Different Personalities

I'm in the process of listening to conference one last time before conference again.  I think this makes three, including live four.  An interesting thing has happened, talks that once annoyed me have now become meaningful, talks that once sounded like gibberish of stories, now make gospel sense. So this last time I around, I was listening, and went through a few talks at once, while driving kids around.  As the days passed, I kept thinking this one though over and over.  So I went back and scanned through the last 6 or so talks.  I found this, from President Utchdorf's talk during Priesthood titled, "Four Titles".

But while the Atonement is meant to help us all become more like Christ, it is not meant to make us all the same. Sometimes we confuse differences in personality with sin. We can even make the mistake of thinking that because someone is different from us, it must mean they are not pleasing to God. This line of thinking leads some to believe that the Church wants to create every member from a single mold—that each one should look, feel, think, and behave like every other. This would contradict the genius of God, who created every man different from his brother, every son different from his father. Even identical twins are not identical in their personalities and spiritual identities.
It also contradicts the intent and purpose of the Church of Jesus Christ, which acknowledges and protects the moral agency—with all its far-reaching consequences—of each and every one of God’s children. As disciples of Jesus Christ, we are united in our testimony of the restored gospel and our commitment to keep God’s commandments. But we are diverse in our cultural, social, and political preferences.
The Church thrives when we take advantage of this diversity and encourage each other to develop and use our talents to lift and strengthen our fellow disciples.

 I love this quote so much, there is so much to say about, but I think I will leave well enough alone.  We are meant to be different.  We can be righteous and still be different.

Song

You know when you find a song that you are obsessed with and you are willing to listen to it over and over again.  For me right now, its this song. K'naan 70 Excuses, its so soothing, perfect rainy day song, which we've had lots of lately, thankfully.
 
Especially as I've been reminiscing about 10 years ago.  In high school I was pretty sure I could have done anything I chose, and I'm sure that's true.  And, even though I still have most of my life ahead of me, many things are narrowing, as I've spent the last 6 years as a stay at home mom, I'm not going to law school, I'm not going to be come a doctor (not that I ever wanted to). I'm never going to live in a big city.  Etc etc Sure there are plenty of stuff I could do if I wanted, but the period of my life where it might have appealed to me, has passed.  I have absolutely no interest in moving to DC and being poor with my husband, where 7 years ago I could see an appeal. My life is exactly what I've chosen, excuses are excuses, and you live the life you lead. Although my life is a little different than his song. He is singing about a lady who didn't choose love, at this point in my life, I'm pretty sure that is all I choosen.  Which isn't exactly true, but I do remember making the decision, am I going to choose Brent and love and give up on my dreams, or am I going to walk away from him and keep my plans.  I decided I would regret leaving him a lot more than giving up on my dreams.  I don't regret my decision at all.  Anyway, like I said, I'm just a tad obsessed with this song right now.  I also love the African drums in the end. K'naan is very talented.  (My family has been listening to him since the World Cup in 2010.)

Third Boy

I'm 21 weeks pregnant.  Only 19 more to woot! Maybe even less if my doctor induces me early again.  (I use to be against such things, until I saw how my body labors, by far my easiest child to birth was the one that was induced early.  That might be one of the reasons we are having babies 18 months apart.) 

I had another ultrasound.  The ultrasound technician told me by baby is beautiful, and its more than skin deep, his organs are just as beautiful.  Yes, I'm having my third boy.  Which is wonderful, I love my boys.  I just want to squeeze them and keep them little forever.  Then again, President Hinckley said, "that when a man gets old he had better have daughters about him." I'll never be an old man but I'm also grateful for my daughter. But I appreciate the blessing of having more boys than girls, girls baffle me. My daughter is such a firecracker one of her equals three brothers.

Back to the baby, the tech asked how big my babies were, she guessed he was going to be on the large size again.  Oh, baby A at 9 pounds was so big.  This baby has long arms, and very wiggly like our others.  The more babies I have, the more ultrasounds I have, and the more I have, the more it bewilders me that I can grow a human being in my abdomen. I mean there is another heart beating inside of me, and to see a picture of a four heart chamber that inside of me, just boggles my mind.

 I'm not sure if brains and skulls change in the next 19 weeks, but to me it looked like he had a nice oval-ly head, like me and my second two kids. (My husband and oldest have beautiful round heads.) The tech also kept telling me his nose and lips were also just perfect. Years ago I might have wondered why she made such a big deal about some of these things, but now I realize what great blessings they are.  The ultrasound was done in less than a half an hour thankfully since I don't particularly love them. So I guess I can get cracking on his baby quilt.  After I make a princess dress....
And wonder can you actually prepare an 18 month old to be a big brother?

