Yup she's right

Ha ha, this was suppose to be a post of my son, because I'm also particularly in love with him. He is so great. But I guess it just proves Alisa is right, "Now that you've driven the California central coast, everything in life from here on out will be a disappointment" after looking at these pictures, I can already tell.

Waiting

Have you been waiting for some spring break pictures? Here are some of my daughter, I'm particularly in love with her of late. She is adorable. She has two new molars, she specifically says ma, she say, be (short e, not long), as in bird, and bi, as in bike, and likes to push kids. All discovered today. By the way these are pictures of my future home, well not the rock, but my future home will be a few miles from this beach. My husband and I are so in love, and so obsessed, well yes with each other, but I was referring to the beach.

Execrise

I always think I want to the type of person that exercises, and has tone muscles. Yet, I rarely, rarely exercise. Every so often I do it for about three weeks, then I get busy or tired, or something. I've come to terms with a lot of things in my life that I am not. I am not someone that wears tailored looking clothes, I wear knit. I do not play a musical instrument, I hate practicing. But I either have to realize I'm not someone who has a toned body, or I will have to make a real habit of exercise. Well see when my life meets my expectations. Either I have to change my behavior or change my expectations. I've come to terms with the fact that I'm not a runner, I hate running, but it sounded so appealing in high school, except for the fact that I hate it. But I could exercise more than half the week, I could, I've proved that I can for three weeks, lets just see if I can prove it for longer. Once I exercise every other day for a month I get to buy black yoga pants. Its hard to find yoga pants that are long enough, so I only have sale colors, purple and pink. I'd like something less flashy unfortunately I have to spend more money that way. I've been working on this goal since the beginning of the year, I have high hopes for April.

Easter Bunny

My kids are getting way TOO much for Easter how about yours? I'm being over run with toys, yet they are getting enough for three Easters, what can I say I like toys, I like to shop, I like to fulfill their hearts desires. But that is not the topic of the post.
The Easter Bunny, it seems a little weird to me, I mean come on, look at these guys. I can handle a healthy dose of Santa Claus fun. We track him on the internet, we listen for the bells, we find stockings and toys in the morning, I ask my children what Santa brought them. But I don't think I can ask my son what the Easter Bunny brought him. I can encourage a large overweight elderly man breaking and entering my house, but not an overly large mutant bunny. I could almost handle a small little bunny coming through a rat hole in my house, but, yet we need commercialization so all I can think of is the large mutant bunny.
My son has talked none stop for a month about the Easter Bunny, but I can't encourage it, he can talk about it all he wants, but you won't find me asking what the Easter bunny brought him. I really have no problem with the commercialization of Easter. I have no problem with toys taking over my religious holidays, I have no problem with Conference Sunday/Easter Sunday being about candy and toys. We do have religious discussions on our holidays, but lets face it my kids don't have an attention span for a whole day of religious lessons. I don't ind commercialization I find it fun, but the Easter bunny might be a little too far for me. Its more unbelievable than the Fat man himself (Santa). Santa can bring about historical fiction novels, and ideas of sharing with other with poor kids, but what does the Easter bunny bring other than nightmares of mutant bunnies?! Santa is almost believable, bunnies acting like humans not believable, maybe if it was a chimp. (I know I'm ridiculous.) Although I do like this story, The Country Bunny and the Golden Shoes, ("It is difficult to believe that this very modern feminist tale was originally written in 1939. A gem of a fantasy in which kindness and cleverness win out over size and brawn." -- Review). None the less, I don't know if the Easter Bunny will be mentioned much in my house. I couldn't care less that the origins of the commercialization go back to a festival of fertility. What it really comes down to is that when was the last time you heard about the true spirit of Easter? Never.


I know I'm crazy, and I should have edited this opinion page down to about 200 words.

My dreams

It turns out I've been like entirely stressed out, over whelmed, and hormonally imbalanced. After feeling like a pill addict, I'm starting to finally recover. Which luckily corresponded with MBA Spring Break. Turns outs once I've finally recovered from pregnancy and lactation, I'm willing dream once again with my husband. Where you may ask am I dreaming?
We are totally moving to Morro Bay after my husband graduates. My idea not his, but he was more than willing to oblige. One of the great things about Morro Bay is its not too far away from a nice roadside stop on California's Highway 1, where the Elephant Seals hang out. Pictures to follow, maybe... but I had to post my memories before I forgot, now that Alisa jogged my memory, with her Sea World post.
But it was great to see the Elephant Seals. We spent a good couple of hours are Monterey Bay Aquarium, which was fun, but you know I was dizzy and had a headache and well there is only so much time you can stare at marine life right? Wrong, after that we drove south and found the Elephant Seals(different link). It was seriously one of the coolest things I have ever seen in my entire life. And I think I'm fairly well traveled for 25, I have been to most major cities in America, I have traveled to two different continents other than my own. But this was amazing. So many Elephant Seals just sitting on the beach chilling. Sleeping, cuddling, and occasionally talking, really what else do you need in life? Food, no apparently they don't eat when they are sun bathing, I don't know I only had a chance to scan one information board real quick before I had to make sure my kids didn't run into the parking lot. The only thing that tore us away was the fact that my husband and my bladders were threatening to burst (seriously you think this post has too much personal info?)
Anyway my kids loved it. My daughter kept pointing and laughing, smiling, nodding yes, and barking like a yippy dog. Seriously if that isn't how a 15 month old who doesn't say more than "ma" expresses joy please tell me? My son was shaking, I asked him if he was cold, he said no. Turns out he was visibly shaking because it was just so dang exciting to watch those huge elephant seals 20 feet away. Yes, my 4 year old told me he was shaking because he was so excited to see them. Seeing these elephant seals just yards away, for free, made me wonder why the heck we spent $75 to go to the aquarium. I don't really regret the aquarium, its just dark concave glass doesn't mix well with a headache and dizziness.
I honestly want to move to Morro Bay, for so many reasons, one of which being, me and the kids could go check out the Elephant Seals, weekly, from December to March, to see the bulls fighting (it will be loud), at 5000 lbs. and are 15 ft. in length, to all the seals talking, to the females giving birth, to the new babies.
Because come on, shouldn't my children have the joys of shaking out of joy, and barking like a yippy dog at huge 2,000 lbs elephant seals? Multiple times a year? I think so.

