No rest for the wicked

I'm not sure about that title, but my dad called his bishop while I was at his house, and instead of quoting "no rest for the weary", he said no rest for the wicked. I guess that is me. Anyway, there is definitely no rest around here, did a mention the other day one of my other brothers texted my little brother to tell me to stop drinking so many red bulls. I don't drink enegry drinks, but he was commenting on my husband's and I's busy fun filled schedule. So I got back from Texas on Friday afternoon, by Saturday evening, the car was packed all the way up again, and we were driving two cars to the airport. My sister in law and her family were coming back, and needed a ride, we dropped off our car said hello, and sped off into the sunset. By the time we reached by brother in laws house, it was dark, and my oldest was asleep. 

The reason we were there? My nephew was getting the priesthood, and so we attended. I thought my nephew seemed pretty lucky, his father ordained him, in a circle, with both of his grandpas, and two of his uncles (his father's brothers). I thought it was neat. Anyway, the new deacon is the one holding his scriptures.

These two blonde beauties were all about holding their grandma's hand. Although they did not cooperate for the cute picture I was going to take.

Nan was so happy to be back with a grandma, she kept looking at her saying, ma, ma, Ma is the only word she says consitentently and while in Texas she realized grandma, ends with ma. So she now has three for four for five mas in her life.

Spiritual High

I feel like we are riding around a Spiritual High of late.  (Disclaimer, this doesn't not me, we have had fantastic dinners with homemade bread, this does not mean my kids haven't spent too much of the day crying, this does not mean life has resembled perfect at all.)
Recently we have had the opportunity to take J's little friend to Primary with us.  He has never been to primary/nursery before, or any church other than the last 45 minutes of sacrament meeting, for the last few months.  I feel so useful. It was great, and J and his friend looked so cute in their black pin striped slacks, white button up shirts, and different gray ties, I wish I would have had a camera to take a picture of them looking like mini missionaries. Which is what J was-- a missionary taking his friend to primary.  We are also going to start bringing another friend who hasn't attended primary regularly in almost a year.  Its great, although I'm worried about having responsibility over three active four years olds, and hope other teachers see the missionary spark, and don't frown at their extra work.
The first little boy in fact happened to be at our house playing on Monday night, so we did Family Home Evening with the little boy (sure we miss, but I try hard not to). (The little boy who has never really attended church.) We had J conduct, and he did a good job. We started with songs, and my wise husband suggested head shoulders knees and toes, because every child whether they have been to primary or not knows that song.  (Yes, we always sing three or four action songs for the opening song in family home evening, remember the audience.) When J said he wanted to say the prayer, his friend said I don't know how to pray, I said well ok, fold your arms, you know how to do that and J will say it.  Sure I might have said, we'll teach you, but J would have been mad.  There is time for everything right? Who knows, maybe I did it wrong, judge me if you must. Then we had our lesson, over the weekend J asked to have a Family Home Evening lesson on Labor Day Monday about being nice and not nice.  So we of course obliged, and the boys did an excellent job of telling us lots of not nice things. I asked why we need to be nice, J paused and said because Jesus wants us to.  Correct, the friend, looked blank, so after a few more examples of not throwing couches on people, I asked the friend if he knew who Jesus was?  He paused, then said, oh yes, I remembered, he's... and I was about to tell my husband to explain it to the little boy, when I found myself not needing his help, and explaining just enough to the little boy before he attention went back to not hitting people over the head.  (My husband served a mission and I did not, he seems better at explaining elementary religious concepts than me).  We finished up with treats, and not even a half hour had past. Family Home Evening was a success. 
The point of all this, is Missionary work has been thrusted upon me, and I'm grateful.  Apparently, we have been blessed, because we had a lost library book.  I really didn't want to pay for it, but I didn't know where in the world it could be I thought I returned them all.  I've already renewed it once, I figured the time had come to paid the pied piper, but first I was going to look through the bookcases.  In the middle of the first bookcase search, I said a prayer that I would find the book.  As I search the bookcase I thought I should look behind Js bed.  I didn't even recognize it as the spirit, but as I pulled out all sorts of small toys, I found the book!  Hooray, I made sure to tell J that I found the book as an answer to prayer.  But he soon forgot about the spiritual nature of the experience and was profoundly impressed that I could pick up the mattress and move it.  To each their own.  I've never had a primary experience like that before, it was cool, to have enough faith as a four year old.  You know?!  Hopefully, our other four year old neighborhood friends, want to keep coming to primary with us.

