Reading

I stopped reading some time this summer. I'm not sure if I can ever start again. It's so much easier and brain numbing to watch Netflix.

Book group started up again, I'm thankfully no longer in charge. But I attended and have the book starring at me, tauting me to stay illiterate for the rest of my life.

Like Rolls

A few years ago I was in an informal class about how to bake rolls. The teacher told us you need to place the rolls together "so they can grow up together". I thought this was humorous, but I doubt anyone else did, because there was no laughing. The idea that rolls grow up together, like people. I know what she was talking about, if the rolls aren't close they will just expand out instead of raise and get fluffy. But I still laugh about the rolls growing up together.
I am terrible at baking bread and normally only my husband bakes yeast things except at thanksgiving when I make homemade white crescent rolls. But I often tell my husband make sure the rolls are close together so they can grow up together. A few Sundays ago I said so they can grow up together just like children. He looked at me skeptically.  So I said children and rolls are the same they turn out better when they grow up together.
Maybe that is the reason I have 6 people in my house and only three bedrooms. I tell myself that when no matter what baby is my daughter's roommate she wakes them up after they go to bed. Its only a mild consolation prize. The only thing worse than her waking up a baby every night is the idea of showing a house with four young children. I can barely get the dishes done with a clingy two year old and a clingy 8 month old.

Boys

For many years I always thought I would have a son and two daughters. Instead I have three sons and one daughter. Never for the life of me did I ever think I would have three sons. Serious never, never as a child, a young adult, an adult, never ever did I think I would have three sons. 

I found out number 4 was a boy at 13 weeks. I didn't even know I had an ultrasound scheduled, it was clearly a boy before the technician told me. You know I already had two. I left the doctor's office and then stopped by my husband's work on the way home. I told him and showed him the ultrasound, then I kissed him good bye and drove off. I cried driving home, three boys?! 

It took me a while to come around to life, but now any time I spend time with my two baby boys, which is every day, I thank my lucky stars I have three boys. Three boys is wonderful. I have five brothers so I feel more comfortable around little boys than little girls. Three boys is really quite swell. Occasionally I morn that I'm not buying toddler girl clothes anymore, but mostly I've accepted it. I would much rather read books about trucks and diggers, play trains and make car noises than buy toddler girl clothes. 

A few weeks ago I met a mom in kindergarten who has three sons and no girls. She said well now you can give Nan a really big wedding. I tried to hide my skeptical expression, that is her number one complain about not having a daughter no wedding to plan? In fact I had thought about it before she mentioned it, I often thank my lucky stars I only have one wedding. I was thinking how hopefully Nan cares about her wedding, since I didn't care much about mine, who would plan it if neither of us care. 

Sometimes I wish I dressed my boys 18 months apart in matching clothes. I think it would be adorable, except I don't buy baby clothes. Thankfully almost all our clothes are handme down from some previously well dressed boys. By the time I have to buy them clothes it won't be adorable to be matching... 

Did I ever mention on my blog that my grandma passed away? It was back in the end of May.
I just thought I should post this picture on my blog for memorial sake.
It was nice to see family, siblings, cousins, etc

Blogging

Have you seen this article? Science Shows Writers Have a Serious Advantage Over the Rest of Us

No matter the quality of your prose, the act of writing itself leads to strong physical and mental health benefits, like long-term improvements in mood, stress levels and depressive symptoms. In a 2005 study on the emotional and physical health benefits of expressive writing, researchers found that just 15 to 20 minutes of writing three to five times over the course of the four-month study was enough to make a difference. 

You don't have to be a serious novelist or constantly reflecting on your life's most traumatic moments to get these great benefits. Even blogging or journaling is enough to see results. One study found that blogging might trigger dopamine release, similar to the effect from running or listening to music. 

I found all this interesting because I started blogging again when I was depressed. I think I've mentioned this but blogging seems so 2007. Unless people are making money at it no one blogs anymore, because facebook is easier and we are all lazy.

Guilt

I'm pretty sure the whole world is obsessed with newborns. The younger the better everyone says, the smaller the better. The ohs and ahs, the look how tiny they are, can I see them? And I'm silent.
Then Brent and I are over here counting the seconds until they're skin stops flaking off, until they stop being floppy and start holding the head up, stop looking like a swished newborn.
Everyone is oh and ah-ing, while Brent and I are over here in the background growling at the toddler that everyone has forgotten about hoping the toddler will laugh at us.
The best part of not being a newborn person is I married a not a newborn person.
It almost makes me feel guilty I'm not a newborn person until I hang out with my best friend.

Restless

I've always thought of my husband as the restless soul in the marriage, not me.  Then we lived somewhere for 3 and half years.  Holy moly, its weird. The longest we ever lived anywhere before this was 20 months. Turns out its not "restless and not restless", its restless and the girl that can keep up with him. The real kicker for me was when my Relief Society President said we need you in the presidency because you have been in the ward so long and can tell us things we don't know. I thought what? I'm an oldtimer just because I lived here for three years!

It reminds of when my grandma told me Brent and I should have wings because we are always going somewhere.

Even though we are both restless we aren't moving, Brent likes his job, he has a 12 minute commute, and our kids are a great school.