Spring Break

I know there are no pictures on this post, I'm really slow!

We took a much needed break. With my husband's schedule it was much needed. We originally planned this trip, but then canceled it to do something with my parents, then that thing fell through so we went back to our original plans. My mom felt bad but, but we assured her she needed not to. It was what we needed this trip. We got to reconnect with friends we haven't seen in a while. We got to spend time as an immediate family, my kids slept in the car, and my husband and I talked. My husband finally got me dreaming/scheming/ planning a fun filled future that might never happen but we hope will. I figured out what I want out of life, I talked, he listened, he talked a little bit, then I talked so more. (I heard a Bishop's wife one day say, she and her husband were in counseling, and were instructed each night to pull two chairs in front of one another and talk, the husband had 5 minutes, the woman had 25. Now I clearly know not every couple/woman is like that, but that is definitely how my husband and I roll.)
I needed this vacation did I mention that? I needed to share, I need to connect/reconnect. I needed it all. I feel blessed that my husband has so many great friends, that have whole heartedly excepted me into their lives because he was apart of their lives.
I've also realized I've got to get out. I know many people love the state I live in, but I don't. I've hit an acceptance, I get see benefits, I can see positives, I can see blessings, but it is not for me forever, once the MBA degree is in our hand we are out. Although I do love to live by family, and see everyone, that is a benefit. I was not raised there, and still after 7 years I feel like an outsider. SEVEN years, how in the heck did I manage that seven years is a long time. Anyway, the vacation was a blessing.
We staying in Sacarmento for a day and half, ended up in the Bay Area for 3 days and nights, we drove down Highway 1, along the coast, only occasionally wondering if we were going to fall off into the ocean. I kept telling my husband everything is so beautiful and green, he said wait a month, it will all be brown. I fell in love with the ocean for the first time in a very long time. We talked, and we drove, the kids mostly slept, we stopped for the night. We fell in love with the town, and fell in love with the ocean. I like the ocean when its not overly sunny, wierd I know. I'm my mothers daughter, as much as I fight it, its who I am, I take a nap with my arm on my forehead, just like mother, ask my sister in law. We drove with all the LA traffic, and found my brother and family. We just hung out with my sister in law and nephews. We went to the ghetto fabric store and bought buttons. My hair was trimmed, Popsicles were consumed by cousins. My nephew and my son ran into each other, my kid has the huge bruise on his head to prove it. My kid threw up, four times, my husband, brother, and nephews went to the beach. I cried when my son walked outside 5 seconds after barfing saying where is my swimsuit, I want to go to the beach. He didn't get to go to the beach.
Yeah, the end of my trip was slightly more poetic than the beginning. Let me assure you my heart was just as poetic the first weekend, I love it all, but the days have faded, I can't remember everything, only the feelings left, and how do you type on a post those feelings? I don't I can't. But I loved watching our friend's 2 year old daughter yell at my 1 year old, and watching my baby bawl, it has hysterical, everytime. And there is something so relaxing about being in the house on Hidden Lane, that my husband spent so much time in as a kid, and 18 year old. Something so relaxing and accepting, enough so that they probably thought I was as lazy as all get out, I slept until 9 each morning, and took a nap each afternoon. I well forever be indebted to that family for helping my husband become the person he is.
My poor feverish, barfing child who just wanted to go to the beach. Did I mention the whole reason the rest of the boys went to the beach was because mine asked to? I just hope no one else gets sick.

(I forgot to click publish post.)

Here is the end of the trip. We left at 4 am in LA, drove to Vegas for breakfast swore I would never ever stop there for breakfast again. Second time I made that mistake. Told my husband I want to go to another magic show. Then arrived home. I drove about half of the way home, my husband felt sick luckily he did not barf, no one else did. We got home, I unpacked, put the kids to bed, and then my husband and I went to bed. It was a great vacation. I relaxed, my heart was put to ease. Pictures were taken, my children were loved by people they haven't seen in a while. J keeps asking to go back to the Bay Area, to M's house.

