Nattie

Copy Cat

My two and half year old pretty much copies anything he hears so even when he loves whats for dinner, he still cries and says, "that's disgusting, I not like dinner."
Today while I was changing his little brother, he looked over at us and said, "I just love that baby so much. He is the best baby."
He says awesome thing all the time, like a few days ago while he was eating breakfast I came down stairs for a second before I brought the baby down. He asked me, "You not bring my baby? I need my baby? Go get my baby."


Also today while we were out we stop by the store and on the way out of the store I accidentally step on his shoe and it fell off. He handed it to me, and since I was holding his little brother and it was a dry day I thought he could walk the 20 feet to the car without a shoe. So I held his hand and kept walking, he hopped on one foot all the way to the car. It was stinking hilarious!

Personal Ministry

About 8 years ago I was listening to my brother talk to my mom about General Conference. I started to get confused, I said you don't ask specific questions do you? He said yes I do. I said no, how could you get answers to questions specific about just you during General Conference? He said, I went to conference and expected to get the answer to What I should do in my (his name)'s personal ministry?

I always think about that before conference but I don't always have extremely specific personally questions before conference so I don't always put it into practice.

Well last summer was probably my hardest in my life. So as conference rolled around, I thought I have the very specific thing I NEEDED to know. I was going to seriously put my brother's practice to the test instead of half heartily think about questions.

I sat through so many sessions of conference and nothing. Really great talks, that taught me important things, but I did not get the answer to my one question. Just one question that I had. Then Sunday afternoon rolled around, I thought now or never. 
Two talks went by... 
Then finally as I sat there hand sewing a Halloween costume, 

Elder Carlos Godoy started his talk, The Lord Has a Plan for Us! 
It was the answer I was looking for. And then as an extra added piece of humor, Elder Hugo Martinez got up and gave, Our Personal Ministries. Say what? That is the question my brother asked seven and half years ago, what should he do in his personal ministry.

I feel like I have more study to do on the this concept of a personal ministry.
Elder Martinez said,

Our prayers were answered by their personal ministries. The faces of those three brethren reflected the love that Jesus Christ has for us, and their service—in other words, their personal ministry—brought much more than drinking water into our lives. To every son or daughter of God, knowing that people are interested in and watching out for his or her welfare is essential.
I testify to you that Heavenly Father and our Lord, Jesus Christ, know us individually and personally. For that reason, They provide what we need so we will have the opportunity to reach our divine potential. Along the road, They place people who will help us. Then, as we become instruments in Their hands, we are able to serve and help those They show to us by revelation.
In this way, the Lord Jesus Christ will reach all of Heavenly Father’s children. The Good Shepherd will gather all His sheep. He will do so one by one as they make good use of their moral agency—after hearing the voice of His servants and receiving their ministrations. Then they will recognize His voice, and they will follow Him. Such personal ministry is integral to keeping our baptismal covenants.
Likewise, being a good example of a disciple of Jesus Christ is our best letter of introduction to those with whom we can share His gospel. As we open our mouths and share the restored gospel of Jesus Christ, we become “His undershepherds, charged with nourishing the sheep of His pasture and the lambs of His fold”; we become “the weak and the simple” “fishers of men.”
[..] We have the special opportunity to be instruments in His hands. We can be so in our marriages, in our families, with our friends, and with our fellowman. That is our personal ministry as true disciples of Jesus Christ.

Spain

Have I mentioned Spain on here?
I honestly can't remember what posts I write, and what I only write in my head, and what I posts I never even pretend to write.

We would like to spend a year abroad with my husband working in Spain. His co-worker who works in Spain would come work here. We have been planning it for more than a year. His boss approved it back in January, and sent it to HR. If I pieced things together, they are ignored it until April because they have more pressing matters. Once they start working on it, it will take usually 8-10 months to get a work Visa. Not only that, it could be longer because we need two sets because it only works when Brent is trading places. We have mentioned it to people we know that we are hoping to go to Spain. Which means people keep asking me progress. I know they are well meaning but its starting to grate on me, I've given up hope, because I'm so sick of trying to explain to people that working Visas take 9 months. People have no concept of what I'm talking about. We only know people that work abroad for the military or who have been to Mexico on vacation. Military visas are completely different as is vacation in Mexico.

