Saturday, April 13, 2013

8 months later

I've been thinking about writing this blog post for a while. Apparently I'm finally getting around to it.
8 months seems to be a special time for me, and I mean that with the highest sarcasm.
I am definitely feeling some postpartum depression. But I've done it before, all long with normal depression, and prenatal depression.  I don't think I got postpartum depression the first time, but I definitely got it with the second, and it was not good, it at a similar time.  This time Brent and I are paying more attention.  So I know just don't do it.  When you want to crawl in bed and never come out, just don't do it (What my prenatal depression was like). When you want to stare at the all for hours on end, because you see no point to moving don't do it (My post postpartum depression last time).  I often want to both, but I know better, I know not to get in to the comatose. For some reason I apparently go comatose when depressed.
 Although it would be lovely if cleaning was an effective anti-depressant.  Its not, I do try to clean on a regular basis because a clean house makes me feel better, but its a fine line of how much cleaning I can do because I get overwhelmed as the family trashes the house so many times a day.
Crafting seems to be fairly effective anti-depressant.  Its like compulsively shopping, but instead I try to only spend a couple of bucks one each craft, so much cheaper. I craft a TON right now.

Lastly, I did not write this as a cry for help.  I am not looking for phone calls, well wishes, or pats on the back (whether physical or electronic).  I wrote this as a record of my life.  I wrote this so I have a history of not only the good or silly, but also bad. Please do not call or email with the sole reason to hope you are helping me, I will be thoroughly annoyed if you are checking up on me, because I feel "blue". I have never liked "cheerleaders" in my life, I don't like people yelling and shouting you can do it, you are awesome.  I'm not sure why that drives me crazy, but it does.  So don't try, I especially don't like it when I'm grumpy, which I am.  Life is fine, sure it has it struggles but when does it not?  I get up, I am completely am to take care of my family, which I do each day. I'm grateful for all the opportunities to take care of my family, and for my ability to do so. I have plenty of happy moments, and days, its just sometimes I have this illness jumping on my shoulders, pushing me down.  But life will go on, and one day, I'll realize its been more than weeks since I've felt like this.