Bluebird says Tweet Tweet

I'm in a certain phase of books right now. I just finished Bluebird: Women and the Psychology of Happiness, by Ariel Gore. According the book, turns out most women with family are the happiest working, but also putting time into family. But right now I know I don't want to be working, at some point I would like to do something, but right now I am absolutely happy being at home all day.
Right before I read this book, while talking to my husband I we ended up having a long conversation like hours long, we driving in the car, about what I want in life. (We already know what Brent wants in life, but at the same we spent time talking about what we both want in our family. All of sudden half way to LA my life became clear I figured out what I want. I don't know think I've known want I want for my future since I graduated with my undergrad. Now I know what I want, I know what I want with my family, and what I want with my own life. In extremely general terms I know I don't want to look back in 30 years and regret anything in my family life, marriage, or personal individual life, or my religious convictions, yes I think I can have it all. I need my own life, I don't want to look back and see my kids grown and my husband career closing, and realized I just lived through my kids for the past 30 years. At the same time I don't want to sacrifice a good marriage for anything else, and I don't want to see my kids grown up and think I missed it all busy with other things. I also don't want to look at one child and think, I miss this kids life busy with other kids lives.
Anyway, back to the book... this will all be very jumbled.

• In the last few days I've realized that I need to know what I want in 5 years. Or any other amount of X amount of years.
• Problem one in my life right I look around and think most people are jugding me for my life.
• "How heavily do you weigh your own happiness when making life decisions?"
• "Happiness journal-- what things throughout the day make you happy"
• "What could make you happier?"
• I've also realized I can't just sit on my butt and move every time my husband get antsy and think friends just pop in my life when it happens. I realized thats what I keep up hoping and expecting that to happen, and getting disappointed when it doesn't. I've also realized I don't have the personality to have 15 female friends, I don't really play along with drama. When drama happens, I just go back to my introverted self by myself.
• I have no problem with people being on anti depressants, but I don't want to be on them, I don't like taking medications. But I often wonder if I'll ever feel sane without them, then life clears for a while, and I realize I'm fine, at least for now, and that is all that matters.
• There is more important things than being happy 100% of the time.
• I hate when people hearing people's glowing report of their baby being born, and their opinions of the first 5 minutes. I'm sure some people feel what they say, but it drives me crazy.
• I am having a hard time comprehending what my opinion of children is in comparisons to others. (I have no earthly idea what I meant by this.)
• Brent and I live by the standard of no regrets. We try never to make a decision that we then regret. Any major decision we've made we never want to look back and regret it. We always can justisfy why we did what we did. I want to live my whole life like this. At least major decisions, we make plenty of mistakes, and have need of repentance.
• Happiness is not the end all be all. Feeling like yourself, feeling like a person, that I what I want. I can be upset, I can be angry, I can feel a whole range of emotions, but I try to feel each day to have at least one worthwhile moment at least each day.
• For a while when I was pregnant with my daughter, in the middle of dinner every night I would just start crying. Not really crying, just uncontrollable eye watering, I wouldn't even know I was crying until Brent would point it out. I told my dad that I tried not to cry in front of J, my dad pointed out its ok for my child to see me upset.
• "What is your fondest memory?" Can you really only pick one?
• "Do you think your're happier or less happy than your mother was at your age?" I have no idea I didn't know my mother when she was my age.
• I'm ok with hokey mantras "I can take care of myself AND I can rely on others"
• "Drudge and flow"
• "For meaningful points of the day you want "flow" something that makes get in sync to get "totally absorded in our task""
• "What's the best thing that happened yesterday?"
• "Write about where I want to be in 5 years, then then write about how I got there."
• "When was the last time you felt inspired?"
• "Are you happier than you were this time last year?" --honestly I can't remember, last at this time, the sun was finally out after a long winter of a newborn, we went out, we went to the park, we went to the farm, we ditched story time, we went to fun kid things with other people, we made friends finally after 6 months of living in our rental. But other than what I have pictures of I can't remember last spring, I was recovering from a newborn, how do you remember life then.
• Did you know money is an emancipator? Money is not the root of all evil. I think I have a farely decent understanding of our money, where it comes from and where it goes. Although I will admit, I am not studying up on my husband accounts that come from work related things. I really fell off the wagon during my daughters pregnancy.
• By the way have you noticed that yet? All of this, all these posts, all these books, everything that I'm doing is getting myself back to the girl I was before I got pregnant with my daughter. I love my daughter but man I need to get back to that pre-her girl. So she can actually know her mom for who she is, and her mom can enjoy her.
• "If we see our work as indentured servitude, we're sunk. If we choose to see it as a calling and imbue it with positive spiritual and psychological meaning, we're apt to find joy in it. There's no reward for being nice in oppressive circumstances, of course, but laundry isn't intrinsically oppressive. And there's something deliciously Zen in that rare moment when the laundry is all folded, you know?" (171)
• "The women who reported being the happiest were the women who had the sel-esteem, the basic resources, and the courage to question-- and often reject-- the scripts for female happiness they had been handed. Whether those scripts were Victorian, 1950s TV-traditional, or modern feminist, these women had been able to step back and consider their own desires outside the boundaries of established expectations. (173)"
• I agree wholeheartedly, you will never please everyone. You will either make to much money, or too little depending on who you talk to, you either have too many kids or not enough, you choose the wrong time to bear those children, they are too close together, or too far apart, you either work to0 much or work t0o little. You waste your time doing useless things, or I wish I had enough time to do all the things you do. You will never please anyone, your family is either too traditional, or too modern, all depending on who you talk to. Even with just talking to one person, their opinions can be contradicting. So you know, you just have to pick what is best for you it will be a mix of everything. I think everyone and every family has a mix of traditional and modern. Even in the most traditional setting.
• I often feel like most people said I got married too young, had babies too young, and I'm too dependent on my husband. Well what was right for me might not be right for you. I feel like that, until I'm talking to someone else who tells me I don't have enough kids and they are spread to far apart.
• Anyway, I now have a life plan. Life feels good, I feel at peace with what I want in life, what I can obtain in life, and what I can actually work with.

