Clicked

I was talking with a friend today, and I said something about or something to the effect, about when my daughter hit two feeling like my biological clock was ticking, but every time I prayed about it getting the answer no.  Actually it actually start when she was like less than a year old and my husband told me I was crazy and I still prayed about it anyway, and luckily the Lord told me no, because I then ended up with health problems for a few months, and a crazy unexpected bout of depression neither I or my husband saw until way late in the game.  Yes, I was grateful for those nos, but what about the nos when she was two and my health was in order, or the nos after she was three, or the nos after we bought our house.  I didn't feel lucky for most of them, I often wonder what was wrong with me, that the Lord would tell me not to have another baby.  All those years, I would ask should I have another baby, because EVERYONE was having another baby, I thought its because I was doing something wrong, or He didn't trust me.  But at the park today, all of sudden my mouth said, I now realized it wasn't that the Lord didn't trust me, it was that He loved me.
I had never thought that before, but when I said it, I knew it was a 100% true.

P.S. By the way I do realized three years of asking for a baby isn't actually a long time for some.