Who she is

After contemplating my weak sauciness, I realized it was not the MBA that did it to me.  It was my daughter.  I love my daughter more than words could express more than anyone who is a not a parent could understand, but boy is she a pill. I don't know if you can see my daughter's face in this picture, because of the shadows, but this picture perfectly describes my daughter. She gives me this look more times a day, that I can count. Every time she is upset at me, disappointed, or annoyed at me. Which is often.

It can be quite frustrating to receive such a disappointed stare directed to you so many times a day.  It gives me pity to women who have children with medically recognized problems. But boy does, she wears both her parents to a frazzle almost any day.  The MBA is easy in comparison to caring for her. One day she might read this and ask me why did you write this?  And I'll say, honey I love you more than you could know until you have a daughter, I've loved you since the day you were born, but I can not count the amount of times we have been visiting at someone's house and they ask is she always like this?  "Like this" means whinnying non stop in all she does for at least an hour.  I respond saying, yes, always acts like this, its the miracle of Nan, she can be truly horrid all day, and yet I love her no matter what.
My husband and I were talking about it the other day in the car. Sometimes my daughter is extremely happy and joyful, she loves what is happening, but more often not. She is either very happy or very upset, mostly upset. Unless she is well rested well fed and outside. I told my husband sometimes I think, she just acts poorly because we allow her, its self fulling prophecy and so she acts how we think she will. I think no more, I'm going to think of her as a happy baby and strong willed but joyful baby. Then I swear, she gets worse, spends more times crying and throwing fits than usual. I give up, and think ok, she is who she is, I'll accept her for who she is, and just know, she is going to be ornery a lot of the day. Then all of a sudden she relaxes, she still cries a lot, but she just acts more relaxed. After saying this to my husband, she pipped up from the back seat in her carseat, I swear she was saying, thank you for accepting me as a baby that cries a lot. Its who she is, and apparently who she wants to be. But I'm not giving up faith I'll full expect her to grow out of it one day.
I will always be grateful to the lady who I go to church with, she has 7 kids, and her oldest is about my age, and her youngest is 8. I said a few things about my Nan and she says, that is exact how my second was.  She looked at me dead serious and said, there comes a time when you just have to say, ok its not colic its sometime else, maybe its who she is.  My daughter who was like that was by far my most challenging child, and I wouldn't have had 7 if I had another one has challenging as her.  Anytime I hit my limit, and I remember talking to this women, I feel relived, to know someone understands what I am talking about.  Most people look at me, think I'm exaggerating. I do exaggerated from time to time, but when my husband agrees with me, you know I'm not exaggerating, in fact I think he thinks she is worse behaved than me.
We see my grandparents often as possible, it usually ends up being about once a month, but we have also spent days in a row there.  So my grandma has watched her for the last 19 months. At this point, my grandma just laughs at her like I do, because what else is there to do, when out of no where she starts throwing a fit.  My grandma says, she never changes does she, she has been making those sounds (whiny noises) since she was a baby. 
That being said sometimes she can be extremely sweet. She loves to give me and her dolly kisses, and she loves to mother other things.  I would love to have another child some day, but my daughter has to drastically mellow out, or be in kindergarten. And that is acceptance.  Accepting who she is, what she needs, what my son deserves, and what my husband and I can handle.