Birthdays

My birthday is this month.  It just happens to be three days before my father's birthday which just happens to be two days before my sister's birthday.  My father only has two daughters, isn't this fun for him?
My husband's birthday is in February, which just happens to be two day's before my oldest son's birthday.  My daughter's birthday is in December, so for two years during my husband's MBA I would whine during September that my birthday was so lonely, no one celebrated with me.  I grew up with a birthday week extravagance, and my husband and son's birthdays are pretty much non stop parties all week, mixed with the holiday.  And my daughter, well the whole month is a party and decorations, so what about me?  I think overall I was just lonely while my husband was doing his MBA, because my birthday always corresponded with mid-terms. So my plan was once my husband graduated we would have a September baby, so I would have someone to share it with.  He of course thought I was nuts-- that's our relationship it works.  But my body does not cooperate with plans.  I am not one of those people that can say I want my child's birthday this day, so I can count 9 months back.  No, not until this pregnancy, I never get immediately pregnant.  So I planned in fluff months, well apparently I planned too many cushion months, because my fall baby was born the first week of August.  Pretty much a summer birthday.  But during that pregnancy I almost did myself in, planning my husband's 30th birthday and my son's birthday party and a class party, and since then I've been eternally grateful that I have no child sharing my birthday week. If I'm ever not pregnant again and I choose to be a room mom again, I will never have a class party over my birthday.  Its nice not to plan someone else's party during my birthday.  Since September has no holidays, it means its my birthday in prime glory.

Disobeying

Chapter 3

In high school I hated dating, occasionally I would go on a few dates, then I would decided I despised it, and stop.  Then a few months later, I would go on a few more, and hate it again.
I grew up with plans of college, degrees and a career.  I had babysat for 4 years, and for the last two I babysat usually three times a week.  I would have claimed I was good with children, I seemed to be sought after and refused to take a job for under $5 an hour.  The summer I was 15 I found a different job, and never looked back on babysitting.  I had no desire to take care of anyone's children, and had no interested in getting married or having my own children one day.
Both of those details are needed to understand why a few weeks before I went to college my father sat me down and told me DO NOT tell people you do not like dating, do not tell people you don't want to get married.  I'm sure I hmmed and hawed, but by 18 I was fairly obedient, and so I planned on listening to my dad.
I went off to college, following his advice, I was a good girl, who was friendly to boys, flirted with boys, and tried to be friends with girls.  I was never good at that last part, turns out girls don't actually like other girls that are flirty.  I was in Mormon country, so I tried to stick with other freshman boy.  I had no interest in getting to know any boys who were ready for anything beyond an LDS mission.  I had no problem dating boys who would hint to me writing them on a mission, but I had absolutely no interest in anything else. I had gone on plenty of dates with boys looking for someone to write them on their missions, I had diffused all those, so that is something I could deal with. Boys looking for a wife, that was not something I was ready to undertake.
But when Brent came in my life, he create a hitch in all my assumptions with boys.  He had not confirmed it, but I was positive he was a Return Missionary, I was positive he was a good obedient boy who listen to a Mission President who told him it was now his responsibility to get married.  (I was right that he was a good obedient boy who would try listen to his President, I was just wrong in the advice his President gave.  He was told him to buy real estate, but that story comes up later.)
I swear the more I ignored Brent the more he wanted to be my friend.  I can't remember how technology worked in those days, but somehow he had my screen name and he started chatting with me on AOL IM, and then he truly wouldn't go away.  So finally I disobeyed my father.  I told him, I'm not interested in being friends with you, you are a return missionary and I don't want to get married.  He said I'm not interested in dating you or getting married to anyone right now.  I said I don't believe you, freshly return missionaries always want to get married. He was the only boy I told that to, the only time I disobeyed my father and mentioned that.  Although considering how committed to my degree and taking the right classes at the right time, and keeping to my four year plan, I'm pretty sure a lot of my neighbors knew I was an outsider that had different goals then them.
So Brent continued to talk to me when he saw me, and continued to instant message me.  I couldn't understand why he wouldn't go away.  I think he was actually being honest when he said I don't want to date you, which is why he wouldn't go away.  Some how we started talking politics, and then I truly started chatting back with him.  Remember my major was political science.  I grew up in a house that got the newspaper, and news magazines, we discussed current events. One of the things that made me most homesick is as far as I could tell everyone I knew was illiterate.  I know I was at college, but where were the insightful people who cared about issues and discussed what was happening in the world.  This was only a few months after the US invaded Iraq, I was used to discussing with my fellow classmates how our lives would change based on what our politicians were doing.  Then I went to college, I found it a huge let down, that no one seemed to know where the heck Washington DC even was.  Sure I was freshman level PolSci but it was a general so it was a large class and most of the people I came across were upper classmen trying to meet a prerequisite.  So when Brent started talking politics to me it was a godsend. But I was torn, I didn't want to be friends with him. Then I realized beggars can't be choosers, and he seemed to be the only person that genuinely shared my interests and was actually trying to be my friend.
By the end of the month (september) I apologized to him.  I said, I'm sorry I've been so rude, maybe we can actually be friends.  The rest was history, we spent weeks talking about every political issue you could think of, we spend hours each day talking.  But it was all good, he only wanted to be my friend.

