Green Desert

My husband and I drove through Sardine Canyon the other day. We had never seen it so green! We wondered if it was always this green in June or what? We had never actually been in Sardine Canyon before during the month of June, so maybe it was normal. Although I also knew it had been a wet year so maybe, it was rare. Turns out its rare. If global warming means the desert is green, I'll all for it, I don't live in a coastal city, I live in the desert. I don't actually think our wet spring has nothing to do with global warming, but none the less. We found Sardine Canyon awe inspiring in such green shades.

Remember the mud pit/water whole, not the the lake.

Seriously, I can't believe this is a picture of Sardine Canyon.

Sweet Baby

My little year and half year old doesn't really talk. Like really rarely talks, she knows a few words be refuses to repeat them after learned. She speaks way less than the other kids her age. Which is fine I don't care. But today, when I asked her for a kiss and she gave me two in a row, I moved away to make sure he didn't get bored and bite my cheek. Then she looked at me and said, "moh" (more) I bent back down and she gave me two more kisses. Really I can't think of anything sweeter, to hear my baby who doesn't talk ask to give me more kisses.

glutton for punishment

I must be a glutton for punishment, my children have a table sandbox on extended loan from an aunt. I live on the second story. After only having left over dirt for many months, we've upgraded to pinto beans. The unfortunate problem is the neighbor kids can't handle it, and dumped the entire table box down into the grass. We (the children, other parents, and me) spend 45 minutes cleaning up the beans, needless to say the neighbor kids aren't allow on my patio anymore. I clean up beans on a regular bases, I tell my daughter we don't spill beans, but she has a hard time understand. Which means she picks up 5, I pick up 50. Yes, I must be a glutton for punishment. I would get rid of it, except for it entertains my daughter for hours. Even after 45 minutes we missed some beans. Not to mention that, extra beans keep falling off the edge of the patio. My solution to the extras was to line the rail of the patio with plants, they are on plastic mats with lips, I'm hoping less fall. The problem with the falling ones, is they keep sprouting in the grass. My son and I go out regularly to pull them out. My husband thinks we should leave them, I don't think that is too responsible. (The lawn movers do come Tuesdays, so they would never grow too much.) Here is a pile of sprouts, with the bean box beneath. That was one days harvest after being gone for the weekend.

My son loves the sprouted pintos so much we planned green beans in planters. We are hoping our rails provide nice climbing wall.

For family home evening, we planted our patio garden. We actually used potting soil this year, instead of dirt from our rental yard, so we are hoping they take off better this year.

In connection with the beans, we planted tomatoes, and cilantro. Two cherry tomatoes, and two grape tomatoes, but I'm slightly disappointed, our plan was to plant to grape tomatoes. We went to our local box store, and all they had were cherries. So that's what we got, but then we got to thinking and went to Home Depot to look for grapes. We only could find huge pots or slightly smaller than our cherry pots. Not to mention, at Home Depot they had cherry tomatoes especially for patio planting, the ones we had already purchased didn't say that. Oh well. We do little tomatoes because based on our experience last year, the grapes produced all summer long, and we could use them in meals mutlitple times a week. The full sized tomatoes plants, took all summer to grow two tomatoes each then they split before they turned red.

I've also had some purple pansies for awhile, because purple pansies make me happy. But I think these purple, yellow, and orange violets might make me happier. Our beans and cilantro are behind the wee one.

Also while at Home Depot, I bought these little purple alyssums. Lets hope they work better than the violets that died in this pot. I thought they died because they got too hot hanging up there, with a pot that drained too well. But upon further inspection last night, I think its because they weren't really planted in dirt more like old bark mulch, and not to much of it either. (I didn't want to buy soil for such a small pot.) These hang outside my kitchen window so I can see little purple flowers. I'm hoping they work, they have lots of new fresh dirt, this morning they look happier than when I planted them. They need 6 hours of sun which they will get and more. The tag said spring-fall bloomer, I'm hoping that means through summer, not spring or fall, like pansies, because we are in summer now. It also says water once or twice a week, but I think I need to do more since they are in a hot pot and not in the ground. I'm not a very good gardener, I kill most things, so I'm worried about my teeny purple plants.

Once last thought I love dual parenting. Last night, I told my son to ask his dad why we plant a garden. Dad said, because the prophet told us to so we can be self reliant, and so we can understand how God's creations grow. Nice answer, I wouldn't have thought of the second clause. But at the same time, sometimes my husband has a hard time explaining things to a four year old brain, in which case I step in and help the explanation. Things work better with both us.

Not deserving

I have a thought-- that I'm extremely blessed but undeserving. I live in the US, I belong to the upper middle class, even though I am still young and live in apartment, I have hope of raising higher as I continue to age. That is the middle class right? I am well educated, I married a man who is well educated. He is not abusive, we have the right to vote, I am granted as many rights as him. I was raised in a good family, as was he. I am a member of two really great families. I feel very connected to my religion, both of my families are very connected to the same religion. They all make excellent choices in terms of our religion. I plan on receiving more education at a later day. I have two extremely healthy children. I am extremely blessed, and I'm pretty sure I don't deserve any of my blessings, you see I am in imperfect person. To say I deserve any of this means that that poor woman with no rights, who can't feed her children, related to an abusive man deserves her place in life. I'm pretty sure no one deserves that.
I feel blessed, I feel gratitude, I try to be better, I want to live up to my duties, but at the same times I'm don't think I'm better than anyone else, and don't understand why I have so much while some have so little. I know I don't understand, I know I'm imperfect. But really that is where my faith in the Redeemer who will make everything right one day comes in.
That being said, I do believe I can receive blessings through obedience, but I'm imperfect and always fall short, so deserve no, blessed yes. Even though I have been taught blessings are predicated on our obedience, I'm pretty sure I don't feel worthy of any of my blessings. Although I do love a good tithing blessing, I'm pretty sure anything that goes right financially/materially, is a tithing blessings. Paying tithing is the best on going decision in my life.

