My children

I've been thinking about it for a few days.

I've always said my oldest is the reason I get out of bed in the morning. Ever since saw his little body on my first ultrasound anytime I've been depressed I've willed myself out of bed to take care of my child.

 I had prenatal depression when I was pregnant with him and stayed in bed for at least three weeks if not more. Ironically enough he is the only baby I didn't get postpartum depression with.

When I get depressed he is still the one I worry the most about.

My daughter, is my miracle baby.  For so many reasons...

As Pinterest says, anytime I need a miracle. I look into my daughter's eyes and realized I've already have one.

My third, he is the baby I always wanted. I waited so long for that baby. He was such an easy happy baby.

 

My fourth, I'm still coming up with that...

                   I keep trying to come up with a phrase.

I think my fourth has taught me contentment.

My fourth baby completes us.

He completes the chaos.

Every night when he screams I tell my husband I don't like him anymore, he says whatever, once you are holding him you always want to kiss him. Last night after his belly was full and he wouldn't go back to sleep he got banished to the living room in a porta-crib. (I didn't want his sister, his roommate to suffer from his crying.) I have no idea how long he cried, I went to sleep in the comfort that he would not cause his sister to cry in exhaustion. I'm pretty sure the reason he wakes up at night is because I kiss him in the middle of the night. I never kissed my other babies in the middle of the night I was convinced it would teach them they wanted to be awake and not asleep. So far it proves correct. But I can't help myself, my postpartum depression is bad enough I have to kiss him when I feel like it so I'm incapable of caring for him, myself, and all the rest of them.