Afraid

I'm afraid my babies are growing up..  I mean obviously, but can't they stay these ages forever.  But wouldn't it be fun if we're always running around like crazy, camping every weekend with our Red Subaru.  Life would be fabulous huh?  If that was the the case, except without the MBA.
I love the freedom of our apartment, but I'm having a hard taking J to school.  Its in the middle of a gorgeous old neighborhood, with lots of little kids.  Its farther east than my house, and I'm pretty sure if I found a house there, in my price range I would never leave.  Which is a new fear all in itself, if I bought I might never go explore the world.
Last month we resigned our lease.  It was a terrible experience, we have never lived anywhere for more than 14 months, and now we will stay here for 24.
But yet school ends for my husband next July, then the world is open to us.  So essentially we have no plans, so I had to set a plan.  I came up with it in the shower, the best place for plans.  Next fall, I'm enrolling in a night class for Spanish. I've taken lots of spanish over the years as a child, so hopefully I'll pick it up quick.  My husband has wanted me to take spanish again for a long time now. Now the tables will be turned, he'll put the kids to bed, and I'll go to class, although only one night a week.

A whole new blog post/ The Legacy

In my previous post, I ended with wanting my children as adults to think, deliberate and look back with no regrets.  

So that is more of what I discussed with a sister in law, what legacy we want to leave for our children. This is what I've been thinking about.

1. I want my children to love my religion number one.  I don't want them to come up with every excuse under the sun on why they didn't go to church on sunday, I want them to love to be there like me.  Or maybe just love to serve like my husband.
2. I want my children to love spending time with the family, to love being outdoors together
3. I want them to be confident readers no matter what it takes, and enjoy learning their whole lives.  You know that excitement all small kids have at learning new things, I don't want that to stop for them.
4. Obviously I already said I want them to live a life of no regrets.  But not a careless life, a life of confidence, a life where they are willing to step on a limb and try something hard, but worthwhile. I want them to be sure of who they are and what they want.  Even if the specifics change from time to time.
5. Once again, I want them to be independent I don't want them wards on anyone.  I want them to feel capable and independent, to their own various needs and capabilities.

So maybe the goals, and legacies completely overlap.  I'm really grateful I have a great husband, who picks up the slack I leave behind in parenting, its a lot of work.  And I couldn't do it without him, I couldn't have all these hopes and dreams, and goals for them if he wasn't wiling to be a step up for me.

Hopes and Dreams

After a conversation with my mom, my sister in law Danna, and lots of other various people at various times, I have been thinking about my hopes and dreams for my children.
Number one being, I hope that they decide to embrace the same religion I have.
But other than that I don't expect my children to live the same life as me. Ever since my pregnancy with Nan, I have thought wow one day my daughter will be in my position, with a baby in her belly.  What will life hold for her?  But overall that is not my greatest desire for her.  Sure if motherhood is in her path, that is super fantastic, but if she never becomes a mother in this life, thats fine too.
My number one hope for my children, is they have complete joy in their life.  In my opinion, joy can come when you are not happy, last year I was not happy, but I had plenty of extremely joyful moments.  Joy in my opinion, is embracing the fullness of my religion.  To fully believe, not to accidentally fall into it.  
My life is pathetic, overwhelming, taxing, and all of the above some-days, no ones life is perfect, but I love my beliefs, I love to go to church on Sunday, I sincerely hope one day they share the excitement. I couldn't deal with all the messy hands, thankless acts, and screaming everyday with out my religion.  I would have never made these choices without it.
Number two goal, for them to be independent.
Which is a scary goal for me, I might one day regret, I might one day miss a relationship with them, because they are independent.  But none the less that is what I want.  I find the greatest joy in my religion and family, but secondly I find it in being independent with my husband.  I don't think I'm independent from him, but at the same time I don't think I'm depend on him, I think we pick and choose what we should do, and together we are independent from the rest. I want my children to know the satisfaction of being independent.
And last I hope to teach my children to think, deliberate and look back with no regrets.  My husband and I truly try to live no regrets.  We make decisions, and then go on, we don't worry and fret with what might have been.  I want my children like that, I don't want them wishy washy, always wishing for what might have been, I want the confident, and daring.
But maybe that is more of a legacy than goal... that is a whole new blog post.