Sunday Quotes

General Conference is only a few weeks away and I'm so not prepared. But in effort to catch up here is a Sunday thought from President Utchdorf, in his talk Living the Gospel Joyfully, during the General Women's Session.

"...those who see attendance at Church meetings as a personal way to increase their love of God, find peace, uplift others, seek the Spirit, and renew their commitment to follow Jesus Christ will find a far richer experience than those who simply put in their time sitting in a pew."

"Walking in the path of discipleship does not need to be a bitter experience. It “is sweet above all that is sweet.” It is not a burden that weighs us down. Discipleship lifts our spirits and lightens our hearts. It inspires us with faith, hope, and charity. It fills our spirits with light in times of darkness, and serenity during times of sorrow.
It gives us divine power and lasting joy."

"He [God] loves you today with a full understanding of your struggles. He is aware that you reach up to Him in heartfelt and hopeful prayer. He knows of the times you have held onto the fading light and believed—even in the midst of growing darkness. He knows of your sufferings. He knows of your remorse for the times you have fallen short or failed. And still He loves you."

Let me assure you I know this last quote to be true in my life. After months of postpartum depression that put my brain in the depths of hell, I know President Utchdorf is speaking truth.

Cake Bossin' it at our House

 For the Blue and Gold Cub Scout Banquet this year my husband decided to go cake boss style. He BUILT a stand for it.

They baked the cakes in old cleaned soup cans.

Then they stacked it up.

 Covered it frosting.

 And then ended up with a Lighthouse cake! My husband is such a fun scout dad.

My son also led the color guard. I was very impressed. I'm shocked and amazed at the amount of growth my son has made in the last year. I don't want to get into it all here, but I honestly can't believe the progress and he is definitely thriving in the cub scouts. 

If you click on the post and scroll down, you'll see their cake from last year. Their chess cake.
Speaking of chess, he placed in the district chess tournament again. Last year in second grade he got third place, This year in third grade he got second place.

Sometimes its rough to follow in your older brother's foot steps. She dreams of getting a trophy, yet she is nothing like her brother.

Winter Reading Program

Our local library has an adult reading program in the winter. 8 books in 8 weeks. Last year I read 8 books in 4 weeks before the baby came so the baby wouldn't bog me down. As the year progress the baby really did bog me down, but no time like the present to get back into gear.
I started the program late because I was worried I would fail.

The Happiness Project: Or Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning, Clean My Closets, Fight Right, Read Aristotle, and Generally Have More Fun by Gretchen Rubin
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

I wanted to enjoy this book more than I did. I'm not quite sure what my complaint about it was. In a way I thought it was too wordy, which is thick coming from me. Sometimes I wondered if I didn't like it because her personality seemed to have too much in common with me. I probably would have quit half way through if it wasn't for reading it for the library reading program. I wanted to prove to myself I could read something that wasn't overly entertaining. I didn't like the way she quoted/referenced things. At the same time the book definitely made me think about my actions. I definitely considered what my passions in life where. How I sound to strangers and my children. Am I more concerned with talking myself or listening? It was very thought provoking. I am an obsessive goal setter and always trying to improve different aspects of life, and over analysis my actions. I would probably recommend it to a friend, but with caveats. I'm a little hesitant to write this review because in the end of the book she talks about how for whatever reason our culture views negative reviews as more profound than positive. Lastly, I couldn't stand reading about her marriage. They both seemed selfish and it bothered me to constantly read about it.

Swindle by Gordon Korman
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

This was a fun book about a bunch of 6 graders, but I'd hardly say I loved it. My 9 year old very much enjoyed reading it and is now continuing in the series. I love heist stories so I was hoping I would enjoy more than I did. I might read more books in the series to bond with my 9 year old. But then again, I might not make time. Definitely a kid a book.

Don't Judge a Girl by Her Cover by Ally Carter
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I really enjoyed this book. It was definitely fast and an easy read. I found the book surprisingly unpredictable. This book is the best one in the series so far. I guess since Cammie is getting older and the plot and storyline is becoming more complex.