Rocking Horse Fun

This is by far one of the best toys I've ever bought at $5.

P.S. Today is my half birthday. So Happy Birthday Shannon. And happy Friday to the rest of you.

Primary

I enjoy being in Primary but sometimes I want to ring those childrens' necks. I know they are only children, but still. I also I was no sunshine in the park when I was in my later years of primary. But I do know all of my 5 and 6 year olds are in either Kindergarten or First Grade so they should be able to sit quiet, not even still, for 10 minutes. Regardless of all of this, I love the "Come Listen to a Prophet’s Voice" in the March 2010 Friend, the equivalent to the First Presidency Message for the kids. Anyone who has ever taught Primary or anyone who will ever teach primary should read it, its short. Here it is, once again hopefully the copyright police don't get made at me, I sourced it.

A Lesson in Reverence, by President Thomas S. Monson
I was a boy during the Great Depression. I remember children wearing galoshes because they had no shoes and going hungry because they had no food. These were difficult times. A bright light of hope shining amidst the gloom was Primary. I was 10 years old. I had a marvelous teacher. I look back upon that year as my finest in Primary, and I must say it was because of my wonderful teacher. It wasn’t because the boys in the class were particularly enlightened or unusually well behaved; on the contrary. The laughter of the boys and the chatter of the girls at times must have been most disconcerting to our Primary leaders. One day as we left the chapel
for our classrooms, I noted that our Primary president remained behind. I paused and observed her. She sat all alone on the front row of the benches, took out her handkerchief, and began to weep. I walked up to her and said, “Sister Georgell, don’t cry.” She said, “I’m sad.” I responded, “What’s the matter?” She said, “I can’t control the Trail Builders.* Will you help me?” Of course I answered, “Yes.” She said, “Oh, that would be wonderful, Tommy, if you would.” What I didn’t know then is that I was one of those responsible for her tears. She had effectively enlisted me to aid in achieving reverence in our Primary. And we did. ◆
*When President Monson was young, 9- to 11-year-old boys in Primary were known as Trail Builders. The girls were called Home Builders.
From “Primary Days,” Ensign, Apr. 1994, 65–68.

Its nice to know that even the prophet behaved like my primary kids do most sundays. Although after a lot of stern lectures my kids are starting to behave. We might have to do a seating chart, there is just a little too much love to share around. Yeah, I probably also made some Primary teachers want to cry, so I guess life has come full circle. But who really wants to be the Primary teacher that is crying.

Happy Spring

A Daily Newspaper

Whenever I see pictures like this,

or this,

I feel guilty.
I'm a stay at home political scientist for goodness sakes.
I canceled our newspaper subscription last year. I couldn't handle it, I could take the clutter and the crumbs. (No newspapers do not create crumbs, kids eating breakfast do.) It just created such a mess. I called up and canceled. My poor neglected children, being raised in a household without a daily newspaper.
ALL THATS CHANGED BABY!
We had a lot of frequent flier miles expire as of late, with some of those miles we now get the wall street journal.
Don't be surprised if you come to my house at 3 o'clock in the afternoon with my children pouring over the pages in the newspaper. Its still on the table because I still haven't had a chance to look at it, and the crust left over from breakfast's toast is still on the table next to the paper.
But all is ok, is it better to have a clean kitchen or babies that read the newspaper?
I agree children who can't actually read yet, that read the newspaper. They love it. Especially the maps and graphs.
As do I, it makes my heart flutter in joy, to find a newspaper on my front step. It makes my heart do a double flutter to see my children reading the newspaper, yes even the baby loves it. And to make my heart almost bust out of my chest, give me 15 minutes to read the newspaper. Better yet, let me read it cover to cover. That is one of my great joys in life, especially when the newspaper comes crumb free.
Now that we are getting a daily paper again, my daughter can get some pictures of her reading the newspaper. The poor neglected baby, she never had a chance to read it, until a few weeks ago.

