Thursday, August 14, 2014

Not enjoying

If you spend any amount of time on social media I'm sure you have come across one of the multiple posts about how to talk to people with depression.  It gives examples of what to say and what not to say. 

At least in my life, the worst thing you could ever say to a woman with postpartum depression is, "oh enjoy every minute, they grow up so fast".  I'm pretty sure the five thousand women that say that to me weekly have no idea I have postpartum depression, and sure five thousand is a bit of an exaggeration, but still every time I hear that I want to literally scream! Now I know most people use literally incorrectly, but you can ask my family, this depression makes me angry.  I literally want to scream at the top of my lungs, much like a small child does. Instead I give them an awkward grimace. At which point people don't know how to react so look uncomfortable until they can finish the conversation and walk away.
I don't really enjoy the first year of a baby's life when I'm not suffering from mental illness, I definitely don't enjoy it currently. I go to bed at night wondering how in the world I'll survive another day. So I'm not enjoying every minute, there are some days I'm not even enjoying 5 minutes. 

Sometimes people with mental illness will feel guilty that they aren't enjoying life. In a past lifetime I would feel guilty, this time, I accept life for what it is. Before I started some alternative health depression therapy I was too out of it to feel guilty, now I think my meds are just enough to that I realize this won't last forever, and to just accept life for what it is. I'm not enjoying things, but I know in the back of my mind it will go away. I no longer think I hate my family so that is good. I try to find some time to enjoy each person each week.  

When I started to taking my different supplements I thought, I'm going to be better next week. Life hasn't worked out that way. Which I think is probably normal.

I'm getting pretty bored with these postpartum depression posts. I would like to move on to something else, we will see. 

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