First Day

Today was the first day of preschool.  (Yes, I let my son dress himself, I try to guide him, but he has the ultimate decision. We favor independence in this house.)

There is are so many thoughts swirling in my head. Number one I hope I can survive driving him, and picking him up everyday four days a week.  Here he is in front of his school. With his get to know you sheet.  I noticed most of the other ones were colored by moms, completely done by moms.  Now there was a lot of writing, so I had to do a lot, but other than the writing, I made him do it himself.  He told me what to write, he colored it.  I'm not the mom that finishes a craft her child starts, or tells him how to do it.  He has free range over his creations, he has his own markers, glue, scissors, paper, he is free to create whatever he wants whenever he wants.

Why we picked preschool.....
(like I said so many thoughts)
  All the school age cousins on one side are homeschool, all the aunts but one on the other side have been school teachers, or will be. Long before my husband and I had a kid, we started talking about what we would do with our kids, actually before we got married, before we dated we discussed the pro cons of both sides.  No matter what we chose we would be contrary to one side.  We have hardly made an over-arching decision for all our kids, but right now its the best for J to be in school.  For a multitude of reasons:

1. I need deadlines, I'm not proactive on my own, my child would be dumber than a rock at 15, if I didn't have the deadlines school provides.  In the last week, we have done more school at home than we have in months. 
2. I felt like my son would benefit from the social interaction
3. My son is like me, he struggles learning from his mom.  If mom tries to teach it, you whine, fuss, cry, complain, anything but a positive learning experience. Dad, another teacher, anyone else can teach it, but not mom, its just too hard when mom teaches.  I feel bad that I was so difficult with my mom.  But I recognize the behavior coming out of my son.  Just like my mom paid a different piano teacher for me, I think it would be the best for my son to have another teacher. 
4. I love having one on one time with my toddler, I forgot, how fun it was to spend one on one time with J when he was a toddler, I think Nan and I will really enjoy our time while J is at school.  Although today, Nan cried as we left J.
5. I was excited to find a reasonably priced co-op preschool, I have to go help out in the classroom, and I  am excited to.  I plan on being very involved in my son's education, I just don't want to be in-charge of a classroom.
6. What it comes down, people have horror stories about public school, people have horror stories about home school. Lots are very opinionated on either side.  But most students, in most places seem to be fine no matter their education source. You hear the horror stories more than success. Its individual choice for each person, each family, each child.  Public school did not fail me, it helped my mom find the resources she needed for me-- her dyslexic child.  I had many teachers, who spent a lot extra time with me to help me succeed.  It was a teacher that first recognized my learning problem.
7. I'm having a bit of buyers remorse, I accidentally signed my son up for the elementary school not closest to our house, its close, just not where the rest of the neighborhood attends.  But for preschool they don't care what school you go to, in comparison to where you live. But every time I see his teacher interact with him, I know I made a good decision.
8. Along with that, the children were released one at a time today.  J was released last, the teacher came out, and whispered, he is really smart.  I said I know, it overwhelms my husband and I, we don't know what to do.  She said, do nothing just enjoy it.  I'll work on some extra stuff for him, so he is challenged, he very gifted.  I'm sure most parents would swell with pride over that, but not me, I well up with confusion and fear.  I am not gift (despite what my parents might tell you), I was never in gifted classrooms, I think I could handle a behavioral problem, or a learning disability more easily.  That's more my territory.  I honestly am overwhelmed a child who when asked what starts with O, says, bulldozer, no I replied thats a Buh, Buh, B.  Oh, you're right, O is in the middle, and then makes hand gestures to show where the o would be in bulldozer.  Or the child, the spent five minutes last night teaching me all about geyser.  (He learned it online, he told me.)
9. But I appreciate a teacher who noticed.  I appreciate a teacher, who will help him feel challenged, I appreciate a classroom to send him to where he can go to be challenged.  Last winter after our Joyschool preschool fell apart, he cried everyday for a long time, because it was over.  He has been asking me since he before he turned three when he gets to go to school.  It was time, and it will be nice not to have my four year old tell me all winter that he is bored.
10. I have a sister in law, who from time to time on her blog, shares her appreciation for teachers who have worked with her child over the years. Through her blog, I too was glad my nephew had great people in his life. Out of all the things for our tax money on, I am support education. For all the things that they could spend our tax dollars on, I value public libraries, parks, schools, teachers, early intervention programs the most. (But preferably de-centralized, I love our federal system) Sure roads are important how else would we use those great resources for children without them, and yeah I guess we need a national defense so our children are also safe to go to school. But the thing that I think is most worrisome is the lack of funding for science endowments.  And all those children who do have access to great teachers and schools.  (I also find it important to feed poor children so they can learn.) Anyway, I got off topic. 
11.  I have only met my son's teacher twice, but I too am glad he has a great teacher. I can tell she is.  Because I like everyone else in the world had crappy teachers, but luckily I rarely remember them, I only remember the great teachers.  