My Perfect Family

I'm pretty sure my family is perfect.
Sure one of them is never home for bedtime,
Another one of them always has dirty finger nails,
The littlest one lets out a low grade whine pretty much 12 hours a day,
While I yell to much, and struggle at being happy during winter months.
But yes, I'm pretty sure when you add us all together we are perfect.
I'm pretty sure my family is perfect, I'm pretty sure dinner time with all four feels complete.
But then again talk to me when the littlest one is not so little anymore, and almost three, and I have a first grader, then I'm sure we'll be missing someone around our dinner table. I'm sure four will not be enough. But for now, it feel good to feel complete. I'm glad we are perfect, I'm glad I share my 1200 square foot apartment with them. I'm glad they all love me enough to drive me batty and between the three of them never giving me alone time. Yes, I do love them all. My perfect two and two, no matter how you slice it. Two boys, two girls, two kids, two parents. We are even, we are square, we are perfect.

Another Disclaimer

After continuing my listening to my book on tape, I realized I wanted to put a disclaimer.
I enjoy (for the most part) staying at home with my children. I feel blessed to do so, I feel blessed that my husband makes an income that allows me not to make an income. But I have absolutely no problem with anyone choosing an option other than mine. Even though I do not consider myself a feminist, I am all for women being able to provide for themselves for women having rights to choose what they want in life. (Although personally I am pro life). I think women should be able to escape an abusive relationship, I think women should have every right a man has. I am grateful for the ability I have to own bank accounts without my husband's name. But I also feel that in this choice I can choose to stay at home with my children, to give up a career at this point. Although I am extremely proud that I have a college degree, and I don't think I could feel content to stay at home with my children without being the proud owner of a piece of paper from an accredited university. But that is just me, I don't expect others to choose my life, which is why I don't want to choose theirs.
This all being said, I do not feel I was ever forced into marriage. I don't think my religion, my family, my husband's family forced me into marriage, or my society. I choose want I wanted. I whole heartedly believe you can be an upstanding citizen in society, and in my religion without marriage or children. I just realized at age 17 that I would not continue to attend my church if I came across a upstanding male church member who loved me and I chose not to marry him after he offered. This is my own personal feelings, and beliefs for what was right for me, and only me, has nothing with other or people as a whole, or as a religion. It has to do with me and me alone, well maybe my husband. I never once felt forced into marriage, if anything my family and my husband's family gave us numerous opportunities to walk away before our vows. I was even given options of out, mere hours before the ceremony. I in no way think I was forced to get married, by my religious beliefs, I choose, I always had the choose, it was always mine alone. I don't think my religion forces people to get married. Quiet prompting of my heart lead me to a man who respects me, who I chose to marry. I truly believe those quiet promptings were leading me to happiness and joy. Not to say someone has to be married to be happy. But I am a selfish person by nature. Those quiet promoting where leading me to life that would teach me to giving not taking, and I think at least for me, that is what has brought me happiness. Thank goodness my husband took a chance on a selfish needy girl because our life together is truly joyful.
(Although I don't think you need marriage to be giving. I think its what I personally needed, but not any marriage, a specific marriage, to a man exactly like my husband.) But that sounds wrong. I need is the wrong word. I don't know what the right word is, I just find my marriage fulfilling more than I could have realized in all those months of wondering why I was heading towards marriage with Brent. I was never the girl who dreamed of her future wedding, in a way I think my father but also my mother raised me so I didn't. My father did a good job of teaching his daughters they did not need men to make them worthwhile. (It really is mostly a father's job to teach a daughter how to view herself in connection to the male world. But a mother is also vitally important. My mother is an independent woman who has a successful business, but also stay at home to raise seven children. But I'm off topic. I don't know, I did not need my husband, but I did not find a husband so I would never be lonely. I did not dream of my wedding, but every day I'm eternally grateful that yes in fact, I go to bed next to Brent and in the morning wake next to him. That ours lives will always continue to intersect, but will also both be separate. I do not need my husband to have a life, but I'm glad they are joined. I guess that is what my marriage is for, a commitment that in 60 years our lives would still be intersecting, and also three months from now.

While I'm folding laundry

I'm currently listening to Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage by Elizabeth Gilbert on CD from my library. I requested it after reading a number of reviews. The title alone appealed to me. Although few believe me I was definitely a skeptic of marriage as a teenager. I was the snotty teenage girl that openly admitted in Young Womens I have no intention of getting married, and I didn't, not at 20, not at 30, never. I thought marriage was a waste of time, I had more important things to do than to waste my time getting married. I didn't even like dating, why would I want to get married. Until I was seventeen, one day when I was walking up the stairs in my parents house and turn right instead of left towards my room, and thought I should read this (The Family: Proclamation to the World). When I was a 1/3 of the way through the second column (the 7th paragraph), I had the distinct thought, "If I want to stay committed to my religious devotions I will have to get married when the opportunity arises." Right there at the top of the stairs my years of adamant refusal changed, although I didn't let anyone know that right away. In fact when I met my future husband a year and half later, I told him I didn't want to be his friend because Return Missionaries want to get married, and I had too many things to do to get married. He assured me he had no such desire, and he didn't even want to date me and a year and half after that I married him.