Persuasion by Jane Austen
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I reread this book for book group. I love this story. I think 6 years later I had a different perspective, since the first time I read it I was in my early twenties. Almost the same gap between the beginning of Anne and Wentworth's love story and most of the book. I love that they are still in love with each other almost a decade later. I love Jane Austen's works, and this one is one of my favorites. I was a little shocked, the ladies at book group said the movies were better the books, because she was such a wordy author. Emma is definitely a wordy book, but other than that I don't Austen was wordy, just a different time period. I guess everyone is entitled to their own opinions but it definitely a ignorant sounding opinion.

Cross My Heart and Hope to Spy by Ally Carter
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

I can't tell if I liked this book better or the first. I thought it was better written but I enjoyed the plot of the first better. I felt like the ending of this one was much more abrupt then the last. I guess I hope that one day we come back to Zach because Carter left us hanging. Her mom is starting to get on my nerves, is that suppose to happen? I guess Carter is getting in my mind to think like a 15 year old.

The Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

When I was in Middle School I liked this book better than Huck Finn, but rereading this time was different. Probably the difference of being an adult and a child. The beginning of the book it said, Huck Finn is a Great American story, while Tom Sawyer was the Great American Children's story. I kind of felt like too much time had past for me to love this book anymore. At the same time this book made me pity modern children, they miss so much with the screens, video games, and code of conduct for not allowing children to be alone/free.

I'd Tell You I Love You, But Then I'd Have to Kill You by Ally Carter

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

My biggest complaint with this book is in the plot the main character Cammie says their uniform skirt is down to their knees, but the picture on the cover is a girl in a mini skirt. This was a cute book, but not overally amazing. It is very clean and would be great for a 12 year old or so to read, but I honestly was surprised it was in the teenfic part of the library because it was so simple. (I'm not sure simple is the right word.) It was cute though. I'll pick up book 2 from the library. 

Waistcoats & Weaponry by Gail Carriger
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I loved this book. The first in the series I was luke warm about but this I loved, when I finished I wanted to start all over again. The series isn't finished but it seems to be starting the Disney fairytale ending, I sure hope at least, because lets being honest Carriger is writing Soap to be so dreamy. I honestly don't follow all the sci-fi nuances in the book, but the espionage part of the plot is enough I can ignore some of the sci-fi knowledge I'm lacking. I'm also enjoying the development of Sophronia and Dimity's best-friendship. I wished there was more explanation on Soap's arrival

I did not read this book for the reading program. I read it last summer.
The One by Kiera Cass
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

I know I read this book, but I don't have a review. I can remember the ending. I can remember all the plot being a little anti-climatic. A little too dramatic for nothing happening. A little too teen fiction. A good teen fiction in this 30 year old's opinion is one that makes being a teen sound fun and relate-able. Not a one that reminds you how stupid teenagers can be. Now that I think about it, that was part of my complain with The Match series. I don't want to listen to whiny teens, I would rather read/re-experience that feeling of the whole world is waiting, and I can do anything I want. Now at 30 I know I won't do anything, because there is a whole lot I don't like to do. But at 17 you think you can, America did not capture that. She instead captured the "but I like so and so why did you talk to him? He is mine. Blah Blah Blah," annoying teen age girl drama. But I did feel heavily invested in the plot after the first two books. I did enjoy the first two.


View all my reviews

Driven or Lost

Looking back I would say I was a driven child. I have no idea what my parent's perspective was, but I seem to remember always having a career path/goal.

My earliest memory of a career was when I was 4 or 5ish and my father retired from the Air Force. I remember being at what I assume was a retirement party and seeing a lady in her Air Force uniform and thinking nothing was more glamorous then this woman in her dress blues. Looking back I still think really? small children can be weird. But it is true I remember being fascinated.

I also remember for years playing house, and being a working mom with twins. I remember still doing this when I was probably far to old to still be playing house.

In middle school I was determined to go into psychology. I did countless projects for school on psychology or on famous psychologists. At some point in high school I gave up psychology for the dream of law. The main reason I thought I was studying PolSci was because I wanted to go to Law School, looking back I realize I was always more fascinated with politics then law. (I now thank my stars I didn't go to Law School, although I often wish I was doing something more with my polsci degree.)

As a teenager I babysat a LOT, often 2-3 times a week. I assume I was a good babysitter because I was sought after, I was paid well, and often had the opportunity to turn down jobs since I was so busy, All this being said, I kind of hated the job, I remember thinking, I never want to get married, because the last thing I want is children. Why anyone would want to be a mom and do this every day is beyond me.

