Thursday, July 23, 2015

Love Languages-- ugg :(

For book group I recently read the Five Love Languages of Children. Turns out when I went to goodreads, I had already read this book 6 years ago. I had no recollection of such. But I am familiar with the Five Love Languages.
I actually think there is a lot of truth in the love languages theory but I kind of don't like them. Because they are so mushy and I don't care too much for words of affirmation. That being said I'm pretty sure it's one of my father's primary as long as it is written so I can appreciate a good affirmation from someone very close to me. But it makes me feel super awkward if I don't feel close to the giver. And I will say I love to hear my husband acknowledge me when we are alone.

Anyway for book group they picked The Five a Love Languages of Children. I'd been meaning to read it because my son is so stoic, I'd hate for him to grow up unable to love, and I do believe a child who felt loved knows how to love as an adult.
So as I read it I thought about our love languages. Hopefully this isn't too private for a public blog. :/
Me - quality time, acts of service
B - physical touch, acts of service (totally didn't realize that until this time around)
J quality time, acts of service
N physical touch, words of affirmation
So a child under five doesn't really have a primary love language they need them all. But I can tell you my almost 3 year old loves presents for holidays but any other time a present is so the last thing on his brain, where if he doesn't get quality one on one time multiple times a day he is a holy terror.
A quality time, physical touch
I physical touch
Ikey, this child gives the best hugs. Everyone feels better once they get an Ikey hug. I think it might be a gift of the spirit for him. He is always willing to drop everything for a hug. Physical touch is so low on my priority list, it's probably tied for last place. But boy even me and J (who hates physical touch) love us an Ikey hug. I almost wonder if I never truly understood hugging before a year ago.
Bizarrely enough gift giving is so low on my list too. But I pride myself on giving good presents. But I don't think you can give good presents unless you've spent time with the person- quality time. I've often thought gift giving is either #1 for someone or #5. I'm not sure anyone is lukewarm on this one. Although I'm starting to wonder if some people receive love differently than how they give it. I've often wondered though why some people seem to desperately give people gifts but then ignore a gift when it is given to them? Is it a defense mechanism or do they really not care about gifts given to them. Or maybe they are waiting for the present they really want, and yet no one is meeting that need? I don't know like I said I pride myself on giving good gifts but I don't actually care about presents. 

This time around reading about the love langauges I thought about other family members, like parents and other people. Once you realize what someone's love language is it totally changes the dynamic of why they do the things they do. 

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