Anyway, back to the book:
The social scientist in me find its fascinating, Chapter 2 really got me thinking about my relationships and what I expect out of them. In our developed nation we pretty much have every physical need met, (housing, food, warmth) so much so that we are obsessed with our happiness. In the history of the world, few have expected to be happy all of the time. But we have, us, 21st American Humans, expect that. We expect our associates to fulfill these needs of happiness, friends, family, who ever else we know. Since the book is about marriage, it needlessly points out, that number one we as women expect our husband to keep us happy. I will admit I use to think that, but it only lasted a few months after my wedding date, luckily my husband never was under the assumption that he would "fix" me to be happy all the time. He has shown me there he is just here to hold my hand, as I turn my problems over to my Savior. No the book is not religious, but sorry, I am so much, I can't help but see where my life actions intersect with my religious devotion. My husband can not fix my problems, but my religious devotion can make them lift.

My complaint with the book, is she assumes everyone else was immature when they started their first marriage. I know my husband and I did not actually know what we were getting into, but yet we did spent a lot of time discussing, what marriage is and what it means. We both were skeptics of marriage, my husband and I spent probably a year before getting married discussing marriage what is, what isn't, etc. Yes, this should have been a sign of doomness if I was discussing what marriage is and isn't with a boy who swore he had no intention of marrying me. Even after we were unoffically engaged, I remember clearly walking down one of the sidewalks on campus wondering if there was any way I could stay committed to Brent, without doing the horrendous thing of getting married. After a few minutes of pondering I decided no, if I want to still be with Brent in 60 years (which I did) and wanted to stay committed to our religious devotions, we would indeed have to get married. I know a girl who is not knocked up should be giddy at the idea of getting married to her boyfriend/fiance. But I was not, I did indeed want to be with him for my entire life, and into the next one, I still do, but really marriage was the only way to secure such a future? After months of discussion and months of studying, pondering and praying I knew if I wanted to be with my husband marriage would be a good thing. But let it just be said both Brent and I were skeptics of marriage.
Gilbert spends some time writing about how most relationships start off infatuation. Although I'm sure I spent plenty of time infatuated with my husband, that is not how our relationship started. To use her analogy of doors and windows, all of sudden we found ourselves telling secrets to a friend. Places that use to be walls in our lives, were now huge picture windows for the other person to see our soul. Which is why although I'm sure people can have platonic relationships with the opposite sex, I'm a little hesitant to agree. I can easily see where a friendship quickly becomes emotionally intimate and all of sudden you very committed to someone you have never even hugged, or had any physical contact with. My husband and I clearly talk to members of the opposite sex but we are very diligent about building thick walls between us and members of the opposite sex. In the book she talks about how people often commit adultery without realizing what they are doing, because they build windows where there use to be walls, and board up doors that use to exist. Yes, its very easy to start trusting someone and telling them secrets that don't belong to them. That is how I got involved in the whole marriage business in the first place. (If you want a good religious article on this topic of emotional fidelity, read this. I assure you emotional intimacies can be quick to form, before you even realize.)
Anyway, I'm not finished with the book. I don't agree with the whole book, and if you have a problem reading the word sex you should not read the book. I don't think the book is inappropriate, but she is a person that has no problem cohabiting with someone so the book isn't G rated, although I don't think its inappropriate. Once again to impose my religious views, in her chapter on the history of marriage, I found the early Christian church's views on marriage fascinating, since I believe the early Christian church apostatized. Its amazing to me to see how far it apostatized how quickly. Marriage between a man and a woman is not always been the history of good christian souls it turns out, yes for good Hebrews, but not for Christians. Marriage in the early Christian church was not a religious ceremony but a secular one.

So Proud

If its one thing I learned from my dad, you should always clean your car before you go on a car trip. I feel like I did my dad proud today, I vacuum the car, and Armor all the car, and washed the windows. (I did nothing to the outside, I park under a tree).
Me the girl who never ever ever clean the car she drove in high school. The girl who was told repeatedly I needed to clean the car, if I wanted to drive it. I never ever ever did. I never remember cleaning it, or the car I had before my current car. But this car I've cleaned about two or three times, I feel so proud. By the way I absolutely love my car. Why? you may ask, because we own it out right.

A picture

Just kidding, I'm adding more
My daughter loves to suck her right thumb. Her dolly MUST have her paci in her mouth. I'm brought dolly repeatedly through out the day followed by the pacifier thrown in my face. I'm the official dolly plugged. Yes, we are original in our home, the dolls name is dolly. My daughter also likes to try strip dolly down to just diapers and shoes. Why should someone be bother with clothes, especially someone who does not feel coldness.
My daughter does not talk, which does not bother me in the slightest, I was a late talker, as was my son, as seems to be my daughter. She is 15 months old today. She cries "ma ma" but I don't think she has any idea that it sounds like my title. She has nodded no for three months, so her brother decided it was high time for her to learn how to nod yes, he taught her last week.
She learned how to sign "more" two days ago, and started waving bye for the first time to her dad yesterday. Like I said we are slower talkers, and I'm ok with that, who wants a walking talking under 1 year old. She also knows how to give kisses that sound like kisses. Yes, we might be slower talkers, but I teach my kids how to smack their kisses early on, my son was about the same age. She loves to play outside, and can ride bikes. She likes to pull her dress over her head and show off her panties (ie diaper cover). She loves shoes, and to wear necklaces.