Mission President Inspirational Thought

Today I bore my testimony, it was embarrassing, I didn't want to get up. Ok, it wasn't embarrassing, but who wants to get up during Fast meeting. I didn't plan on it, my heart started pounding so I walked up there with absolutely no planning. While up there, something popped into my mind. The mission president for our area spoke at our last two stake conferences. I feel honored, because our mission president a seems pretty awesome, and is a great speaker. Both times he said, "you don't feel like you can find someone to teach, great the Lord loves people who can don't feel up to the task, its not your work, its his, the more humble you are the better." Then he follows up with, "you do think your good enough for the work, well he can work with you too." I love that thought, because whether its missionary work or any other church service, is it the same, I don't feel old enough, smart enough, spiritual enough, whatever for the task that lay ahead. Even other task that aren't directly related to church service, like a moving for a job, having a baby, anything, pretty much every thing in my life I feel like I'm not able. But yet that's the time our live turns out so great right? When we have the opportunity to humbly kneel and say, "Lord, I can't do it, I need you to qualify me for the task." And that is when we are carried and know without a doubt that our Redeemer lives (that was the closing hymn).
The year is half over, which is means, we only have a few more months before we decided what we want to do when my husband graduates. Do we want to purse a MIS afterward, immediately, or a year later, do we want a new job, do we want to move to another state? If we want to do a MIS, then we have to find some schools, apply this fall. This fall, that is way too soon to think about my future. Its overwhelming. I haven't particularly loved the MBA, but at the same time I don't want it to be over, because I don't like time passing. Which all the makes me think about my future/my family's future 5 years, 10 year, 15 year, 20 years. What do we want to do in life, where do we want live in the next two decades, what are we expecting? Which is also overwhelming, when contemplating life choices, like other members of my faith, I often look at my patriarchal blessing. I read it, and think I can't accomplish that, that's in store for me, are you sure Lord? that's a lot to ask of me. I'm pretty sure I'm not up to the task. Which is where the mission president's message comes in. I'm not up to the tasks of the next couple of decades, but I'm pretty sure the Lord is thinking, that's ok we can work on that.
Although I'm pretty sure nothing could be more overwhelming than being called to Activity days (out side of Sunday church activities for girls 8-11 years old) the first time, and the first six months in the role. Check back with me in forty years.
I never thought I would but I love being in Primary I never want to leave, I want to stay in until my last child turns 12. My husband helped me in Primary today because my team teacher wasn't there. I like my team teacher, but I think it would be so fun to serve in primary with my husband, he said you don't want me in I'm not good with kids that age. (Plus he sings the songs!, its so great for the kids to see a Priesthood holder singing primary songs. My boys in class loved having a man in class.) I said you get the call, you get set apart, and then it comes out. I said, have you ever seen me been like that with kids before? Do I talk to your nieces and nephews like that? He said, I guess that's true, that is a side of you I've never seen before. Apparently I've channeled my inner primary voice, and I'm loving it. I love junior (3-7 year olds) primary. Which now that I type this it gives me hope for the future, apparently the Lord will qualify me for my future endeavors. He has in the past, I felt ill prepared for Activity Days, and each time I left the girls acted like it was the end of the world, as did their parents.

Who knows

For anyone out there who spends too much time wasted on the internet, and too much time blog-stalking, you'll know one of the big things right now is to have a professional photographer come in and take pictures when you are about to have a baby/right after the baby is born. After looking a photographer in some unknown city to me, online portfolio of "birth stories" in pictures. I realized I'm grateful I did not have one for my daughter's birth. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't want those pictures, 10 minutes is actually a short amount of time, but when your baby is surrounded by nurses, completely blue, and not screaming 10 minutes is nothing short of an eternity. I have no idea if a photographer would actually take pictures of a billgion nurses trying to get a baby to breath, or if a photographer would stay away and take a picture of a worried mother, father, and concerned doctor, or take a break during the whole scene. But even if they took a break I wouldn't want a professional photographer in my situation, I like the fact that we have absolutely no pictures of the hospital room, the attendents, or equipment. Ok, we do have pictures of the room and equipment but only when my husband or I are in the foreground. I like having nothing but my brain to remind me. I don't want pictures that are suppose to look artsy be visual reminders of the horror of waiting for your baby to cry, its emblazon in my memory, I'm glad I only have my memory to tell me what the room looked like not expensive proofs. As it is I always tear up when I see a baby cleaning station, or hear about teaching women in third world countries about infant resuscitation.
It wasn't even an option with my first born, we were too poor, but once again I'm glad I didn't have a professional photographer. Birth was worse than I expect, way longer than I expected and just not a good time. I don't think I want pictures showing my look of doubt. Seriously I went through all of that, for this with the disgusting cord? After birth the first go around there was no love at first sight. But that's ok, neither was meeting Brent. Don't worry, their brown eyes quickly worm their way into my heart.

Oh my goodness I love this girl

This was my attempt to take a picture of one of her hairdos. She didn't want her picture taken. I love her little hair right now. Sometimes she takes her flowers out, but does a pretty good job of keeping them in. Today when she pulled it off her daddy put it back in. Man, I love that man.

Come on, isn't that hair precious?