Worry Gone

Back during the cold hard depressing winter, I was chatting with an old friend commiserating and sharing horror stories of not having our husband's around. Her husband is doing a residency, while mine is not. At the end of our session she said well good luck surviving until the schedule frees up. I can't remember if I said it or just thought. But that is the problem with me whining about not seeing my husband. He would like to do a second master's degree, he has ambitious career goals, he was a Scout Master at age 25. I'm never going to see him again. Ok, so I will, I see him everyday, and I doubt I really expect my husband to be home at 5 pm everyday of my married life, because my dad definitely didn't have that type of career. But I realized a long time ago, that a sit down dinner as a family is a good goal most nights, but I shouldn't expect more. I think that is what horrified me about the MBA, this is just the beginning, its actually chapter two, Scout Master was the beginning. One day my husband might have to commute, I'm also pretty sure he is going to go back to 40+ weeks in his career at some point. I was worried, I pined over him every night he was gone. I hated putting the kids to bed. I was lonely and watched tv after they were in bed.
Then something happened, a few months ago, the semester let up, finals were looming, for what ever reason this meant he was home more. He kept surprising us by coming home before my son's bedtime. We were actually had family home evening on monday instead of sunday. This should be good, right? This is what I've been waiting for since Christmas Break finished.
Expect, he interrupted my schedule, I'm a creature of habit. I didn't know what to do with the extra Brent time. How was I suppose to watch my TV shows?! If he was home, shouldn't I be spending time with him? What about the jewelry I planned to string after the kids were in bed?! My son was up past 9 playing with his dad, I hate my children awake past 9.
My husband suggested he stay at school longer. I relax, my habits aren't that important. But then something important did happen. I realized I can handle life. I can handle my husband only around his kids an hour or so a day. I can handle bed and bath time alone. I can really handle alone time, I love alone time. If I can handle the MBA, then I can one day handle a commute (we've never had one longer than 20 minutes), I might be able to handle scout master again in my future. I can even handle long work weeks, I know that for a fact, my husband had an insanely busy work schedule when my daughter was colicy and refluxy. Oh it was miserable, but we survived. Apparently I'm a fully functioning mother. I don't need my husband to clean the house, cook us dinner, and take care of the kids. I can do it. I like his help, but turns out I don't need his help. Its just an extra bonus, to the nice comfortable life he provides through his good honest hard work, in the over bureaucratic medical billing industry, that has just become socialized, awesome.