Serious Problem

I know I do not have fat arms, but maybe I have fat shoulders?! Seriously am I the only who feel like her shirts are always super tight in her arm pits, and her shirts are riding up her arm pits?! What is wrong with me? Its mostly shirts from mormon clothing companies, like downeast, but not only them. Am I the only with this problem? If no one answers me I will forever think I have fat shoulders.

Fast Sunday

I wanted to post about church, but my kids do not give me much time to type on the computer. I have plenty of computer times, just not typing time.
Sunday was Fast Sunday, I really like fasting, in that same way that you can say I like tithing. Yeah, seriously would who say they like going without eating and paying extra money (fast offering)? Really? But logic and religion do not always hold hands. Religion defy logic, and logic is just left being annoying. I find logic annoying, maybe that's the reason I don't like stats. Which maybe why I'm not too concerned with fasting 24 hours. I didn't serve a mission so I've never found the need to look up such rules. My two meal fast is plenty for my religious devotion, heck I'm fine with a one meal fast, half the time.
Friday night I slept horribly, my dear husband let me sleep in on Saturday, and I only recovered after taking advil. Sunday, was to be only my second time fasting in a very long time. I made deliberate thoughts to making a healthy dinner so I would be physical able to fast, normally Saturday evenings I don't cook and just whine to my husband. I was excited to fast, since my first fast last month went off without a hitch. After the baby was in bed, the boy and I made cookies, I made deliberate thoughts to not eating the cookie dough, licking the beaters, nothing. I was fasting before I woke up, I was proud of myself. I like to think of it as not a worldly proud, more a well pleased, like "look Heavenly Father I'm trying. I think life is hard, but I'm trying, I do care." When I was going to bed I asked my husband if I could take Advil in the morning if I didn't feel well, being fast sunday and all. He said if you need to take some medicine you shouldn't be fasting. Well phewy!
I slept horribly, but not as horribly as the night before, accidentally slept in until 8:15 for 9 o'clock church, I'm a primary teacher and primary starts at 9, so I can't be late.
Almost surprisingly, I felt better at church, than I normally do. Primary is stressful. I had energy at church, to care for my kids during 3rd hour sacrament meeting. No headache in sight, the headache I had had for two days, was gone, the headache that would remain for another two days was gone. But it wasn't surprising, I want to fast, and in this case the Lord blessed me.
It was fast sunday which means, fast meeting. Hit or miss, we in the church in the US mostly get travel logs, and illness reports, or stand up comedy. Yes, that is my opinion, I think jokes told at the pulpit in church are in bad form. But our meeting was really good, there were a lot of testimonies that actually testified of Christ.
One I really liked, a guy got up, and talked about Lent, weird I know. Long story short, he and his wife gave up sugar, not because he wants to be Catholic, but because he likes the idea of sacrifice in the idea of bettering. He said he has had a lot of conversation with people about this, and many say, I wish I was Catholic, it would be easier. He has thought this about this a lot, and thought would it really? Would it be easier to face unemployment without the blessings of tithing? Would it be easier to be sick, without a Priesthood blessing? Would it easier, I honestly can't remember any others, but he listed off about another 10 blessings we have as LDS members, that make our lives easier. His testimony really spoke to me. We have so many blessings, that make our burden's light. The Lord asks a lot of us, because he gives us so much.
Another one, brought home is new healthy baby from the hospital two weeks later she became violently ill, and started having seizures along with other things for no apparent reason. She was on life support, last month the ward was asked to fast for her. He said that during that Fast Sunday, the seizures stopped, she started gaining weight. She is now home, healthy again, but he said, he knows if it wasn't for all the fasts, she would still be in the hospital sick.
Another woman got up, and well said a lot, but the point is, its nice to know other people have struggles that bring them closer to God. She and I actually talked about testimony meeting, at Relief Society last night, and it was nice to know someone else has had a very long winter. Its nice to be a mother next to father that holds the Priesthood.
This is plenty long, so I'm ending it without anything special.

I love my husband

A miracle happened tonight-- well many. I finally cleaned the house after a week of it getting more and more trashed. (All that's left is to vacuum first thing tomorrow, before the kids get toys out). I would see it get worse and worse, messier and messier, but I just couldn't do it while my kids were awake, and I couldn't do it while they were asleep, finally I had a chance to sew or watch what I want to watch. But tonight, tonight was different. Tonight my husband was home, we cooked dinner together, we watched an hour of tv together, he is currently putting our eldest child to bed. Finally my paralysis was over. I was able to clean up my kids messes. I even threw away some happy meal toys that have long been forgotten about, its been four months since I've been able to throw away a forgotten toy. Its amazing what a little attention can do for my psyche. Maybe I can finally start decluttering, so we can start fitting into our apartment again. Lately I've had issues, I know we don't fit, but I emotionally can't bare to get rid of ANYTHING, I mean anything. Normally I'm fairly decent at dejunking. Not only have I not been able to get rid of stuff, I've been buying MORE stuff. Its been awful, I need to watch Confessions of a Shopaholic again, to remind myself, stuff will not fill voids in my life. Oh but tonight was different, tonight we were a two parent, two adult house, I wasn't out numbered. I was blessed.
I love this man. I'm so grateful for the amount of time we get to spend with him.