But then I grew up, and apparently for Brent I was ready to become a mom. If I think about it, I think I gave up a lot to become a mom, but I'm ok with that. It was my decision. It was also my decision, to be a stay at home mom and to not work full time, part time or somewhere in between. Never once did I feel my husband push me to be where I am. He appreciates the luxury of a solely stay at home spouse but he would be glad for another pay check if I choose that instead.

In fact one of the reasons I choose to have a third kid, is I did not feel ready to move on to a new stage of life. I've always assumed once my children were in school I would do something, whether get a job or get more schooling. Not to mention I have ALWAYS known I would get another degree or two...  I was not ready to move on to that spot in life. So I convinced my husband we wanted another child. He was quite reluctant to have a third, and yet now we have four! I was not ready to have a career even though I spent my ENTIRE childhood dreaming of such things. One of the reasons is because I no longer knew what I wanted to do.

For at least four years I have been ignoring my future because I had absolutely no idea what I wanted to do anymore. I was always a girl with a plan. Before I even stepped into college as a freshman I had a VERY strict 7 year plan. Which all went out the window when I decided to marry Brent. But never because he asked me to, only because I choose to throw it all out of the window. One of the reasons I was reluctant to date Brent was he didn't seem to have much of a plan. Ironically enough he is now the one with the plans, and I float along saying lets just enjoy this stage. We have totally flipped sides.

Fast forward to current time.
A few weeks ago we were at a free two hour marriage seminar at church and the first hour I kept thinking yup, yup, yup. Then she said, once your needs are met on that these levels, you have your hopes and dreams, things you want to do, things you want to accomplished. Right then, I wanted to start crying. I had no idea what my dreams were anymore, and I was ignoring this from my life. I gave them up years ago to be a mom. I know I could have done both but I hate multi-tasking. I didn't want to miss something when they were little so I choose not to pursue my old dreams. Then therapist said, the interesting thing is the more productive a person is, the less they set dreams. Ok, at least maybe that meant I was productive. She then talked about how when people lose their dreams that is when they just up and walk out after 15 years because they have completely lost all their self-identity.

A day later, I had a huge melt down about an inconsequential piece of medical paperwork. Probably the biggest one I've had in years. My kids were playing in a different part of the house and Brent looked at me like I was a stranger. He calmly asked what was wrong with me. I literally didn't know. As the days past I realized it was the stress of 4 or so years, trying to ignore that I had no idea my dreams were. Which is sort of a big deal for me because I always had plans when I was a kid.
Brent and I have since talked about it, in much more rational terms. They are still very hazy but at least there is something in the distance that are my dreams.
I've realized travel isn't just Brent dream/goal, that was one of the reasons we had common ground when we were friends.

I'm not sure I'll ever get a paying career. Ten years later, I'm not sure that's actually what I want, because when I decided to be a mom, I decided I cared more about being a mom more than a job that is easily forgotten. I'm an all or nothing girl. The world is my oyster in about 5 years. Its kind of scary. Not quite as thrilling as dreaming of college while in high school.

I do know a few things I don't want to do:

1. Go to law school
2. Be PTA president
3. Go into Nursing
4. Go into cosmetology, even though I cut all my boys' hair, I hate doing it. I only do it for thriftiness. I don't really enjoy doing my hair, I don't enjoy doing makeup, etc etc
5. Elementary Para-educator
6. Run an etsy shop

I think those are great careers and know multiple great women in those careers and often thought of that is a great job you have, but it turns out I never want to do them. I guess PTA president isn't a career, I use to think I wanted to be involved turns out I don't. I don't have any interest in throwing fundraisers or school parties. I hate doing everything they try to get me involved it. Turns out what I always knew, I don't like working with small children

My babies

Even though last year was pretty much one of my hardest years ever, I often think if I could just keep my kids the age they currently are, I would be happy as happy forever.

But then when I look at old picture, I miss my big kids when they were little. Kindergarten and two are pretty much two of my favorite ages ever. I miss these two kids, they grew up from 5 to 9, and 2 to 6.

I currently have a kindergarten and a two year again. But never again will I have those two ages together. It kind of makes me sad.

Although I guess that wouldn't be very fair to never let them grow up.

(Bizarrely enough, when Nat was 2 I thought she was so big. Now with Turbo at two I think he is still so little.)