Next Installment of 10 Years ago

Its about time I write my next installment.
So like I said I can't remember when I met my husband, and neither can he.
By this point in 2003, we had the same church callings in our singles ward.  In case you that means nothing to you, we were ask to both volunteer in the same organization in our church congregation made up of all single adults from age 18-30, minus our three ecclesiastical leaders and their wives, who had children that were give or take college age.  Our ward or congregation was about 40% college freshman, a few sophomores, a few other things, including some in their late 20s. It was an odd mix, of 18 year old freshman, and older 20 year olds who lived at home, and a few others scattered in-between. Some even had a career and owned their own house.  I on the other hand was an 18 year old freshman.

So Brent and this other girl were in charge of our church organization, and I was called/asked to serve under them.  Part of their responsibility was to visit random members of our congregation at their apartments. Since I didn't really know them, they pick my apartment as their first visit.  By the way I should mention, there was 6 girls in the apartment/dorm on campus apartment I lived in. Three were from Utah, two of those did not share my faith, the other one never stayed in town during the weekend, and so never talked to anyone who came over for church visits.  The other two did attend church with me, one was from North California, the other from Southern and I of course grew up in Dallas.  When Brent and this other girl came over, it was me and my two roommates from California who were in the living room, the others all left to their bedrooms. I remember a few things from that night.
 1. Brent sat on a kitchen stool in our living room.  (My apartment living room/kitchenette was about the size of a children's bedroom.) He had some pretty sweet looking red skate shoes, so I complemented him on them.  This made him very uncomfortable, and he spent the rest of the time trying to hid them from view which was challenging since he was sitting on wooden stool.
2. The girl that came with Brent was flirting mercilessly with him. I assumed she must be madly in love with him, and the sooner they got married the better.  The girl as in the other one that shared our church calling (job).  (I was only partially right, he married me instead...)
3. The girl introduced herself as a sophomore, as were my two roommates that were present, and said Brent was a freshman.  This confused the heck out of me.  Brent had this squeaky clean appearance that included an invisible sign over his head that said I served a mission. A mission, as in a 2 year church mission, were he went proselyting about our church.
4. After Brent and this other girl left (I honestly can't remember her name). My two roommates said Brent was kind of cute, I looked at them skeptically.  At that point in my life he was not my type.  Even though I did admire his skate shoes, I had not hung out with skaters since middle school.

A week or two later, I went with them to visit other members of our congregation as part as our church service.  Once again the girl flirted ruthlessly with him.  Then when we got to his car, she told me to take the front seat.  I found this quite awkward and confusing.  He refused to leave the parking spot until she buckled up. We visited two separate guys who lived at least 20 minutes away from campus and both lived at home, both times this girl had me sit between her and Brent.  Like I said I was rather confused, half the time she was shamelessly throwing herself at him and half the time she was avoiding him.

Turns out this girl was weeks away from being engaged.  My husband was interested in her at this point because what single straight male would not be interested in a fairly attractive girl that shameless throws herself at him?  I one day told him, wow you really dodged a bullet with that one, who wants to marry a girl who flirts with other men?  But what was by far the most awkward was when her fiance starting attending church with us, and he was all ready to be buddy buddy with Brent and I, because we worked with his fiance, but all the rest of us could remember not knowing she had a boyfriend.  Every time this guy was around I felt like I knew a secret, and by how awkward the girl acted I'm pretty sure I did. It was weird. Now this might all sound like I was jealous of the girl, you have to realize Brent and I knew each other for two semesters before we started dating, we both knew who the other person was dating, and in fact he remembered a boyfriend of mine that I had forgotten about. Plus he never dated this girl, because she had a boyfriend.

Kicks

I'm 18 weeks, and I've been feeling my baby kick for almost a week. Overall I find it kind of trippy. During my last pregnancy my placenta was posterior, so I couldn't feel my baby this young. 

If memory serves right I felt my first two before 17 weeks, so go figure. If memory is correct I felt my first baby the soonest, which is opposite of normal. My oldest was the most active baby, by far.