30

My thirtieth birthday is coming up. Every so often I have a melt down thinking about it. It's my third of a life crisis.  It actually has nothing to do with being thirty, it has everything to do with the epiphany I had this summer that we are no longer that cute young couple with a one or two young kids/babies. We are now the married for 10 year couple with more then double the kids. We look like a tornado of a mess, a tornado of noise, unbrushed hair, and untied shoes.  When? when did it happened that I grew out of being the cute young couple with a baby or two? Is it because of my thirtieth birthday? (Obviously not, but my brain is pretty irrational these days.)

No sign of it.

The other day on Pinterest I saw this. It was awesome, I completely agree.

Except I'm going stray from this sentiment, and say I think my husband is super awesome. Facebook is to share your life with the world, my blog is for my own personal record of life.

Since my blog is for me I wanted to write some of my thoughts of current life. I met my husband 11 years ago last month. I honestly wouldn't believe it could have been 11 years ago, if it was for the four children we have running around. I get sad when he leaves in the morning, I miss him while he is gone, he is my favorite person to spend time with. I know I need to leave from time to time to get a break from my children, but it is hard because I want to spend time with him and leave my children to Lord of The Flies in the basement. (Yes, I know this is where babysitters come in.)
You know how they say its easy to have a bad marriage, and hard to have a good one. I totally understand the quote, but at the point in my marriage it isn't hard to have a good one, we are both committed so after the past 9 and half years its not hard. We ignore ALL the small stuff and enjoy it all. Sure we still offend each other from time to time, but we suck up our pride and move on. We've done it so much its not hard anymore. Putting each other first is like breathing at this point, we honestly don't really even think about it we just do it. The other day I was feeling concerned about something, I didn't really want to bring it up, but I knew it would fester if I didn't. It offended him, I'm sorry it did, but I needed to say it. There are plenty of nit picky things that don't need to be said, that he doesn't say and I don't say. The key to a good marriage is being like a duck and letting it just roll off your back. This was different, I needed validation on a really serious issue. I knew it was a hard topic, and didn't really want to talk about it because of that, but I brought it up because I needed to share a piece of my heart. Like I said it offended him, we dropped the conversation, he brought it up later, we discussed how we both felt. I apologized for bring up a hard topic, he apologized for the actions that had happened that had offended me so deeply. He didn't mean to do anything wrong at all, didn't even realize it was happening. If I didn't have an amazing marriage I wouldn't have had the strength to discuss such a personal matter with him. If I didn't have an amazing husband I wouldn't have trusted him enough to tell him. But I do, so I did, and we were a lot closer afterward. We are on our 9th year of marriage, its been a really good year of marriage, its been a really hard year for our family and for life, but a good year of marriage. I think its because we done a lot of things in the past few years to increase our trust in one another. I think one of the hardest things you can do is make yourself vulnerable to your spouse, because that gives them power in shutting you down. I appreciate that my husband has spent the effort to make our marriage a safe place. I adore my husband and wish I could spend every minute with him.

A realization

In my seven short months of mothering four kids I've come to a realization.
I adore my children one and one. I do enjoy every moment.
When more than two of them are around, I don't think I should be involved. They should be in the basement playing, or in the backyard. If all four are around, my husband should be around for backup, to be the fun one.
I prefer my children one on one, any more and that is why they have siblings- to play with each other.

Not Dinner

At some point in my journey as a mother, I got in my head the most important thing I can do for my family is feed them dinner. That was too much for me this summer. When I was particularly struggling even before my husband even realized he said, we can eat cold cereal for dinner. Really we can? There were a few weeks we only ate breakfast for dinner, cold cereal or quesadillas. Honestly I'm not even sure what I ate because I don't like cold cereal. There is a chance nothing since that is one of the byproducts of depression.
Around the same time someone, I can't remember who or when shared a thought from Sister Reeves talk last spring.

Some of you have heard me tell how overwhelmed my husband, Mel, and I felt as the parents of four young children. As we faced the challenges of parenting and keeping up with the demands of life, we were desperate for help. We prayed and pleaded to know what to do. The answer that came was clear: “It is OK if the house is a mess and the children are still in their pajamas and some responsibilities are left undone. The only things that really need to be accomplished in the home are daily scripture study and prayer and weekly family home evening.”

 Ok, so it was only the last sentence shared but seriously at that point in my life, my mind was blown. The most important thing isn't dinner its daily scripture study and prayer and weekly family home evening. I could do that, my house was getting messier and messier, my babies were spending all day in the jammies already, but I could accomplish one thing each day, family prayer. As the summer passed we improved scripture study. That thought stuck in my head, but funny I couldn't remember the talk or where I heard the talk. But thenpinterest came through. Thanks to Em and Me.

Let it be said, you replace the husband name, and that quote sums up the last 7 months of my life. Side note, we've rarely spent Saturdays having family fun since we moved here three and half years ago. I didn't want to buy a house because I knew it would keep us and our money busy, but it was the right thing to do. As the summer progressed we have been doing lots of fun saturday activities, we don't stay home and clean, or yard work, or diy projects we go out and bike ride, or hike, or swim or something else. Its been wonderful, turns out cleaning isn't that important.