop eating dessert, if ever got seconds, because he knew I would inevitably end up in bed whining about my discomfort. He no longer has to say no, he's already the voice inside my head. Bizarrely enough, I had more self control in high school. But maybe my aversion to sugar is the reason I'm thin, but most likely its genetics. But yes, I eat more sugar than a chronic dieter, but less than others. I monitor my intake, I think if I eat instant flavored oatmeal this morning, then I can't have a cookie after lunch. Years I ago I stopped eating crappy bright colored cereal, because it just wasn't worth the sugar intake. I think, hmm, juice, will the juice contribute to the sugar in my belly? And assuming the kids aren't driving me up the wall, I think no, I don't want to eat that now, I want to eat ice cream after they are in bed. Except when they are driving me crazy, then I sneak candy hoping my daughter won't smell it, feeling guilty, wondering if this will be the 5 grams of sugar that push me over the edge to wallowing in my bed tonight. Actually that's not true, I've been an adult for a few years now, so I rarely wallow in pain, because I know what my level of intake is, and what I my body can deal with, but I live in fear of that pain. Although I usually get a headache from the sugar before the sickness hits, at least at this point in my life.
Then I strep, then I had stomach flu. Goodness sakes, I rarely get sick, then two big doozies only weeks apart. (I mean I've never had strep before, and stomach flu, second time in ten years.) I never blogged about the flu, it was terrible, but we've had it before, so it wasn't terrible. I'm not nursing, so I actually have an immune system for myself, so it was nice to recover timely. My husband didn't throw up, thank goodness, but did sleep for 12 hours once the other three of us got better. I lost something like seven pounds (I can't remember the exact number) while I was sick. In case you haven't seen me I don't have seven pounds to lose, my husband was quite concerned. It would be so nice if I could double twice that back, then we wouldn't have to be concerned. In high school my mom use to make me protein shakes, I weighed more in high school, than I have been married (except pregnancy), I know this sounds fabulous to all you out there. But my husband and I don't see it that way, hopefully health not vanity is the reason people want to lose weight, and so if we are going by health, definitely after the stomach flu I'm not at a healthy weight. This summer I finally decided to accept my size, and buy pants in my size. I honestly didn't own shorts that fit without a belt. I've slowly been getting rid of pants that don't fit, so finally this year will be the year, that I'll reach my idea size now that I have no jeans that fit it. Ha ha, that would be the best.
This post has gotten way off topic, all things just floating in my head, that I only dream of posting late at night or early in the morning. So finally the world can know my drifting off to bed thoughts, or in the shower pondering. Yes, this is only the top of the barrel. By the way, my husband has encouraged me to start drinking the protein shakes again, in hopes of idea healthy, right? Who knows, but maybe they did help the stomach flu a bit, maybe I would have lost more weight without them. I didn't take them while I was sick.
Oh one last thought, women often say to me, oh if I was your size I would eat another brownie, I bet you can eat lots of sweets and just stay thin. I rarely respond other than an awkward smile, I've found people don't really want a response to that anyway. Either way they are disappointed. I will admit I love sweets, but I don't eat much, sugar makes me ill. Ill enough that for years, my husband always told me to stop eating dessert, if ever got seconds, because he knew I would inevitably end up in bed whining about my discomfort. He no longer has to say no, he's already the voice inside my head. Bizarrely enough, I had more self control in high school. But maybe my aversion to sugar is the reason I'm thin, but most likely its genetics. But yes, I eat more sugar than a chronic dieter, but less than others. I monitor my intake, I think if I eat instant flavored oatmeal this morning, then I can't have a cookie after lunch. Years I ago I stopped eating crappy bright colored cereal, because it just wasn't worth the sugar intake. I think, hmm, juice, will the juice contribute to the sugar in my belly? And assuming the kids aren't driving me up the wall, I think no, I don't want to eat that now, I want to eat ice cream after they are in bed. Except when they are driving me crazy, then I sneak candy hoping my daughter won't smell it, feeling guilty, wondering if this will be the 5 grams of sugar that push me over the edge to wallowing in my bed tonight. Actually that's not true, I've been an adult for a few years now, so I rarely wallow in pain, because I know what my level of intake is, and what I my body can deal with, but I live in fear of that pain. Although I usually get a headache from the sugar before the sickness hits, at least at this point in my life.
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