I just wish it was more...

Wahoo New Baby

One of my eleven sister in laws had a baby, which is wahoo exciting! A new nephew/cousin I was so excited to see, my husband suggest a trip down to see him, instead of waiting for the next time we HAD to go down. I was so excited my son even wanted to see him. (We left little sister at her grandma's.) He was adorable. I never wanted to give him back, well unless he started crying.

Now one may wonder why I was so excited. Normally I don't make special trips to see new babies. The only thing I can think of is because I won't be having another baby for at least another two-three years. I can barely handle my two right now, I need the MBA to be finished before any planned additions. But I'm in the thick of things, I've been a mom now for 5 years, and there doesn't seem to be any let up for another 2 decades. (No I don't plan on having babies for 25 years, but I'll have kids in my house for at least that long.) My life with children is chaotic, and I've accepted where I am for the next few decades. So I guess I'm finally at my life I want to hold the new baby, and that I think pregnant women are cute. I'm doomed. None the less, look how cute he is...

That and maybe he took me on a trip down memory lane. He is a February baby boy, first child born to college students, a wee short 14 months after the wedding. Yeah, sounds exactly like my first born, they even share the same last name, and paternal grandma and grandpa. Just four years apart. Sure it was fun to be poor college students with our baby, and to go down a trip on memory lane but when we got in our car and drove away, I was ready to return to my reality. Even if it includes being married to MBA student. Yeah, one day I'm sure I'll look back to now with fondness, but right now not so much. He was so cute though. So teeny! So cute.

By the way, I'm very proud of the fact that I'm about to have a dozen sister in laws. People have a lot of things in a dozen, like donuts, but who can brag of having a dozen sister in laws. I feel like its a great accomplishment, even if I had nothing to do with it. How many people do you know that have an even dozen of sister in laws? Name them come on.

Choir

I joined ward choir, its the first time I've sung in choir since High School. Most of the time, I would rather go home with my family, but the pianist asked me flat out and I can't say no to church things like this. I know many would say no to such an ofter, in fact lots have told me this in my ward, and I wish they would stop telling me. But I've raise my hand to sustain people in church, so I feel obligated to do all I can to help those in their callings, and since I'm a subpar singer I guess I qualify. I never imagined I'd sing in a ward choir that fills the choir seats, I always figured I would join in a small ward outside of the motherland who needed voices, but here I am.
One of the songs we are practicing is This is the Christ, I really like this song, and its a shame I'll be out of town when they sing it. Although since I only am able to sing about half of it because I find it so touching, they won't be missing anything. Its been a good reminder for me as I'm trying to be a calmer person, just what I exactly believe. Here are the lyrics, I hope the copyright police don't get me, I don't think President Faust could have done a better job of writing them, they are excellent.

It pierced them through and made their souls to quake;

They saw Him come, a man in white,

The Savior who had suffered for their sake.

They felt the woulds in hands and side,

And each could testify; This is the Christ;

This is the Christ, the holy Son of God,

Our Savior, Lord, Redeemer of mankind.

This is the Christ, the healer of our souls

Who ransomed us with love divine.

I read His words, the words He prayed

While bearing sorrow in Gethsemane;

I feel His love, the price He paid.

How many drops of blood were spilled for me?

With saints of old in joyful cry

I too can testify; This is the Christ;

This is the Christ, the holy Son of God,

Our Savior, Lord, Redeemer of mankind.

This is the Christ, the healer of our souls

Who ransomed us with love divine.

text by James E. Faust, music by Michael F. Moody

What's for Lunch?

Last Friday my husband was working from home. When three extra children showed up at my house, I went in and distracted my husband. I complained they were over taking the house, and that it was lunch time. I didn't want to feed them. He said you remember what they said in conference don't you? I fibbed I said I didn't have any idea what he was talking about. He was referring to talk a couple years back, given by some general authority about how you should make your home a place that your children and their friends want to hang out, even if that means feeding them. I have no idea the reference but I remember the talk. I told my husband I didn't know what he was talking about and I didn't need to feed friends. Five minutes later all four children ran outside to play. Ten minutes after that, my neighbor called me on the phone asking how many chicken nuggets my son wanted for lunch? He was cooking some for this two kids so he figured my son might as well eat up too. My son ate three dinosaur chicken nuggets for lunch, one more then I ordered, while I ate a huge piece of humble pie for lunch, that and left over Hawaiian haystacks.

Spring Day at the Temple

Normally we are quite religious about having family home evening. Lately my husband has had study group on Monday nights. He usually forgets to tell me or I forget to listen, and forget to move FHE to Sunday night. Two weeks ago, I forgot, but luckily my son asked to go to "my temple, the one with cookies" I explained there would be no cookies, don't think he believed me, so I brought oreos for the car ride home. We left our house on an early spring day, with light jackets. The sun was setting on a fairly warm for February day. When we made it to "my temple" it was dark, stormy and snowing. None the less, we walked around, my husband snapped, and we froze. We love the temple.