Odds and Ends

I'm a jumble of thoughts:

• Brent has been gone except to sleep since Sunday, I know three days is hardly something to whine about.  But nonetheless I miss him.  We actually did almost eat breakfast with us today, the kids at least saw him, Nan sat on his lap and sucked her thumb, so I should hardly whine but I'm lonely and restless. At least he'll finally be home for dinner tomorrow.
• We would have never been able to handle this schedule last year, but after a year, we've become more independent, stronger.  In fact I not even sure if the kids miss him, they haven't been poorly behaved at all.
• My children were over due on well check-ups, I decided to get them in before the winter, just in case our lucky good health doesn't continue.  We found a new doctor, I've seen a string of bad doctors, we might have our luck changed. He spent a lot of time asking me developmental questions about my kids, discussing them.  He didn't push unnecessary medical procedures, and he seem to be capable of understanding children without staring at a computer screen, so maybe he'll work for us.
• My daughter is 21 months and doesn't talk.  She says mom, she has said a good 20 other words or animal noises but nothing consistent other than ma ma.  I'm not overly concerned because she understands so much, I talked late, but for real, you know I do watch for progress, and I would quickly be concerned if she stopped progress.  Anyway, the doctor and I discussed it at length, by December he wants 10 words consistent in her speech.  I can live with that goal, work with her, but I'll admit I'm slightly concern she won't reach it.   Although he did say she seems to be developmental fine except for speech. That she almost seems like she is stubbornly not talking.  I whole heartedly agreed with his assessment.
• My children are small, I knew that, but lucky the doctor just mentioned it didn't make a big deal.  On their current growth charts, my son will  5'8" sure that could change in two decades.  The doctor seemed to imply something, I quickly responded I that wouldn't surprise me, my husband is the tallest in his family, I might be tall for a female but I definitely have a small build. Not to mention my son was a smaller baby than my husband. The other week in fact I was thinking about the fact that most likely none of my children will break 6  ft and there is chance my husband and I will be taller than all our children, which is 100% ok with me, but then again they could all be taller than us, and that would be fine too.
• Anyway, this makes me tired. All of it, it makes me tired to not have my husband around and to talk to.  
• Since he has been gone I have had lots of time to read, I read the lastest Bloody Jack book, it made me cry.  Which isn't uncommon with some of those books, in the Belly of Bloodhound is so sad. But I love the series.
• I'm in trouble, a month ago I thought I was no where near settling down.  Every time drive my kid to preschool, I think yeah, I might be able to be happy here.  I never thought I could settle down in this state, but where I am I could.  Another block or two east, in a nice older home, in a great neighborhood, with well manicured lawns. With mothers who walk their kids to elementary school.  Going backpacking and camping all summer long.  My husband just needs another promotion soon, and another couple over the next couple of years. Yeah, I'm in trouble.  

That is probably enough rambles for now. Just know, I think my children are adorable right now.  I know my son is my child, because everyday he comes home from preschool with art pictures, every single one has his name big and proud on it.  Yes, that would be my child.  I would love to find in art class to enroll with him, with or without me, so he could into some real mediums, he loves to create art.
Two more thoughts:

1. I try to fill my loneliness with vices, terrible I know.  When my husband goes out of town I have a tendency to shop.  Last time I bought two books for over $15 a piece!  I never spend that much on books, but really there was no used market for the titles I picked out.  Tonight, I strongly wanted to waste money on yucky fast food, or go shopping.  But I restrained myself.  
2. But like I said vices, without the shopping, I have loneliness to fill, I've eaten over half a package of grasshopper cookies, over the past few days.  That's terrible, my body doesn't need such junk.  I bought them when he was out of town last time. Not to mention each day my daughter and I eat ice cream.  Apparently I was saving them for when he wasn't out of town but instead just gone...