Like I said, Nan and I enjoyed some one on one time, we ran some errands, went for a walk, checked out a man made pond, and played outside.

Not to mention, my children take turns being the lowest common denominator, when it comes to friends and play dates, Nan is the lowest.  But luckily because of the co-op, I will have to ask my friend who has a daughter, a day younger than N to watch her. She will get to go play with kids her age, instead of four year olds. Yes, this might be a good year for all.  After having a colicy newborn one winter, then surviving year one of the MBA the next winter, with a failed joyschool, we are in need of a good winter.  I have high hopes, and with the high hopes hopefully the second year of the MBA will be easier than last.

Texas

We went to Texas, just the kids and I, we made hubby stay home and work and go to school.

The kids had a grand time with their grandparents.  How did Grandpa know Nan loves to watch tv and cuddle, not to mention he added an iphone to the mix, what could be better for baby Nan.  This is grandpa that everyone tells me Nan looks like.

Did I mention grammy's house is so fun. 

If you go to Texas, you of course have to go to Sonic.  Maybe even twice!

Waiting to go swim.

Hooray for swimming.

Not sure why my kids decided to lay down on the tile floor after swimming.  Nothing like warming up under the a/c vent.

My son scaling the wall.

Hooray for TV time, apparently my kids thought Texas in the summer was cold.

Second Cousin Evie came to play.  These girls did a lot of parallel play and seemed to enjoy each others company.  I always thought Evie was super much older than Nan, but turns out they were born in the same year.  Then again, Evie was born before I got pregnant, it only takes 9 out of 12 months to cook.

My son instituted penny hunts, and grammy obliged. 

Let's not forget the trucks, they are super fun.

Say, "Ice Cream Top" , that's J's new picture phrase. Here we are leaving G and G at the airport.

If you are wondering why all the pictures were taken at my parent's house, and why my children did nothing other than play outside and go to sonic, it would because I spent half the time sick.

When we got home, we found a daddy with a beard.

Oh we missed him so.  The day before we left I told J I missed Daddy, and was excited to see him tomorrow.  Nan started squawking at me, until I looked at her.  She was emphatically shaking her head yes in agreement, she missed her daddy too.